Hi Dibby, thank you for the book recommendation. I'll definitely get that book. I actually haven't done any mailbox training yet. :/ I haven't had anyone available to help me by putting mail in the box.
Thank you for the advice about the doorbell training. I'll try staying inside and reaching my hand around to knock. I think once I open the door even a tiny bit, she's going to lunge forward to go through it though. This could take some work (and time), but think she'll get it!
Sanna, sitting outside with her is a great idea. I don't know why I didn't think of that. I'll definitely try that.
She's been pretty calm and I haven't let her get to the point of going crazy, except one time this week when the mailman surprised us by knocking on the door and leaving a package. She was actually doing very well with the mail drop-off until he actually knocked…I talked to my parents about putting a note on the door, but they haven't okayed anything yet…
However, now that I know about the stress levels, I think one thing that might be increasing her stress in the backyard is our outdoor cat…I probably should have mentioned him before, but I had much bigger problems going on. Gracie does not like him and he doesn't like dogs because he has been chased by many a stray dog (big, scary dogs, so he doesn't like any dogs). But he will walk by to taunt her if she is in her soft pen (a pen with mesh sides so bees can't get in) or on her chair in the backyard. When he does this, she will lash out and bark fiercely…it's way, way less than what she had been doing for the mailman, but I think it probably does increase her stress. She lunges at him and barks till he runs off and then she stops when he's out of sight. It's more of a burst of barking to scare him off when he walks by and then it completely stops after he's past. If she sees him in the yard, she may also start whining and straining at the leash to get to him, too. I always redirect her into the house and she does listen once she gets past him…
A long time ago, when we brought Gracie home, I was reading a dog training site and they said to let the cat scratch at the dog to teach the dog to respect the cat.
I shouldn't have listened to that advice, but I thought that since Gracie was the new family member, it might teach her to respect him. My cat pawed her a couple times. He didn't hurt her (I didn't let him get that close). But it was enough to make her mad because she lashed out at him. Also, before we found out she was allergic to bees, she used to chase him around the yard. We found out that she wouldn't actually hurt him. She just loves to chase things. One time, she was chasing him, caught up with him (he's old and arthritic) and actually started to run beside him! She looked like she was having a grand old time! Her tongue was hanging out and she had the most happy look on her face! Looking back, I know I shouldn't have ever let her chase him.
**Edited to say: I kind of made it sound like we allowed her to chase my cat for fun...to be more clear, she was already running around the yard exploring and he would come out of his hiding place and she would chase him. Of course, I would chase after her and try to get her back, but that was not happening because all she could focus on was chasing the cat. She wouldn't listen to me until he had gone up over the wall. To be clear, I didn't purposely put her outside to chase the cat because she thought it was fun. Nowadays, she can't chase him anyway because she's in her pen. My goal is that she never gets the chance to chase him again. What I meant to say was that I should have prevented any chasing in the first place by putting her on a lunge line or something.**
Do you have any ideas about how I can repair their relationship? This cat has always been an outdoor cat (except when he was a really small kitten) and he freely roams the yard. I can't really control where he goes. I suppose I could put him on a harness, but he might be really stressed out by that. I can't put him inside while she's outside because he likes to pee on things and sneak around the house and get into places he shouldn't be.
They are friendly in certain situations…last winter, some nights got really cold, so my cat would come inside at night. Both of them had their beds in the kitchen and they would sleep side by side (the cat was on a chair and Gracie was on the floor in her bed). To clarify, they didn't sleep all night next to each other. When I went to bed, I left the cat in the kitchen and brought Gracie to my bed where she usually sleeps. Inside the house, I've also fed them bits of meat with one on either side of me (and even with them sitting side by side). Neither of them care that the other is there in this instance. Gracie will walk right past the cat even if he's on the floor (sitting, not moving) if it's nighttime (or if it's daytime but he's on the chair). She is always pretty subdued at nighttime. It's actually the best time to groom her because she's so tired.
Gracie seems to be most upset by the cat when she is outside and when he is walking by or running by. Although, I think if he walked by her or ran by her in the house, that would also upset her. He's only allowed in the kitchen, so he mostly just sleeps on the chair all day or night when he's in. When she's outside and he moves past her, that just makes her crazy. She wants to chase him so badly, but she's stuck on a chair (she's on a lunge line so she can jump off the chair, but only go so far) or in a soft pen.
I'm thinking you might say something like try to get her to focus on a treat while he's across the yard, so she associates him with a treat? And move him closer and closer as she can tolerate it? Or redirect her when he does run by? The problem is that she's in a pen…not on a leash. It's not like I can just start walking in the other direction if she starts barking and lunging at the cat…or maybe start out on a leash and when she gets it, move to leaving her in the pen?
I'd appreciate any ideas!
When I move out, I'd love to get a kitten or two, so I'd love some tips on how to introduce her to kittens/cats in a positive way. I want Gracie to be friends with my new cats (or even my current one if that can happen), or at least friendly enough that she won't chase them or go crazy when they walk by. I know this will probably take a lot of work, but my next cats are going to be indoor cats and Gracie is an indoor dog, so I am hoping I can figure something out. I really can't imagine living without a cat…I am planning to have a "cat room" that where they can stay while I'm at work, so that I can be sure everyone is safe while I'm gone.
Sounds like you're off to a really good start, well done! Shaking and whining is obviously not ideal, but it's a step in the right direction and the fact that she was taking the food is a good sign. Many dogs feel calmer when wrapped/ held, maybe you want to try her Thunder shirt again? You might see better results this time when you're working on behaviour modification at the same time. 
in time you will be able to slow the reward down and spread it out more. If she starts whining try and get some more distance and/ or wait for a break in the whining (however brief) so you reward the quiet, not the whining- does that make sense?
I love horses.
