Vent!

[Erica]

1) the ctrl key I use on my computer is broken. D: It presses down fine, but I guess it just doesn't connect. It's super annoying.

2) This whole ordeal with my sister has finally brought to light the breed (or rather, type) of dog I am probably most like...I think sighthounds and I are pretty similar in a few ways, from what I've heard of sighthounds. Emotionally sensitive and quiet, but try to force one to do something (whether they originally wanted to or not) and you won't be getting anywhere anytime soon. And oldest sister doesn't know how to ask for anything (or maybe she just chooses not to) - it's always a demand, with tons of scorn behind it. There's no better way to ensure I drag my feet and make any excuse I can than to demand that I do something by a certain time. I've asked her several times not to address me so abrasively, but she has forgotten the difference between genuine respect and kindness and the false patronizing veneer of "nice" over a bucket of disrespect.

But it appears that she's moving out in 3 weeks (living with other members of our family who she doesn't hold ridiculous grudges against, like, at me "how dare you have gone from high school to working without going to college," or at my younger sister "you got into the college you wanted when I was unable to and so I'm mad at you," or at my parents "you asked me to drive my younger siblings to afterschool events when things got busy"). So I will just have to manage three weeks. Three weeks. I can do this.

She also apparently wants to talk with me via a professional mediator. I find it mildly amusing that she's so upset at how I live my life (and mostly just try to stay out of her way!) that she wants to do this. I'm game for it AFTER she goes to someone and talks about her issues first. She talks about how I have to "compromise" when really she means I need to do things her way. Like...go ahead and reorganize the shelves in the back den, that's fine with me. Move the trash can and recycling around, cool, whatever. But I do need Delta's grooming table and grooming supplies in here. I do need the carpeted space in front of the TV to train him in. So that's where I draw the line on my compromises. That's not where she wants things, though, so she throws a sulky fit worthy of a spoiled toddler. Repeatedly. And she won't understand that I can't move all my stuff out of my old room when the space in my new room is all taken up by the big ugly couch! Once that's gone, I will be able to move a desk and a bookshelf and then all the stuff I'm keeping will move down to my room. But it can't do that before there's space for it. But nooo, she wants to turn my old room into a library (even though she has always planned to only stay a few months) to homeschool her future kid in (please don't have children unless/until you figure out what's gone wrong in your brain because you are not going to be a good parent right now, and also, why would you be homeschooling your kid in their grandparents' house when you want to live at the beach, four hours away???) and she wants it done now for whatever reason.

I think after all this, I may need my own psychiatrist. The amount of anxiety I feel from being in the same house as her can't be healthy. (I heard her talking to my dad across the house, then the AC kicked on and shoved my bedroom door and I jumped and my heart started pounding because I thought, for a second, she was opening the door. Not a standard reaction.) My parents warn me of her moods, tell her when she's going too far, and try to reason with her, but she is the most unreasonable person I know.

(I have found a couple podcasts and webseries that are involving and light-hearted enough to cheer me up and calm me down after I have to interact with her. In three weeks or so I've gone through about 200 hours of one podcast and 40 of another; the first has probably another 200-300 hours to hold me over and I can always start over at the beginning again. Thank goodness for good media.)

[MPbandmom]

Hang in there Erica. At least you have an end in sight now.

[Fundog]

Hang in there, Erica. You know you can always come here for encouragement and support.

Well I have my own vent. Our clothes dryer has been inoperable since December. We've had a technician out four times now. We've had the heating element replaced, and control board, and today we were told we need to replace the wiring harness. Meanwhile, all this time, I've had to load up the laundry in the car and take it to the coin dryers in the apartments laundry room. Every week I have to go to the casino and buy quarters from the cashier. It's maddening, I tell you! And the dryers there never treat our permanent press right, so I have a boatload of ironing to do every week. I hate ironing.

[Nettle]

Erica, we are all here for you and whenever you come here there will be someone to give you a cyberhug!

Meanwhile make yourself an Erica advent calendar so you can tick off the days - and promise yourself something REALLY good each day to look forward to.

[ScarletSci]

ScarletSci, do you use normal powdered cinnamon? How much/what dilution do you use? OH gets eczema, though it moves around his body and this year it's on his back/back of neck. So not so easy to soak, and I'm not sure I can persuade him to put it in the bath...

