Just want a grump with folk who will understand!

[emmabeth]

I had quite a nice weekend really, given the potential for fall out - it was my Dads 70th birthday, so looooooads of people there who haven't seen me since i was probably under 12 years old!

Anyway, the one fly in the ointment really, was meeting my sisters girlfriends dog - shes a LOVELY dog, really ace and clearly loves her mum, but my SISTER... just so clearly has NO idea how to read canine body language, although she does want to.

At one point, Ember (gsd x something pointy), who is very sensitive and a bit wary of things, especially small children (and there was a squeaky 5 year old boy there) was SO confused with my sister very VERY aggressively telling her to 'SIT DOWN, SIT .. SIT DOWN EMBER, EMBER SIT DOOOOOOOWN' and then once she had finally figured it out and complied she got 'LIE DOWN' growled at her over and over until she lay down flat on her side, giant bat ears set to 'ooh err missus im not sure'.

Then my sis started to stroke Embers tummy with her foot, quite roughly and OH..... I could have cried. The poor poor dog was just BARELY tolerating this, her whole face said 'i DONT like this but I tolerate it because I must and i do quite like you but this is SCARY'.

Why on earth can't the members of my family read a dog like I can - whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. To me the poor dogs are SCREAMING out loud, the messages I get from dogs I see are almost deafening sometimes and somedays it REALLY gets to me.

On the plus side I met a delightful lurcher, a stripey fellow I'd say 75% greyhound whose owners DO listen and CAN hear and though he has known them only two days, is relaxed and happy and has REALLY landed on his feet! Lucky boy Ernie!

Oooh also positive note - Ellie met a strange man AND a little boy in our kitchen on sunday - she sniffed the boy politely then ignored him as he clearly wasnt relevant, and ...... greeted the man SO effusively she jumped up and put her paws on his chest (which with other dogs would be rude but since Ellie a year ago didnt think people were nice AT ALL, this is pretty amazing progress). She got off him once asked and didn't jump again but kept greeting him nicely and with a 'propeller' tail of enthusiasm. I am so pleased for her (and the 'strange man' thought she was stunningly beautiful so didnt mind being splatted!).

[Sarah83]

Really makes you want to scream at people doesn't it? Poor dogs

Good news about Ellie though

[wvvdiup1]

I know at times when I see people who have dogs but can't read a dog's body language or behavior, and do the things that the dog doesn't like and it's telling the person so, I sure would feel like screaming too!

[Nettle]

Drives me nuts also - and we expect our family to know better because they are related to US and could ask US - but they don't know what they don't know, and speaking for my family, I get no respect whatever for what I know and what I've done

I get so sad out on walks when dogs are screaming information at their owners - and the owners still can't hear.

[Suzette]

Oh gosh, I hear what you're saying Emmabeth. And how especially frustrating when you are right there to give great advice, but aren't being asked. Grrrr. . .

[thepennywhistle]

I hear you, Emmabeth, and I share your frustration. I'd give anything to have access to someone with
your skills, but as the saying goes, you're never a hero in your home town, and NEVER in your family! I
don't know what it is about familial relations that causes people to immediately condemn any skills we
might have simply because we're in the same family.

My mother was totally unable to read body language for dogs or cats -- or people. I was constantly astounded
at the motivations she assigned to my actions and what she would tell me I was feeling, and what she felt the
pets were feeling or thinking was really out there! It was hopeless. Some people just can't make that leap.
I've decided that in cases like that it's a genetic lack, and we'll never teach them anything

[Fundog]

