Training is a conversation, and we want our dogs to listen! Before they can learn to listen to us, we need the skills to listen to them.
Ever ended up in a silly conflict over a miscommunication? Maybe the tone sounded one way to you, and another to the speaker. Maybe a word or phrase meant one thing to you, but something entirely different to them. Maybe you said something, or maybe you didn’t, but the impact of not understanding or not being understood can be little or big, depending on the importance of the relationship and of the issue.
The harmony of our relationships with our dogs depends equally on mutual communication, but misunderstandings can and do happen there, too. Communicating across species, especially across species with very different primary modes of communication, is bound to run into some difficulties, especially if we don’t have the skills to speak each other's language. In order to bring harmony into our interactions with our dogs, we need to learn to have a conversation with them. And yes, you can have a conversation with your dog, if you’re willing to have it (at least partially) not in words.
Speaking or listening: which comes first?
Well, both, obviously! And in order to get to harmony, we need both person and dog to be able to speak and to listen. But which skill should we build first?
Often we notice we need a communication system when we have something to say to our dogs. “I just want to be able to tell my dog it’s ok, that trash can isn’t a scary monster!” “I want her to know what ‘down’ means, she looks at me like she’s totally confused!” “How do I teach him ‘not right now’ so that I can work without him bugging me every five minutes?” or perhaps the most common sentiment of all “he just won’t LISTEN!” When we encounter a communication need in disharmony, we usually think it’s a dog listening deficit: he’s stubborn, he knows what I want but just ignores me, he’s “blowing me off." Because we notice the issue when our dogs “don’t listen,” we might be tempted to fix it by “making them listen.” But here’s the thing: dogs listen to people who listen to dogs.
Dogs are talking to us all the time! And we promise you, once you learn how to pick up what they’re putting down, you won’t be able to unsee that. But, once again the species difference between us means that we need to switch emphasis–while people communicate primarily through speaking or writing (with body language to give nuance and emphasis), dogs communicate primarily with their body language, using expressions, postures, movement and physical responses to communicate (with vocalization often being a minor part of their overall message, if it’s there at all).
The first step to clear, two-way communication is learning canine body language. Only once you have learned to observe and interpret your dog’s body language can you teach her how to navigate this human world with you. And once you do, you’ll find communicating with her is an ongoing, joyful part of everyday life together. You’ll do so both silently through your own body language ( as many trainers know, human body language is an underrated but powerful player in all canine/human communication) and in that human favorite, words.
Communicating joy, fear, and everything in between
Like us, dogs use their bodies to express their emotions, their expectations, their intentions and their desires. But dog grammar and etiquette differ significantly from many human ones!
To take just one example, imagine greeting a new acquaintance. You approach them sideways, curving your body, and looking down at their feet, off into the distance, or maybe at their knees. You sniff low on their shoulder, lengthen your lips into a soft frown, and then within three seconds, burst into motion and move away. Sounds… odd, right? Maybe downright rude, and in any case it isn’t likely you will win a new human friend. But this is the human equivalent of one socially adept way dogs might meet each other, and it very well could be the start of a canine friendship. Our human greetings are equally bewildering to dogs. Walking directly up to a stranger, leaning forward, staring him in the face, reaching out to grab a limb, lingering there for minutes and minutes, that’s all standard human stuff, but in dog language, such direct staring, forward weight shifts and looming, and lack of movement are likely to be interpreted as threatening, not inviting. Learning how to spot when a dog is inviting you to greet them (hint, it’s likely not when he’s staring directly at you!), and learning how to greet in a way that builds comfort and trust, these are just two of the essential skills of harmony in communication.
And that’s just one tiny example: everything in the harmony model depends on two-way communication. Socialization, that is, intentional exposure to new places, people, and animals and things with the goal of building positive associations with those experiences, can only happen if you know when your dog is enjoying himself, is cautiously curious, is overwhelmed, or just plain scared. In training, everything depends on communication, both from you to your dog, and from your dog to you! Knowing what your dog finds enriching, what’s frustrating, what’s confusing or what’s just right depends on understanding your dog’s responses to those items and experiences you offer in enrichment. And underneath all harmonious training, socialization, and enrichment activities is a bedrock of safety and wellness: knowing when your dog is comfortable, or when she is physically or emotionally struggling depends on reading and listening to your dog’s body language, too.
Any harmonious relationship depends on communication, and your joyful life with your dog is no exception. In order to teach her, you’re going to need to know how to communicate with her. And in order to talk to her, you’ll need to first learn how to listen. If you can do both, you can help fulfill her needs and yours, communicate what you need, and solve your problems! Clear communication will also save you time when teaching.
Dogs whose communication (including body language) is heard and understood can tell us what they need/want in the body language equivalent of whispers. When they don’t have to shout, we can build a fulfilling relationship based in mutual understanding.
The first step to clear, two-way communication is learning canine body language.
Training is a conversation, and we want our dogs to listen! Before they can learn to listen to us, we need the skills to listen to them. Before we can enjoy adventures together we need to be able to communicate and check in with one another. Dogs don’t use words, but with a little practice, you won’t need them to. Once you can listen so that they can talk and talk so that they are listening, your relationship will deepen in ways you never imagined possible.