I do just use a bag of normal powered cinnamon. I don't really have offical quanitites, since it's just a homemade recipe tip, I just a add a bunch to a sink full of water, and since it's only my hands that flare up now, it's easily enough to do it that way! I like Fundog's idea about making a poltice with it though, and the anifungal/antibacterial properties makes sense. I didn't usually soak them for long, a few minutes at a time, so maybe you can convince him to humour you and let you apply it while he watches TV of an evening or something?

All I know is that my variety of eczema is triggered by stress and a weird immune response to stress, and at one point, took over my entire body before it was diagnosed as an adult. Now it just flares on my hands now and then, but it has previously flared up so badly that my hands became cracked, infected, so painful, and I lost some fingernails. Hydrocortisone cream worked to get flares under control, but nothing worked as well as cinnamon did, and I've had hardly any flares since using it either. The scientist in me must say there are other variables that may have contributed to that decrease, but I've no doubt that cinnamon reduced my attacks greatly, and eased the pain and itching as well. I only go back to using cinnamon when it begins to flare up, haven't had to use any for the last six months or more.

Erica, I'm really feeling for you! Your sister sounds like a nightmare for all of you to live with. Vent away!

[JudyN]

Thanks SS OH's eczema can be affected by stress, too - his hands used to be a mess, but he never lost any fingernails so you have my sympathy. I mentioned the cinnamon treatment to him but he says it's beginning to clear now - cold weather exacerbates it so it's at its worst in the winter. I must remember to try the cinnamon next year.

He was much worse as a child & young adult, and used to be slathered with hydrocortisone - hopefully you'll grow out of it to some extent too.

[ScarletSci]

Mine is worse in the winter too, the changes in temperature and drying affect of wind and central heating I believe.

Mine only came on when I was in my mid to late twenties, and I'm thirty three now. Luckily, it's never been as bad as it was when it first attacked and was misdiagnosed then identified. Nails grew back, and flares have only been minor since then. I'm pretty lucky, most of the time you'd never know I ever have it, and I spot the signs early now. It acts like an early warning sign that I'm getting too stressed/run down and need to start taking better care of myself.

[JudyN]

OH's used to flare up before he had a gig, which made holding drumsticks tricky He swears by Diprobase cream now, for keeping the skin moisturised & soothing it. One minor vent is that because he was so worried about the effects of steroids (said they stunt your growth, even though he's over 6'2" ), he persuaded me not to use them on DS2 when he developed mild eczema as a baby - we got to the stage of me bouncing him around in the middle of the night when he had blood running down his ankles from scratching before I realised that I could easily control it with just the occasional application of weak over-the-counter hydrocortisone

[katej215]

Really hacked off with our vets..

I took Hattie in this morning, as she has had an ear infection that wasn't clearing up despite me bathing it with the few drops of lavender in water every day...Anyway, the vet says to me, Oh shall i get a muzzle, as I see she wears one when they trim her nails? I obviously replied by sounding surprised, as he said, oh yes, she apparently tried to bite one of the vet nurses???!!

I've been taking her to the vets FOR YEARS to get her nails trimmed because she is so touch sensitive generally and worse with her feet, and despite her obvious stress, they do it quickly, so always felt to me like the best of several far from ideal options...i always wait in the waiting room , I never go in with her and always ask the vet nurses same question when she comes out 'how was she?' and always get the same answer 'she was really good' (which I always interpret to mean shut down), BUT they have never once mentioned her trying to bite or needing a muzzle?

Whilst I appreciate they do not want to get bitten and I don't have a problem with basket muzzles, (if that is in fact what they are using!) , I do have a problem with someone just shoving a muzzle on a dog who is already stressed and not used to wearing one, who is coming in regularly for a non emergency procedure.

Hattie wouldn't harm a fly, she has the sweetest nature in the world, i have never even seen her snark. For her to try to bite means she must have been so terrified ..I feel really awful for allowing this to happen.

Sadly she has a couple of deformed claws that don't touch the ground, so scratching the sand paper trick isn't going to work for her. I need to have a rethink.
I honestly feel like writing a formal letter of complaint to the vets

[JudyN]

That' would make me really angry too, Kate. Did you tell the vet how you felt? I'd at least have a discussion with him and also the vet nurse - and make a formal complaint if you're still not happy.

[master2]

So on Thursday I moved in with my brother as I want Sherlock and Watson to feel comfortable at his house so I thought moving in tow weeks before my op might help. Plus he would have to look after me once iv had it done with it being open surgery.

