I Messed Up and Don't Know What to Do!

[CharityStansbury]

Lexi, our dog, is an eight-year-old Maltese who was rescued from a puppy mill by an organization and lived with her foster mother for about a month before we adopted her last Thursday evening. We mentioned that I would be unable to sleep with the dog since I can have mild reactions to dog dander from time to time (allergies are a cumulative thing with me) and that we would put her in a crate when I was sleeping and when we were away from the house (no more than a total of four hours a week in 1-2 hour increments). The foster mother told me that she was crate trained, but that she allowed Lexi to sleep with her. She also said that she just left a bowl of food on the floor for Lexi all day.

Since the foster mother told me that Lexi was not completely potty trained, I thought keeping the food dish down all day was a bad idea. We started feeding her at regularly scheduled intervals and I pick the water dish up a couple of hours before bed.

The first couple of nights, I put her in a crate and went to sleep; she shuffled around some, but didn't whine, cry, or bark. Then my husband, who works third shift, had Saturday night off. She didn't want to eat at her normally scheduled time. I waited an hour before picking up the food dish. I went to bed after instructing him to put her in the crate once the two of them had bonded. He didn't put her in the crate and then he fed her at 2:00 AM because he said she was acting hungry. I followed the usual bedtime routine that I had established with her last night, watched some tv, started dozing off, turned off the tv, dozed off again, and she started barking.

I ignored the barking and turned the tv back on to calm myself down because my heart was going a mile a minute. After a couple of minutes, she stopped moving around; until the tv screen dimmed because after an episode. She started barking again but quieted down immediately after the tv became brighter. I doubt she slept all night but didn't bark.

This morning we put Lexi's food down for her to eat, but she ignored it. My husband, who has had dogs before, decided to put her in the crate (he did not close the door or lock it) and reassured/praised her as he moved away from the crate in small increments. After he went to bed, she came out of the crate for a while. I encouraged her to eat, she didn't, so I picked the food bowl up because it had already been an hour past her normal feeding time. She went back into the crate and went to sleep.

At our usual mid-morning walk time, we went for our walk. We were outside about 20 minutes for potty break, exploration, play, and training and then came back in. We played for a bit and I encouraged her to drink some water from the bowl in her crate, then we played some more. She came and laid near me while I was on the computer for about an hour. After an hour, I tried to give her some love and she beelined it to the crate and wouldn't come out and play.. It has been another hour now, she is still asleep in the crate.

I think she's about as confused as I am. I want her to sleep in the crate at night, but I want her to come out of it during the day. I enticed her with some treats, which she took and then ran right back to the crate.

I know I messed up but I don't know how I messed up and what to do to correct my behavior.

P.S. We're taking her to the vet today to become established and to get recommendations about heartworm and flea and tick prevention, plus about a dozen other things that I have questions about.

P.S.S. I am almost in tears at the thought of traumatizing our little Lexi.

[JudyN]

Don't worry, you're doing just fine You've had her less than a week and you're both still learning about each other. I would stress to your OH though that he needs to follow your instructions, because she needs to learn your routine.

First, food: it's better for a dog to have set mealtimes (two a day is generally best). It's better for their digestion, and some dogs can get stressed by having food around all day. What are you feeding her, and is it the same she had in her foster home? (Specify the brand & variety.) It might be that a different food will tempt her more... or you might just need to wait till she's hungry enough to eat it when you put it down. No more feeding at 2am - that's a dangerous precedent! It's common for dogs to be a bit picky and skip a meal or more, so don't worry about this.

It's also better to have water available at all times (apart from maybe when she's in her crate for the night) rather than lift it a couple of hours before her bedtime.

Don't worry if she's spending time in her crate during the day. She's taking in a lot of new things, she doesn't know you that well yet, and she may not have wanted to cuddle or play. Let her decide when she wants affection, as you don't want to overwhelm her.

I'm not sure from what you've said if the crate is in your bedroom or the lounge, and hence why you had put her in the crate and then watched TV rather than going to sleep - could you give more detail please?

[Erica]

Dogs sleep a lot - 12 to 14 hours a day. It is good that she likes her crate. I would let her stay in there if that's where she feels safe. She'll still be able to observe the goings-on outside of it, but feel secure. Remember that her whole life turned upside down recently (even if it's for the better, it's not what she's used to!), and it will take time for her to adjust. The best (and most difficult) thing to do is to be patient and not try to force her to come out of her shell. Encourage her gently, sure, but if she wants to stay in her crate, I would let her when possible.

How did you try to pet her after she was resting by your computer? eg pet her head, rub her ears, tickle her toes...

With small dogs, it also pays to remember how absolutely ginormous we are compared to them. Leaning over them will be scary, so it's better to sit down on the ground and lean back a bit, do some quiet-voiced baby talk to invite them over. If they don't approach you, they don't want pets at the moment. For a dog with a bad past, I wouldn't push too hard at the moment at petting her unless she asks to be pet.

[CharityStansbury]

Thank you both! I thought I'd traumatized her for life.

