Please, please help - ideas, sympathy, support wanted!

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Re: Please, please help - ideas, sympathy, support wanted!

Post by minkee » Tue Jun 04, 2013 1:48 pm

But would it be +P or +R then :?:

Sorry, Bendog, I've been thinking really hard about this, but I just can't come up with any advice. I know exactly what it's like - people can be VERY stubborn when they feel like they're getting told what to do, and how what they're doing is wrong. Lucky for me Dan is on board with positive training, and also Scout blummin loves his hugs and kisses.

The thing to remember though, is that you are right. He may call you a know-it-all or whatever, and while you don't know it ALL, you do know a great deal, and you put lots of time and energy into learning it, and then learning more. You have the RIGHT to say this is what they're doing and why, because you understand them - because you took the time to LEARN to understand them. If only there were a way to make him understand that without getting his back up :/

Whatever happens, good luck! AND you know that Poppy is NOT a brat, she's a very bright and sensitive young lady! I know this because she is a Scout in wooly clothing :D

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Re: Please, please help - ideas, sympathy, support wanted!

Post by jodieohdoh » Tue Jun 04, 2013 4:44 pm

Nettle wrote:
JudyN wrote:
Nettle wrote:No advice, sadly. IMO many people are untrainable. :evil:
Though an alpha roll and prong collar could be worth a try... :twisted:

He might really like that......

I reckon the only answer is to make him think it was HIS idea!

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Re: Please, please help - ideas, sympathy, support wanted!

Post by abbyneo » Tue Jun 04, 2013 10:15 pm

So sorry you're going through this, bendog. I'm afraid all I have to offer is sympathy and unfortunately no dog you know, we did end up re-homing Neo as our situation got way too serious for us to be able to handle. I do have OH advice, however :P

Neo was always our "problem child"..and we weren't ready for a puppy. We brought her home right after we moved across the country, which was already a stressful time for us. I have never felt so much anger toward him as I did when he basically refused to walk her, train her, came home "too tired" from work to do anything with her while I was with her all day. A puppy (or dog) can bring out the best and worst in people. I truly thought we were going to break up over Neo. It was a communication problem, and something we had to work through, and have done so successfully. We had them separated for over six months with no incidents and spent every dime we had on training in hopes we could keep her.

You and your OH can make it, and it takes a lot of work, which I'm sure you already know. Communication is key as well as just remembering why you love each other, even when it's the hardest thing to do.

I second the other posters' idea of setting up a webcam to watch and see what happens when you're away. I know that Mr. Abbyneo often played way, way too rough with the girls if I wasn't paying attention, or if he thought he could get away with it.

Good luck, I'll be thinking of you!

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Re: Please, please help - ideas, sympathy, support wanted!

Post by ClareMarsh » Wed Jun 05, 2013 2:27 pm

With that many terriers 8) and someone overseeing them who doesn't have terrier ninja skills I would put some baby gates in and separate them into safer groupings with strict instructions not to let the groups mix when you are not there.

I can't come up with how you convince you OH to agree to this not knowing how to manipulate ahem, I mean get his buy in. One thing you could do is stress that should anything happen to the guest dog (can't remember her name sorry) then you're trouble that you really don't need, use her as the excuse and maybe, just maybe the system will work well enough whilst she's there to be carried on in some format when she's gone.
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Re: Please, please help - ideas, sympathy, support wanted!

Post by bendog » Fri Jun 07, 2013 12:55 pm

No fights since I posted so maybe it was the fact my OH had been off work so spending more time with them than normal making them stressy, or just that their routine was different (not that we really have much of a routine).

There was one near miss last week when I let them back together after their dinner and then tried to eat my dinner and poppy was sniffing the floor to see I had dropped anything (I hadn't) and sash tried to sniff too and there was almost an argument.

There's not been a hint of trouble the past few days, or rather, there have been one or two stares which I have interrupted so its not gone beyond a stare and maybe a slight growl, so I think maybe leaving sash in the kitchen when I'm not there to supervise (which we do when we go out anyway) might help.

Sashas allergies have really flared again with the warm weather so that's possibly a factor too.

After they've had dinner seems to be a major trigger time so any suggestions of ways to help them settle after they've eaten would be good? Molly and Charlie want to play after dinner, and sash and poppy and Ben are intent on going round everywhere checking no-ones left anything and so it can lead to trouble. I would walk them but I know I shouldn't straight after food, but its like they need something to help them transition from super excited to be eating to calm and relaxed afterwards. It's only a few minutes and then they will settle and sleep, but its a risky few minutes.

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Re: Please, please help - ideas, sympathy, support wanted!

Post by JudyN » Fri Jun 07, 2013 1:40 pm

bendog wrote:Sashas allergies have really flared again with the warm weather so that's possibly a factor too.
When OH's eczema flares up I can get really irritated by his scratching (or rubbing or patting or grimacing when he's trying not to scratch) - I wonder if as well as Sasha feeling crabby, Poppy is irritated by her, or is just responding to Sasha's stress?

I'm trying to think of an after-dinner routine but apart from getting them (or most of them) out of the room they've eaten in and giving them some individual attention such as a massage or grooming (not easy with only two of you) I can't think of much. Would it be safe to take them for a slow lead walk round the block, I wonder?
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Re: Please, please help - ideas, sympathy, support wanted!

Post by gwd » Fri Jun 07, 2013 3:48 pm

reintroductions can be a trigger for baby girl too. when they've been apart for what ever reason, meshing them back in is something i occasionally have to manage. with my too, management is rather simple and only takes 30 seconds or so..........and it involves treats!

for example, if i've had one at agility when i come back in the doorway with the one i've taken, the one that was left is always right there at the doorway..........i come in and immediately ask for a default sit and give each a treat. then i do a sit wait and walk the rest of the way into the kitchen and put down my purse. .........i release them both and they come to me to collect their treat. i've turned them from being separated to working as a team of two in that short time..........the tension of the re-intro is over and they're fine.

i have to do the same thing in the morning as baby girl sleeps in her crate and boy dog sleeps on the bed. ......running down the stairs is too much for them so i bring one down, go back up and get the other dog and do the insta-treat when i bring the 2nd one in through the kitchen door. .........that's all it took for me to avoid snarking.

i still struggle with them getting over excited and baby girl going after boy dogs hocks or ears when OH or son come home but we're working on that.

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Re: Please, please help - ideas, sympathy, support wanted!

Post by bendog » Tue Jun 11, 2013 3:45 am

Thanks gwd. Thats such a simple idea i dont know why i didnt think of it!

I do actually, if i sense the dogs are getting antsy, usually get a bunch of treats and run through a few sit/down/stay etc with them all, so why i never thought to do it after meals im not sure!

Ive been leaving a stuffed frozen kong for OH to give to sasha in the kitchen whilst I'm out, which keeps her happy and then she usually settles on her beanbag in there. Or else he is under strict orders to make sure he picks up the finished kong before he allows them back together if im out more than an hour or so. I'm also trying to make sure I feed them before i go out as I was feeding them when i got home which i think might have meant they were getting hungry or overexcited because they wanted food which could create tension.

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