Help! In-laws dog is a huge wall between us!

[Inlawwalls]

I need advice! My In-laws' black lab is out of control, or maybe just in control!

I LOVE dogs and I used to say all dogs until she started behaving so badly, now I have to make myself not like her or I just get angry! I don't even want to go over there because every time we walk in the door she lunges and attacks because she's so excited. I had a 5 inch long bruise from her clawing up my leg for 2 weeks and I still have a scar from the scratch. She growls at everyone when they touch her and has nipped my face. There used to be a lot of coming and going at their house but my sister-in-law has been at college 2 years now and I think that her growling is a reaction from her lack of socialization. My mother-in-law even said that during the week she's fine because it's just her and dad but when people are over she can't handle it. When she growls they call her over to them which I think is not discipline it's a reward because "mommy" and "daddy" are going to take care of her.

She only wants to be touched on her terms and I'm concerned that it won't be safe bringing our kids over there when we have them. I brought the 15 month old I watch over there once and all the hair on her back was sticking up. Then she wouldn't stop licking him and when he touched her she started growling. We're planning on waiting a few years before kids but I'm concerned at that point it will be too late to change this behavior.

Family is really important to me and in fact I have received a lot of love and benefits with their family that I never have received by mine. We love spending time with them and I don't want my mom-in-law to be hurt by us not coming over there, but I just can't stand it anymore. Something has to be done! Please give me suggestions! I'm really in a tough spot her and I've been really anxious about what to do!

[ladybug1802]

In a nutshell....she is scared and not comfortable with strangers/people she doesnt trust 100% So she is fine with them in the week because she lives with them, they feed her, walk her, love her. But by lungeing and growling she is trying to tell these 'scary people' to go away...but they are not listening to her.

She only wants to be touched on her terms and I'm concerned that it won't be safe bringing our kids over there when we have them. I brought the 15 month old I watch over there once and all the hair on here back was sticking up. Then she wouldn't stop licking him and when he touched her she started growling. We're planning on waiting a few years before kids but I'm concerned at that point it will be too late to change this behavior.

She should only be touched on her terms!! She growls at people when they touch her - she is telling them she does not WANT to be touched. But she isnt being listened to,. so if you are not careful she will have no choice but to increase this communication to an air snap, then a nip, then a bite. The growl is something that should definitely not be punished, as if she learns a growl does not work she will nip. My dog when i got him did not growl...he is scared of strangers and used to lunge anyone that so much as passed him when we were walking. He somewhere along the line in his life before i got him had learnt that if he growls it doesnt do any good, so he went straight to snapping. NOW, however, if he is uncomfortable (with a person looking him in the eye for example, or if a stranger were to ever reach down and try to touch him, which i never, ever let happen now) he will freeze and growl....then if I didnt listen he would snap at them. So under no circumstances should strange people, or people she isnt 100% happy with, be even trying to touch her. They should totally ignore her...no talking, no touching, no eye contact. She should be left to come to the people herself, and sniff them....but still be ignored.

When people come over to the house she should be in another room or in a crate/behind the baby gate (IF she is crate trained and likes being in a crate). Then when everyone is in and settled, then she can be brought into the room, but everyone MUST ignore her. She needs time to work out that these people are OK and mean her no harm.....but by people pushing her out of her comfort zone and forcing her to be stroked when she doesnt like it, you will make her worse not better.

She is not out of control.....she is fearful and nervous and is tryuing to communicate this to the humans around her, without much success.

[maximoo]

Well the best solution is to not go over there anymore & tell your mthr in law why. She can come over to your house or meet in a neutral place. There no reason you (or anyone else) should be subject to the ill behaved dog's mauling everytime. It is up to M-I-L to train her dog or manage her by putting her in a crate, room, backyard, etc. Refer her to this site & suggest that she watch IMOTD. This is a common problem which can be corrected. There is nothing YOU can do other than not go over there & make the sugestions to her. Good Luck!

[ladybug1802]

I'm sorry Maximoo but I feel you are missing the underlying reason this dog is behaving in this way....its not being 'naughty'....it is worried and scared. So I feel we should be heloping the OP to communicate the issues to her mother in law and help her to fix them.

[Inlawwalls]

The thing that's confusing about her growling is when it first started it was with my in-laws and she'd be licking them while she was growling. And usually it was just at night so it seemed like a crabby night thing. She was only one and half at the time, she'll be 3 this summer. They kinda thought that she didn't know what she was doing and that it was a dumb puppy thing. Maybe she didn't know be she sure figured out that she got a reaction from it. I'm not sure about the growling saying we're scary but definitely unhappy with us. My husband lived there until just under a year ago and I was over all the time but then it was just the 4 of us usually instead of teenagers coming and going all the time. We watch her when they go out of town for weeks at a time. We'll be over there all day playing games or helping around the house and it's like there's a turning point somewhere in the day where she goes from super puppy and playful to unhappy and ornery. She'll be laying on the floor under the table on our feet and if you move she'll growl at my in-law's too.