Okay, we just got back from the vet and it looks like Lexi's tonsils are swollen and her little ears are red. The vet suspects allergies and told us to give her 1/4 of a Benadryl tablet once a day to help with that, he also told us to use baby wipes on her belly and legs when she comes in from outside to help decrease the amount of pollen that she carries in with her; this will help both of us since I am allergic to pollen and dust. He prescribed her an antibiotic since it looks like an infection caused by the drainage. All things considering, her teeth are in decent shape; however, I need to continue softening her kibble with water/liquid.

The vet also told me that it was unlikely that she'd sleep at night for about her first week with us. He advised me to try not to react when she barked.

It looks like everyone assumed that her reluctance to eat was caused by her shyness when it was caused by a sore throat which kept getting worse. I'm really glad I was able to get an appointment with a vet for a brief wellness check (Lexi says "Yay for mommy researching my breed!") because Maltese do have a tendency towards allergies.

Definitely no worries about my husband making THAT mistake again. He came home to a very grumpy wife who lectured him on the importance of maintaining a routine.

We've been feeding her Acana Heritage Meats Formula and Acana Heritage Free Run Poultry Formula (she likes the poultry more). I forget what her foster mother had her on.

Given that she's going to be taking Benadryl, I'm definitely keeping the water down until bedtime. I thought that I'd read somewhere to pick it up, but I could be wrong.

To clarify about the television. I watch DVDs of The Simpsons in bed and generally fall asleep to them. I drift off, wake up enough to shut the television and DVD player down, and go to sleep. When I did that last night, she barked and became active. The barking startled me; I don't do well with loud, sudden noises when I'm awake and I'm worse with them when they wake me up. I turned on The Simpsons again to go back to sleep, we both calmed down, and she barked again in the small gap between episodes (the television doesn't put out as much light between episodes); however, she calmed down and went to sleep after the next episode came on.

I kind of figured that I needed to let her stay in her crate. I guess I was just afraid that we'd pushed her too hard and that she reverted.

When she wants to be petted, she'll normally sit up and look at me; patiently waiting for attention. I'll get down on the floor with her and pet her body first and then her head if she responds well to my petting her body. I was abused as a kid, so I understand how quick gestures towards the face and head can be unnerving.

Now that I know that she wasn't feeling well, I see why she went to the crate. It wasn't necessarily because I messed up, it was because she was telling me that she didn't want to play and to let her be.

Thank you both for being so understanding. I have PTSD and anxiety issues myself and I want to help build her confidence, rather than fussing over her because of my insecurities. Being able to come here and talk about my concerns helps.

[JudyN]

Ah, it's good to understand why she wasn't quite herself - hopefully she'll be feeling much better soon Sometimes being a new dog owner can be more stressful than it's made out to be, but you're doing great! The food you're giving her is a really good one too

[CharityStansbury]

I thought that Acana was good! The vet recommended Iams or Purina saying that the stuff they put into the "holistic" dog foods is mostly organs and scrap. I hopped online and looked at the Iams and am a bit skeptical that "chicken by-product" is really much better. The fact that these brands are fortified with vitamins and minerals makes me even more skeptical of their content.

I am very relieved that she is taking her medication; we mix it with plain pumpkin and peanut butter to hide it. As long as it's in tiny little bits, she'll accept it as a treat. My husband made the mistake of telling her that she was a good girl for taking her medicine, I reminded him that she was a good girl for accepting the "special treat" Mommy made for her.

Lexi went into the crate willingly last night and stayed; however, she woke up every two hours and barked. I was anticipating this, so I didn't react like I did the night before. It's not a really loud bark; however, we do live in a bottom-floor apartment and our upstairs neighbor's bedroom is right above ours. I'm worried that her barking will disturb him, even though he has a VERY heavy footfall which is probably what wakes her up.

I don't like the idea of leaving her crate out in the living room while I go to bed and sleep... At the same time, it's unlikely that her barking will bother neighbors if she's in the living room since it is not connected to adjoining apartments and the guy upstairs will be in his bedroom. (I hope that made sense). I'm not too sure what to do because I cannot approach the guy; I've had to call our security patrol and the apartment manager to report him in the past because he can't seem to understand the concept of using his "inside voice" at night.

She's understanding that she has to be calm to be let out of the crate. When she woke me up the first time, I was sleeping facing her. When my eyes popped open, I was looking at her. She immediately lied down to show me that she was being calm. I didn't let her out or communicate with her. but it's nice to see that she's starting to understand how things work.

She willingly went into her crate this morning when I took a shower. I put the television on and left the shower door open a bit so that she could hear me in the shower. I thought I might have heard her barking, but I'm not sure because I did not get out of the shower to check; however, when I was done with the shower, I came back out and she was calm without showing signs of distress.

[JudyN]

Aw, she sounds like a little gem Hopefully any barking will lessen as she learns the ropes. Could you have a word with the security guard and the apartment manager, just to mention that you have a new dog who might bark a little while she's settling in so if there are any complaints they can reassure the person that it should be temporary?

You're quite right about Iams and Purina not being great - vets mostly spend less time learning about dog nutrition than most good owners spend researching it on the internet, and what they are taught tends to be taught by the commercial dog food companies. Dog Food Advisor is a good website for checking out different brands: http://www.dogfoodadvisor.com/