This morning he was giving me a lecture on how unhealthy my breakfast is! I had a chocolate croissant with an espresso. He was saying how I will get fat and have a heart attack if I keep eating that. I get what he's saying but I told him it's only one that I eat plus I eat pretty healthy the rest of the time as I normally have a veggie omelette in the morning. I also told him if you look up on Google what people eat in Spain , Italy or France you will find they either have no breakfast and just an espresso or an espresso with a pastry.

I lived in Spain for tow years when I was studying. And the Spanish don't eat massive meals and since I moved back to the UK like 4yrs ago now I have not got out of the Spanish eating way. I have a small breakfast then my lunch is my big meal and then I have a tiny dinner like how I use to eat over there. I even make my own meals like today I'm cooking us an Italian dish all from scratch. I also don't snack in between meals or at meal times I just have my lunch for example and nothing else.

He did look it up and found I was right. And surly one little croissant a week won't kill you and anyways if there that bad why do some of the Mediterranean countries eat pastry's for breakfast?

[Nettle]

Some you win: some you lose


I carefully nonjudgementally and thoroughly explained to someone why "playing" with your dog using a laser light was a Bad Idea.

So the dog now has a toy ball with a flashing light.

[Erica]

Another bad day for sister. She's in one of her high energy states and STILL DOESNT UNDERSTAND that there isn't room for me to get stuff out of the upstairs room! It doesn't exist! We need to sell the couch that's sitting in my room first.

I don't feel safe leaving Delta here without a locking door. She hasn't behaved in a threatening way towards him but I'm afraid her verbal aggression towards me may be transferred onto him. Luckily today and tomorrow I don't have much work...I'm honestly going to leave Delta at the house I'm dogsitting at (with a closed door between him and the dog, even though they're friendly with each other) while I have to be not here.

Maybe we'll just spend most of our time there.

I don't know if I can ever...I don't know, forgive? get past? how aggressive she's being right now. I try to be a forgiving and patient person but god she breaks past every line and limit on my tolerance. I could have handled a short amount of aggression (or even a couple months) if she had started getting help soon after coming back but she wants everyone to change to suit her and she won't budge or stop judging us or anything. Literally every person in her life has expressed concern for her mental health - her boyfriends (multiple because, despite her going way younger than is proper but not quite illegal, they can recognize that she is not in the place for a healthy relationship), her old friends, her family, her new friends...you'd think at some point she might realize ther could be truth behind the words but no, everyone else in the world is wrong.

Bless Delta though, he knows to lean against my chest after she talks to me, he herds her out of my room to the doorway when she barges in to talk, and blocks my line of sight to her when he can. I think part of it is just his natural behavior but it's still really comforting to me.

And y'all's support is a great help too. Even just writing it out is cathartic but having people to talk to about it without having to censor myself is beneficial. <3

[JudyN]

Bless Delta though, he knows to lean against my chest after she talks to me, he herds her out of my room to the doorway when she barges in to talk, and blocks my line of sight to her when he can.

Oh, that is so sweet! What a wonderful dog he is. But how sad that he feels he has to look after you. I agree, you don't want to risk leaving the two of them together - you really don't want to find out what his breaking point is.

You will be able to forgive her in time. You'll need to distance yourself from her one way or another, maybe for life if she can't/won't address her mental health issues, but you'll come to feel sorry for her because she is ill. You'll feel sadness rather than anger or hate, at the loss of the sister you should have had.

My vent - a friend of a friend is a dog trainer, who agreed to bring up and train a puppy bought by an old woman in a nursing home until he was well trained enough to live in the home (you just know this is going to go badly, don't you?). The trainer doesn't believe in vaccinations, and the puppy, who probably came from a puppy farm, has come down with parvo The trainer has had to cancel all her classes, advise everyone who had come to the same classes as the pup (some of their dogs not being vaccinated either), and spends her days cleaning, washing, and burning stuff. The 'breeder' was informed, but an advert still went up for the remaining puppy in the litter.

[Fundog]

Erica, I wonder.... what is the feasibility of moving the old sofa into the room that is storing your stuff, so you can move your stuff into your room? Granted, you would need a temporary holding spot while you shuffle things around, but it would only be for a couple of hours. Is your sister staying in the spare room? Well tell her that in exchange for getting your stuff out, she has to take the couch. Well, it's just an idea.