Help!

[Disney Paws]

I have a pug who I love and he behaves very well. However, whenever I see my grandfather, he tries to steal my own dog away from me, giving him dangerous things when I'm not looking, hitting him, using what he calls 'training techniques' but really just ruin his training. For example, my dog is clicker trained. One time my grandfather got the dog's clicker and began clicking it pointlessly, and my poor dog didnt know what he was doing right and why he wouldnt get a treat. when I tell him to stop and explain to him why what hes doing is wrong, he just laughs at me, and denies what he was just doing. One time he had his friends over, and after I'd worked hard for weeks to teach my dog not to attack the TV, he said "FRank look at the TV, theirs dogs!" and started fake barking and stuff. Then, when my poor dog started jumping on the tv like my grandfather wanted to show his friends, he began yelling at my dog for listening to him. He also forcefully makes my dog sit near him or holds him tightly while saying, "Look, he loves me more! I'm going to keep him!" It drives me crazy! This is my first dog, which I worked hard to get. He was originally bought for 1500 dollars but when I talked to his owner and told her about my training techniques and research I had done, I got him for 150, plus a crate and tub of food, plus bedding for his crate. Plus, my grandfather will say my dog is really his, though the dog does not even live with him, and then if my dog jumps on the TV, or gets near one of his cat to just merely sniff it for a second then walk away, he says all this bad stuff about the dog, which suddenly he says is MINE. He says "oh her dog has broken the tv so many times allready and terrorizes my cats." which is all a lie. I try to explain how this bothers me, but really I just want to cry because he will just make fun of me and does not care. He criticises what I do, acts like hes the only one who takes care of my dog, which I spend every second I'm awake caring for, and that the dog loves him better, yet he really is hurting me and my dog, and making me really dislike my grandfather. This is isn't really training methods, but please help me. =(

[emmabeth]

He sounds like a very sad, insecure and cruel person... You have my every sympathy.

DO you have to spend time with him, and do you have to have your dog spend time with him - family or not, spending time with people like him is unhealthy for YOU never mind your dog!

You are right he is undoing your hard work that you have put into your dog, he is also undermining your confidence in yourself and other people.

Ive no idea what I can suggest really as I dont know how old you are (and that is relevant).

I can tell you I have some family members who are pretty toxic people, and will do their level best to undermine me and make me feel small and useless - people do this to make themselves feel good or better or whatever it is thats lacking in their lives.

I would find reasons not to spend time with him, and definately keep your dog away from him - dont bother telling him why, you dont have to justify yourself, just be busy, have other plans.

Feel free to vent on here about this because getting it off your chest and discussed with others will help you - especially if you cant avoid spending time with him.

[Fundog]

Yes, we will definitely lend a shoulder to cry on, and give you our sympathy and support. Your grandfather is, as Emmabeth said, an insecure, cruel person. He is also manipulative, and feels a sense of power in controlling others by manipulation, even if it is cruel. I would be plotting revenge right now, if I were in your shoes, but that's just me-- I don't actually suggest it, nor do I have any brilliant ideas for carrying it out at the moment. Do try to avoid this man, if you have any choice in the matter. At the very least, keep your dog away from him, at all cost. He too is craving attention. Subconciously, he realizes that he is an unlikeable person. He fears that no one would give him attention or love him, unless they are forced. So that is the root of his game. By denying him what he craves, he will eventually break. While it is easy to hate people like him, the thing he needs most is pity. He is a pathetic, miserable, and lonely old man. I think too, that he may even be envious of the person you have become, and what you have been able to achieve-- the complete opposite of what he realizes he is-- but pride prevents him from reaching out to learn from you. The only way for him to change is to humble himself-- but he would have to be a broken man for that to happen.

[Nettle]

I have had people like that in my life too. I am another person who will listen to you and offer support and understanding.

Keep the clicker away from grandfather. Keep the dog away from grandfather if you can, and if you can keep away too that would be good for you but I do understand you may not have the choice in this.


Even now, when I am not just grown up but old and Nettlish a few people try to play power-games with my dogs. One is even a family member! Therefore I train my dogs with signals not words, and I never let on that I do this. The "wrong" people shout their words trying to agitate my dogs, but the words mean nothing to my dogs. My dogs even have different "names" when I want a certain action. Nobody has ever noticed. This is because manipulative people use the dog's name to torment the dog ("Baaaad Sandy" etc.)

Sounds like you have a smart little dog. Dogs have superb hearing. A tiny sound, a tiny movement, conveys as much as a command. Hand signals don't have to be big and obvious.

We are here for you.

[Disney Paws]

Thanks, everyone. I spend time with him because he's my family, and I usually bring my dog because I hate leaving him home, but I'm avoiding him more, and have hid the clicker since. And that's a good idea, Nettle, my dog is a fast learner when motions are involved, so it will be easy to teach him that way.