She is trying to communicate that she doesn't like it and that's my fear of the progressing with growling to nipping or biting especially with kids. Part of my issue with her is that I'm used to the family dog that the 2 year old sits on them or snuggles while watching tv. I've had to turn myself off of her charms to realize that she's not that dog. Even though she acts like it at first by licking and bring toys to play with you and walking through your legs to get her butt scratched but then her switch flips. My in-laws were addressing the problem a while back and it seemed to be working and then they went out of town and had to kennel her instead of being able to leaving her with someone she knows. She definitely seemed to take steps backwards. Since then it seems as if they've just marked it off as hopeless. I refuse to think it's hopeless because if I do it'll make a lot of people unhappy and strain the human relationships even more.

When people come over to the house she should be in another room or in a crate/behind the baby gate (IF she is crate trained and likes being in a crate). Then when everyone is in and settled, then she can be brought into the room, but everyone MUST ignore her. She needs time to work out that these people are OK and mean her no harm.....but by people pushing her out of her comfort zone and forcing her to be stroked when she doesnt like it, you will make her worse not better.

Thanks! That's a great idea that shouldn't be too hard to suggest to her!

[emmabeth]

I would also recommend that she has a thorough check over at the vets (not a quick 2 minute prod and poke, but bloods taken, the works) because some of this behaviour makes me think shes in pain.

The growling whilst licking sounds very odd and would be a big red flag to me that something isnt right - licking is often an appeasement behaviour dogs do when unsure or anxious or in pain.

For the rest of it, I woudl treat her as if shes scared/wary of people because there is little chance of you doing any harm by assuming this. If you assume shes just naughty or shes learned it gets her attention and really she IS scared then you could do a lot of harm.

I'd also re-iterate what Ladybug said - dogs are not playthings and should not be subjected to us touching them just because we want to. Yes they can and should be socialised to enjoy being touched in the early puppy days but even then I would never expect a dog to tolerate things like a toddler sitting on them or pulling them around, or random strangers just grabbing for them.

[Sarah83]

I agree with Emmabeth about the vet check. It does sound like there could be a pain factor involved in this.

[Inlawwalls]

Yes they can and should be socialised to enjoy being touched in the early puppy days but even then I would never expect a dog to tolerate things like a toddler sitting on them or pulling them around, or random strangers just grabbing for them.

Definately agree with that and I wouldn't expect her to ever get to the point where a kid could do that. It'd be nice to just not have to worry about even bringing a kid over or even going over myself. She got super hyper when I had the boy over there. At first he was in my arms and she was jumping up on my to try and smell him. When my MIL got her into a sit I let him stand next to me and we were probably 5 feet from her, she broke her sit and came and started licking him in the face and pushing on him a bit and he reached out and just touched her. She immediately started growling even though she was still licking!

Also my husband and I have already started ignoring her. I think some of the jumping problem is because she gets conflicting responses. My bro-in-law lets her jump all over her and repeatedly tells her good girl.

[Noobs]

I think some of the jumping problem is because she gets conflicting responses. My bro-in-law lets her jump all over her and repeatedly tells her good girl.

This is definitely the problem, and you really can't and shouldn't fault the dog for that.

My suggestion is to continue to ignore her. As far as children, obviously she can't control herself, nor do her owners want to control her, so separate kids at all times. Don't let any children touch her, and never leave a child unattended with her.

Since this is not your dog, sorry you won't be able to really train her and have any information stick since the people she lives with and other guests aren't going to bother.

Sad, too, I bet she's lovely otherwise.

[maximoo]

I never said the dog was 'naughty." Ladybug. Yes I get that the dog is scared or nervous and just may generally have bad manners but my point is that its up to the owner, ( the M-I-L) is the one to correct the problem . I suggested to OP to make suggestions to her M-I-L that's all And the reason why I said that is b/c dozens of people come onto forums asking about other people's dogs and the poster really can't do anything about it. I know in their hearts they would love too but only the dog's owner can take action for the the dog to succeed. OP doesn't live with the dog, just visits. She has been injured by the dog & imho she should not visit there again until dog is managed to stay away from door or trained not to jump on people. That's why I suggested she suggest to M-I-L to come here herself.