The other day while I was at work, I happened to glance outside and a lady was squatting down, trying to lure a beautiful German Shorthaired Pointer to come to her. I opened the door to compliment the dog, and the lady explained the dog was a stray and was scared to death (that part was quite obvious). We were both worried at that point the dog would get hit by a car, as she had no collar or tags. She was extremely nervous, shy, and appeared to be trying to find her people, looking hopefully at everyone who came outside. (I now work in a casino, so loose dogs happen whilst owners are inside drinking and gambling). Fortunately for this sweet little bird dog, the couple who were watching over her convinced hotel security to room her, and the couple planned to adopt her themselves when their visit was finished. They would have taken the little girl to their own room straight-away, but since they had opted not to bring their own dog with them, they had given up their "dog room." The next time I saw the lady, a security officer was trying to help her see if they could track down the dog's owner. But between you and me, I truly hope they did not succeed, so the lady and her husband could take the sweet little pointer home with them. I figure anyone who would leave a valuable dog alone in a hot parking lot with no collar, no identification, and no water, while they are in a cool building having a good time does not deserve to have a dog.

[jakesmom]

That must be REALLY frustrating emmabeth. Don't they realise how brilliant you are. Why doesn't your sister ask for your advice?

My one sister's the same though, she thought it was very funny that her jack russel ran up to two rotties, and when the owner asked her to put her dog on a lead, she laughed and thought it was very funny that the rotties were worried by her little dog. It would have been a different matter if they had attacked her dog.

[emmabeth]

Sometimes she does ask for advice - which is almost worse because then she argues with me and doesn't take the advice!

Shes been bitten by SO many dogs and shes still convinced that she needs to 'show them who is boss', and these are always other peoples dogs so whatever she does shes not going to convince them 'she is boss'!!! because she ain't!

I made friends with Ember so easily - it required some sausage and a quiet voice and not crowding her. In fact I made slightly TOO good friends with her and she nearly leaped out of her owners horse lorry window to get to me, and then allowed me to open the lorry door (shes meant to guard it from strangers and she'd known me just a few minutes really!!!)

My sister seemed to think that using rewards was cheating but was flummoxed when I said 'well.. how exactly? Have we not got the result we wanted??' She tried the old 'she should do it because she respects us' line and I asked her if shed go to work merely because she respects her employer and not because she gets paid to do it. She didn't really have much to say to that!

[jakesmom]

You'll be in trouble now for making the 'guard' dog too friendly .

[jacksdad]

ah family...what's the line...can't live with them...can't shoot them or something like that

while I am still scratching the surface of the multitude of dogs signals they use to communicate, what I have learned often leaves me sad as well when I see another person out with a reactive dog and they are lost as to what to do or how to respond to their dog. the default is often action that indicates they thing their dog is being bad.

[wvvdiup1]

Emmabeth wrote: Sometimes she does ask for advice - which is almost worse because then she argues with me and doesn't take the advice!

Shes been bitten by SO many dogs and shes still convinced that she needs to 'show them who is boss', and these are always other peoples dogs so whatever she does shes not going to convince them 'she is boss'!!! because she ain't!

I made friends with Ember so easily - it required some sausage and a quiet voice and not crowding her. In fact I made slightly TOO good friends with her and she nearly leaped out of her owners horse lorry window to get to me, and then allowed me to open the lorry door (shes meant to guard it from strangers and she'd known me just a few minutes really!!!)

My sister seemed to think that using rewards was cheating but was flummoxed when I said 'well.. how exactly? Have we not got the result we wanted??' She tried the old 'she should do it because she respects us' line and I asked her if shed go to work merely because she respects her employer and not because she gets paid to do it. She didn't really have much to say to that!

That's saying a lot about family members, Emmabeth! You have the same problems I have with mine, which it seems they don't realize they have one mouth and two ears for a reason, and that is, they're are to do twice the amount of listening as they do talking! You need to sit her or anyone else down and tell them that before giving advice. Your sister's philosophy "Show them who is boss" and "she should do it because she respects us", as you know from that you've said yourself your sister has been bitten by so many dogs is exactly what is going to happen again! It's that "Fight or Flight" response that all organisms do, so as all of you know, when dogs are scared, uncomfortable, to the point they're threatened, they're going to bite. Good you were able to work with the dog!

And Fundog, welcome back to the forums! You've been gone so long that I thought you were building, setting up your own internet connection, maybe starting your own ISP!