training the other half!

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Joined:Tue Aug 31, 2010 2:24 pm
training the other half!

Post by jacksmum26 » Sun Sep 26, 2010 8:53 am

can any one advise my OH and me have recently gotten a young dog.
i trained jack with positive re-enforcment never shouting (ok the odd once when id just HAD enough! but then im not perfect!) never smacking or punishing if jack didnt understand what i was asking him it was because i wasnt being clear enough not because he was thick etc but me and the other half have very diffrent ideas on disiplin,
he has smacked her once which i went mental at him for and he hasnt done it since but i cant get him to stop shouting at her! she is very wary of him but i never need to raise my voice to get the same / better respones but he just dont seem to be getting it! ive tried explaining a 100 times that jack is a well behaved dog and he loves him but I put in all the hard work before i met him! i had the puppy nipping, accidents on the floor, begging for food, barking, pulling on the lead etc but because of how i delt with it = the dog we have now. but he just seems to think she should know what to do!

im getting to the end of my teither with it i cant stand to hear him shout at her tho he has gotten better and is being more positive.

how can i get him to understand that shouting will only produce negative responce / take her longer to learn? the worse thing is we have his kids some weekends and ive started seeing them copy their dad shouting at her for nipping!

Joined:Thu Dec 10, 2009 10:48 pm

Re: training the other half!

Post by jacksdad » Sun Sep 26, 2010 10:35 am

This is a tough one.

I still can't through to my wife sometimes that Jack (my jack) isn't being bad, a brat, etc when he acts up. He is a fear reactive (uses displays of aggression to try and drive other dogs/humans away). she finally gets it for when he is outside, but we are still having a minor issue with some dogs when they pass the house. sometimes she just wants to be able to tell him "shut up" or "stop" and expect him to stop.

I wish I had some great advice as this is a very common problem that sometimes just takes lots of perseverance and time to work out. In my case, as I am able to help Jack improve, I gain credibility for when I explain what is going on with Jack, which has helped in my case.

Your not alone, maybe some others will have some advice for you.

Joined:Sun Dec 06, 2009 6:49 pm
Location:Bad Fallingbostel, Germany

Re: training the other half!

Post by Sarah83 » Sun Sep 26, 2010 11:05 am

Welcome to the club, it's harder to train humans than dogs. I'm lucky in that my husband really does try with Rupe but he often expects him to know exactly what he wants him to do without being told and then shouts at him when Rupe just stands there looking confused. I found that sitting down and asking EXACTLY what the problem (the reason he's shouting) is and then talking about how we could deal with it without either of us or the dog getting frustrated worked quite well. For example, at the moment hubby is having an issue with Rupe getting all excited when hubbys is putting his shoes on before a walk. Rupe is sitting nicely but is sitting right by him and is actually in the way. I've said I'll put a mat in a spot where Rupe will be out of the way and we'll teach him to go there while we get ready for a walk. Of course this depends on your partner being willing to work with you which luckily mine is.

Joined:Mon Sep 06, 2010 6:35 pm

Re: training the other half!

Post by OHenry » Sun Sep 26, 2010 8:23 pm

Having him watch IMOTD with you, or even the petco training video they give you when you adopt a shelter pup, can be helpful, because then it is some "EXPERT," i.e. not you!, who is explaining why yelling at a dog is so counter-productive. Also maybe a clicker training video because then he will have some kind of specific job that he and/or kids can try out too.

Joined:Sat Jun 19, 2010 11:22 am
Location:Central California

Re: training the other half!

Post by tinytwo » Mon Sep 27, 2010 5:37 pm

Oh, you are definitely NOT alone! :) My boyfriend expects the dogs to understand what he tells them, even if it's a phrase they've never been taught! I try to tell him that they don't understand English! :) They understand only the sounds of the words they've been taught, not every word you could use for that same phrase! AHH!

Joined:Tue Oct 17, 2006 9:24 pm
Location:West Midlands

Re: training the other half!

Post by emmabeth » Mon Sep 27, 2010 6:29 pm

I have a similar issue, he expects the dogs to mind read, which they clearly cant do.... his body language says one thing and his mouth says another, and then of course theres the issue where he THINKS a thing.... but doesnt actually say it.

So he will be thinking 'ach the dog is in my way, move doggy..' and the dog doesnt move because hes not said a word... and so he thinks 'dog is STILL in my way.... argh'.. and so what he EVENTUALLY says..... is 'F...ING MOVE DOG'....

A couple of times before I managed to drag this information out of him, I did actually just go up to him in silence when he wasnt really paying attention, and do the same back, which made him think about it for a little while and he grasped that it was fairly horrible to be treated that way... but long term its not had a particularly positive effect.

Getting someone else to 'tell' them, by means of a book or a dvd or video clip can work wonders. I had a good friend who is an APDT trainer come and visit... and though she said exactly (in some cases word for word) what I said.... because it was NOT me saying it, it sank in much better!

Finding positive things to reward also works well but I find humans much harder to reward than dogs... my OH has this issue where if you try and reward him or thank him for doing something nice, he interprets my words as being patronising or sarcastic when they really arent... so it can be a bit difficult!
West Midlands based 1-2-1 Training & Behaviour Canine Consultant

Joined:Thu Feb 04, 2010 2:48 pm

Re: training the other half!

Post by meggit » Thu Sep 30, 2010 4:17 am

im still trying to train my OH ive found it harder work than training my pup, but i have found explaing that postitive methods are working and dont cause as much stress to the dog as screaming and shouting, ive allso found that nagging works wonders i just keep reapeating that this is what we are going to Do not what he wants to do, and then of course there is my favourite which is Its my dog we WILL do it my way. :D

Joined:Tue Sep 07, 2010 10:49 am
Location:Buckinghamshire, UK

Re: training the other half!

Post by LouiseJB » Fri Oct 01, 2010 10:01 am

I totally understand this one.

I'm the one member of the family who has looked at the websites and books for advice about training etc and I have talked to the family about how to do things but as usual, they have their own ideas from 25 years ago etc.
"My friend said....." "This is how we always used to....>" etc etc.
It drives me mad and will become very confusing for the dog. I guess its just a matter of showing them that our techniques work best without the dog becomeing wary.
That all I've got!

Joined:Tue Sep 28, 2010 1:49 pm

Re: training the other half!

Post by Dakine'smama » Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:42 pm

Eeeeek this is exactly what I'm going through. My bf had a lab that he trained with dominance training and he was "the perfect dog." I'm trying to train our new puppy (a GSD) with positive reinforcement but he's essentially getting that positive things come from me and punishment comes from him. Just as bad, the puppy is so afraid of him that he won't listen to me when I give him commands and my bf is around.

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