New dog in house

[basieboo10]

Hi, this is my first post on this forum, so please bear with me if I make mistakes.

My problem isn't my own dog, but my neighbour's who I walk every day with mine. My dog is a male (neutered) mixed breed terrier, his is a Patterdale female (not sure if neutered, but can find out later). mine is 12 years old, his is around 10. I started walking her around a.year ago as he is in wheelchair, and his daughters who lived at home at the time, didn't walk her much. Needless to say, the two are now best friends and she loves the walks etc. She is, I am pretty sure, fearful of other dogs, and shows this in an aggressive manner, so she has to stay on the lead and we avoid close contact when out. However, if she knows a dog, after a while she will calm down if ignored, so that's why I think it's more fear than aggression.

The problem now is the daughters have gradually moved out and he has a new girlfriend move in, along with her teenage daughter, an old (soppy) labrador and cat!!
She has learnt to leave the cat alone apparently, but after she gets back from the walk with me, she apparently is quite snappy with the lab for around half an hour. The lab backs off and eventually she gets bored and leaves him alone.

I also need to mention here that my dog who normally loves all other dogs and people (except the postman!) has displayed aggression towards the lab when I go to collect the other one for her walk, which is really surprising. I know about not allowing dogs to 'meet' in doorways and try to avoid that, but it's not always easy with an excited girl one one side, my boy on the other and the lab wanting to get involved!! |(I did offer to come get her first without mine, but that didn't seem to be an option).

Unfortunately, my neighbour now wants me to stop walking her as he feels the 'bond' with mine is affecting her and causing her bad behaviour at home. There is more to add to this re the other people in the house, but just wanted to start this off and get some feedback.

I should also add briefly, the Patterdale is used to being 'top dog' (although apparently the cat is a contender for that position too!) and my neighbour says 'she still is'. I'd like to get this resolved with some discreet advice that I think he's open to hearing if he agrees with it!, so we can resume our walks as I know she will not be happy today when i don't show up.

[Nettle]

The very first task should be to have the labrador health-checked - top to toe, bloods for organ function, sight, hearing, teeth, the lot - as when a dog often gets attacked by other dogs, it may well be down to a health issue. Social animals are programmed to attack the weak. It isn't 'bad' - it's a normal behaviour which has to be understood and acknowledged. Of course, the human side of the arrangement may not co-operate, as we can often be tempted into denial with old dogs' health issues, but I am talking ideal case here.

It may be that the labrador is just being pushy, which another lab would not mind, but terriers would take exception to.

However, you are up against decisions your neighbour has made, and there is nothing you can do about that. It may be time to bow out of this particular arrangement while saying that any time they change their minds, you would be very happy to walk the terrier again.

[basieboo10]

Thank you for your advice, all of which I agree with. I don't think the Lab is pushy, but he does have 'issues'. He howls when he is left alone (even with the terrier there), even howls sometimes when people are home and he's just in the garden. Apparently he has always done this!!I'm not in position to tell them to get him health checked unfortunately.

As an update, I have seen my neighbour and asked casually how things were progressing and he said some positive things about the lob and terrier getting on better. I said how I missed her (i've walked and had her to stay with me too, so we have a bond) and my doggie was missing her too, and when did he think she would be ready to walk with us again!! He isn't ruling it out, so that's why I'm persisting.

Then yesterday was really hard as I saw her in our local (small) park with the two women, who did not acknowledge me. She (terrier) looked over at me and my dog wanted to go and say hello, but I had to stay away, but I did call out 'Hello and the dog's name, as she looked confused as to why I couldn't/wouldn't go near. (I did not feel welcome). It was very upsetting for me, but more because I can't explain to her why this is happening. It's hard as I know she won't be getting the quality walks she had with me ie long ones, with bushes to investigate, squirrels and rabbits to 'hunt' (all done on a long extendable lead by the way), she will just get these short 10 minutes over in the local park, on a short lead and unable to exhibit any of her natural ways.

