A Tribute to Jasmine

Pound for pound, little Jasmine was the toughest dog I’ve ever known.

Our world got darker this week.

Anyone who ever loved a dog has - or will - go through it. The pain of losing a cherished member of your household never fails to deliver a numbing gut punch, and that’s what we’re going through now.

Earlier this week, our family suffered the loss of our 15-year old Chihuahua mix, Jasmine following a courageous battle through various ailments and conditions including kidney disease.

One of the cruel ironies of life is its inexorable and unavoidable connection to the fact that it will end. Almost all humans endure the experience of losing human loved ones at least a few times throughout their lives, but pet guardians are tasked with the need to pick up the pieces following the passing of a pet family member more frequently.

Our family has been faced with three end-of-life scenarios with our elderly dogs over the past 5 or so years, and even though all our dogs lived full, long lives, it doesn’t make it easier when they leave us. The loss is harder each time. In our struggle to try and make sense of the gaping hole in our lives since Jasmine’s passing earlier this week, we’ve considered all of the ingredients that could be making her loss that much more acute.

The ‘Empty Nest’ Syndrome

My husband and I are relatively recent empty-nesters, with our only daughter having left for university a couple years ago. People rightly talk about this chapter of a parent’s life as being equal parts challenging and liberating: the removal of a family member from the household as they head off into the world is paired with a newfound sense of possibility that comes with the dramatic reduction in day-to-day responsibilities relating to the care of a dependent child.

Depending on your approach to this life change, it can sometimes be somewhat destabilizing, forcing one to redefine their core identity at a fundamental level. Regardless of how difficult or easy the transition is for you, though, it is most definitively categorized as a loss. You’ve lost a central day-to-day household member (at least temporarily), a set of identifiable tasks and responsibilities, and, indeed, a chapter of your life.

Compounding Multiple Losses

In the time since our daughter left for college, I also lost my dear mum. As anyone who has lost both parents can attest, the uniqueness of the strange and empty feeling when neither of the people who brought you into the world no longer inhabit it is impossible to underestimate. 

There are obvious and fundamental differences between losing a human loved one and a loved pet animal, but as a very wise clinical psychologist friend of mine once shared, loss is loss, regardless of what is lost. Whether it’s losing a parent, relieving an ailing dog of their struggle, or watching your kid go off to college, our brains and hearts experience variations of the same strain of pain.

The Sea of Grieving

Why is this loss so acute? Why does it feel so horrifically painful, like waves of overwhelming panic crashing against you, pushing you down again and again as you desperately try to get your head above water and breathe? You want to swim to shore, to find safety somewhere and pretend it isn’t happening, but you can’t get there, because there is no shore, except the bonecrushing realization that you won’t see or hold your beloved again, at least in this life.

Then there are the constant moments throughout the day when your brain fools you into thinking you still have a dog. I woke up today telling myself that Jasmine would soon need to go out to do her morning potty while I prepare her breakfast and that I mustn’t forget to turn up the heat so she doesn’t get cold. My brain did this throughout the day, including when it told me to make sure Jasmine had everything she needed before I got on a Zoom call. Fifteen years of habit and rituals are difficult to ignore, and it takes a while for our brains to play catch up.

My husband and I are already finding ourselves constantly referencing what Jasmine would have thought of any number of tiny, inconsequential occurrences throughout each day. She was never one to hide her reactions - you could always be 100% certain of how she felt about any moment within our household by the unvarnished reaction she provided. The acuteness of her absence will, of course, wane with every occurrence that passes without her input, but despite the pain that each instance triggers, it feels like an appropriate testament to the outsized impact such a tiny being had on our lives.

Jasmine the Valiant

Jasmine was a warrior. Her will to survive was greater than with any other dog I’ve ever known. Yes, she enjoyed quiet, safety and solace with us and her canine sisters, Sadie and Bella, but in the big world, being the smallest living thing in almost any environment she encountered, she quite rightly found herself on guard - ready to let anyone who could be deemed even a remote threat know that she was not to be trifled with. 

But she counterbalanced this alertness with a massive reservoir of resilience. Both physically and emotionally, Jasmine set the bar for how we should all tackle the act of bouncing back. And she also employed her trademark fierceness to her capability to love and melt into times of bliss and contentment. 

One of the key things Jasmine taught us by example was the value of living in the moment. Her sense of presence was off the charts, and it resulted in an intense joy for moments in life that she celebrated. If the world could adopt a fraction of Jasmine’s sense of truth and utter valor, we would all be immeasurably better off.

It may seem trite (there’s a reason cliches become cliches: there are key kernels of truth in them), but as we wrestle with the loss of our dear Jasmine, I encourage you to stop for a moment today to truly see your dogs. Enjoy the quietest of moments with them. Embrace their quirkiness. And shower them with your love.

I have no doubt that Jasmine is now bolting joyfully around the empty golf course across the rainbow bridge with Sadie and Bella (something they all loved to do while on this earth), free from aged bones that eventually limited her. We will hold a place for her in our hearts forever, and she won’t be replaced. 

But she will always be our love.