Talking With Misinformed People
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CarolineLovesDogs
Talking With Misinformed People
Ever since I've known about positive, force free training and the dangers of correction based training, the downfalls of the dominance theory, et cetera, it always so bothers me when I hear people (especially those I know) talking about things like how their dog is being dominant, how you have to bite a dog who is biting you in order to teach it that it "hurts" and make it stop, and tons of other totally inappropriate, inhumane, misguided, dangerous things. But especially if it's my friends / acquaintances, I don't know how to step in without sounding like a total jerk. How can I kindly tell them that I disagree with what they're saying and make it clear that those are unfounded, noneffective, dangerous, et cetera, things to do? I HATE just ignoring it or acting like they are doing the right thing but I don't know how to approach the situation. Any advice? Thanks!
Re: Talking With Misinformed People
No advice but much empathy.
You can't change people until they are ready to change, but you can explore that option by saying something like 'People used to do that but there are much better ways nowadays' and seeing if you promote any curiosity.
You can't change people until they are ready to change, but you can explore that option by saying something like 'People used to do that but there are much better ways nowadays' and seeing if you promote any curiosity.
A dog is never bad or naughty - it is simply being a dog
SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS
SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS
Re: Talking With Misinformed People
My 2 cents - perhaps better to share than to preach.
"You guys can do what you want, but I found a better way for me and my dog".
Rather than "you are so wrong, misguided, inhumane, etc" - this puts others in the defensive position, not a good starting point....
"You guys can do what you want, but I found a better way for me and my dog".
Rather than "you are so wrong, misguided, inhumane, etc" - this puts others in the defensive position, not a good starting point....
Re: Talking With Misinformed People
Very true, Ari.
A dog is never bad or naughty - it is simply being a dog
SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS
SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS
Re: Talking With Misinformed People
It is really hard, but what you CANNOT do, is tell them they are being cruel, wrong, bad etc etc...
As soon as you do that, they are defensive, they want you to understand they love their dog, they do not believe they are being cruel and even if there is an inkling in their mind that they are.... they know their actions are justified... it is necessary... they feel they have no choice...
What you CAN do.. is say things like:
' I used to do that (even if this is a lie.. once you say that, you are one of them you are not judging)... but then I found this way which is......... more fun..... easier..... faster... more effective... (pick one or two of those, not all of them, I generally go for easier and more effective)...
And then you can briefly say how much easier your dog is to handle, and you can demonstrate/explain IF THEY WANT...
Thats key - if they WANT you to, they will ask, and when you explain, they will probably listen.
If they don't want to, then honestly, no matter how you word it, they will not listen and they will not change what they do. In fact its likely they will find some excuses and justificationsi as to why they should carry on doign what they do, and reasons why your method probably doesn't work.
WHEN you have people actively listening to you, you can start to slide in the idea that some of the old theories and methods are outdated - again make sure that it is the THEORY that is outdated, it is the METHOD that is flawed, it is not THEM... they are not a bad person, they are not stupid, they are not outdated...
Avoid words like cruel, harsh, abusive - nobody uses those methods intending to be abusive or cruel, people who INTEND to be cruel tend not to be talking about it and wont be asking you about other methods.
I very often have to 'sell' positive reinforcment and hands off methods to clients - I am in their homes, and I am taking their money - I cannot and will not get far if I tell them they are bad cruel abusive people, so I have had to hone my skills in communicating, in getting people on side, listening and ... treating them positively, setting them up to succeed and earn reward!
As soon as you do that, they are defensive, they want you to understand they love their dog, they do not believe they are being cruel and even if there is an inkling in their mind that they are.... they know their actions are justified... it is necessary... they feel they have no choice...
What you CAN do.. is say things like:
' I used to do that (even if this is a lie.. once you say that, you are one of them you are not judging)... but then I found this way which is......... more fun..... easier..... faster... more effective... (pick one or two of those, not all of them, I generally go for easier and more effective)...
And then you can briefly say how much easier your dog is to handle, and you can demonstrate/explain IF THEY WANT...
Thats key - if they WANT you to, they will ask, and when you explain, they will probably listen.
If they don't want to, then honestly, no matter how you word it, they will not listen and they will not change what they do. In fact its likely they will find some excuses and justificationsi as to why they should carry on doign what they do, and reasons why your method probably doesn't work.
WHEN you have people actively listening to you, you can start to slide in the idea that some of the old theories and methods are outdated - again make sure that it is the THEORY that is outdated, it is the METHOD that is flawed, it is not THEM... they are not a bad person, they are not stupid, they are not outdated...
Avoid words like cruel, harsh, abusive - nobody uses those methods intending to be abusive or cruel, people who INTEND to be cruel tend not to be talking about it and wont be asking you about other methods.
I very often have to 'sell' positive reinforcment and hands off methods to clients - I am in their homes, and I am taking their money - I cannot and will not get far if I tell them they are bad cruel abusive people, so I have had to hone my skills in communicating, in getting people on side, listening and ... treating them positively, setting them up to succeed and earn reward!
West Midlands based 1-2-1 Training & Behaviour Canine Consultant
Re: Talking With Misinformed People
I'm a convert from dominance based training and I wish I knew then what I know now. I've learned that sharing what I know now gets better results than confrontation. Most people I encounter who do things with a dominance approach don't mean to be cruel. I sure didn't. That said, I take a deep breath, calm myself, then casually ask to meet the dog. If the answer is "yes", I have a chance to meet the person, smile and briefly ask the dog's name, etcetera. If the person and the dog both seem at ease around me I nicely show the person where the problem is, in a non confrontational manner. If the answer is "no", then I politely say I understand and quickly mention that more effective methods are out there, in a friendly, btw tone and leave it at that.
Blessings