Guess I just have to be patient, and persistent huh?

[Dibbythedog]

Sorry to hear this. Yes, be patient and gently persist .
I walk another dog daily and it would break my heart if this happened to me .
Is there any day when they cant walk the terrier ? Perhaps you could offer for that day or maybe just suggest one day a week anyway . They may be more happier with that.

If , hopefully , you get the chance to walk her, you could collect her without your dog so as to avoid an any agro with the Lab .

good luck and paws crossed for you . Alison

[Ari_RR]

Guess I just have to be patient, and persistent huh?

I'd say, on the contrary, perhaps you should back off and not get too attached to someone else's dog.
It's their dog, they are entitled to make decisions, pushing will only lead to having human problems with neighbors.
Pick your battles...

Cheers

[Suzette]

I feel where your heart is, I really do. But I agree with Ari. Sometimes we have to draw a line between what we believe is best and letting go because it's not our dog. While I personally wouldn't sever ties all together concerning this dog, (I would leave the door open with my neighbor on the walking thing), I would definitely move on from there and just concentrate on my own dog and leave them to theirs. Hard, I know. And sometimes much easier said than done when your heart is involved, but I think in the long run you'll be happier not fretting over your neighbor's dog.

And you mentioned they seemed a bit frosty to you in the park -- well perhaps that will change if they see you are backing off and leaving them to their own dog.

Of course, these are just my thoughts on this. I wish you well on however you decide to handle this.

[basieboo10]

Thank you all for your views. I haven't just walk this dog, I have looked after her in my house when my neighbour asked me to, when he went away camping etc. He even called me from the campsite once when he found out no dogs were allowed, and asked if they could drop her back to mine (this was a 40 minute drive away), and I said of course. The daughter, who no longer lives there, once said to me 'we wish we'd never got her' (because she's feisty), so I am sorry to say to those of you that tell me to back off, that just won't be happening.

The people in the park who were 'frosty' to me, are new - ie girlfriend moved in with her daughter, their dog (the lab) and their cat, just a few months ago. they are not interested, nor care about the terrier (I know this for a fact) and are only going along with my neighbour's wishes to keep him happy, but I know they would prefer not to walk her. This is why it is upsetting to me, knowing that she has been pushed to the sidelines, so maybe those of you who tell me I should 'mind my own business' could be a little more understanding.

[minkee]

They are not saying it to upset you! It is simply that you have no authority to do anything with this dog - so unless they hand the terrier over to you, then stepping away may be your only way to protect yourself from more heartache and upset. Of course that is not an easy thing to do, and you know the people involved better than any of us can.

[Ari_RR]

Well.. In the end - this is your decision what to do, we can only offer advice based on what you tell us. I would suggest not rejecting or turning away those who offer an opinion that you don't want to hear... I would listen and take into consideration, and then do differently if that's what your decision is. You are the only one who has the complete picture anyway.

"Back off" is a very reasonable thing to do when you are approaching a dog and she growls at you. You don't keep coming towards her, you back off, give her space, and she will come to you. Why can't this work with humans?

I surely understand the noble intent here. But many families are dysfunctional in one way or another, rarely everything works perfectly.. It might very well be that your neighbor's girlfriend and daughter don't care much for his dog, but this is something they all have to work out between them. I can tell you this - if my neighbors started intruding into my life trying to fix my problems, uninvited, I would find this extremely annoying, no matter how noble and pure their intentions were, or what the history is. Sorry.

[Suzette]

I know your emotions are running high on this subject, but when the dust settles and you go back and re-read responses to your post, you will see that each of us presented our thoughts (which you came here seeking) with compassion and empathy to your situation. I also understand (since I have done it myself a time or two ) that we don't always come seeking advice, but affirmation that we are doing the right thing. When that doesn't happen, we can get a bit defensive.

Whichever way this ends up playing out for you, I truly do wish you well and hope you find a way to handle the situation in a way that causes the least stress and turmoil to everyone concerned.