I am a single mom and my 11 year old has been wanting to adopt a puppy for years. I think she is old enough to handle the responsibility of having a dog, so a week ago we went to an animal shelter and adopted a very cute 8 week old australian mix puppy. The puppy is absolutely adorable, very sweet and very playful. But I am having major regret with my decision! I never knew a puppy could be this much work! (and my daughter is doing about half of it) I work outside the home full time (during the day) and have a relative come to my house at lunchtime to play with and check on the puppy. But I am overwhelmed, mentally, physically and financially. Even my daughter, while she loves this new addition, is feeling overwhelmed. I feel terrible now for saying yes in the first place but know I can't go back and change it, I can only go forward.
My question is...do you think it is better to try to find the puppy another home now if I'm not sure, or give it a few months? Everyone says it will get easier over time, but I am still regreting the decision. I really want what is best for the puppy and if I made a mistake, I want to do the right thing now. Just not sure what that is.
I need advice please!
Moderators: emmabeth, BoardHost
Ok first of all, most sane sensible people get a pup home and after a day or so go 'oooooooh what have i doooooooooone!!!'.
Perfectly normal and its because there is a huge chasm of difference between knowing what a puppy needs on paper... and living the reality of owning a puppy.
Can you set out what the problems are, because we can then give you some ideas as to what to do, and you can try those things out for a few weeks.
You may well find in a few weeks, putting a few things into practice, everything slots into place and you feel much better.
Perfectly normal and its because there is a huge chasm of difference between knowing what a puppy needs on paper... and living the reality of owning a puppy.
Can you set out what the problems are, because we can then give you some ideas as to what to do, and you can try those things out for a few weeks.
You may well find in a few weeks, putting a few things into practice, everything slots into place and you feel much better.
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sweetsangria
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Wed May 07, 2008 8:46 am
- Location: Florida
Its a combination of many things. All [i]normal[/i] puppy things, I'm sure. She needs a lot more attention than I expected. She bites a lot (hands and clothing we are wearing) with her razor sharp puppy teeth. She cries when left alone, even if just for a few minutes. And it has been a financial drain.
I had given this decision careful consideration for a year. I have watched every episode of Its Me or the Dog that has aired on Animal Planet. Every single one. I have read Victoria's book Its Me or the Dog cover to cover. We have volunteered at SE Guide Dog facility (where they breed and train seeing eye dogs) doing "puppy hugging" where we can play with their puppies for 90 minutes to help them get socialized. We have also volunteered at our local Humane Society shelter.
But you are so right about on paper vs the actual experiences in your own home.
I wanted so badly to rescue a puppy from a shelter and also grant my daughter's wish to have a dog of her own. I have been a mess for the last couple days, torn because I don't know whether we should keep the pup or not. She would not go back to the shelter if we don't keep her, I would find her a good home. I just don't know if I should commit to keep trying to make this work now, or find her another home while she's still a young puppy.
I had given this decision careful consideration for a year. I have watched every episode of Its Me or the Dog that has aired on Animal Planet. Every single one. I have read Victoria's book Its Me or the Dog cover to cover. We have volunteered at SE Guide Dog facility (where they breed and train seeing eye dogs) doing "puppy hugging" where we can play with their puppies for 90 minutes to help them get socialized. We have also volunteered at our local Humane Society shelter.
But you are so right about on paper vs the actual experiences in your own home.
I wanted so badly to rescue a puppy from a shelter and also grant my daughter's wish to have a dog of her own. I have been a mess for the last couple days, torn because I don't know whether we should keep the pup or not. She would not go back to the shelter if we don't keep her, I would find her a good home. I just don't know if I should commit to keep trying to make this work now, or find her another home while she's still a young puppy.
Remember when you brought your baby home how much more work it was than you thought, how much it all cost, how tired you were?
Of course you don't
but it was, and it's the same with the puppy.
Only you can decide if you want that level of work again. Puppies are as much work as a toddler. Not really expensive but they do cost more than not having a puppy. There is crying and destructiveness and a great need for patience and training and thinking your way around behaviour that is normal for a pup but not what you want.
If you cannot absorb the cost in time and money and above all commitment, return the pup to the shelter - don't find the "good home" because you will be on the way to the puppy getting home after home after home and then back to the shelter possibly as a seriously disturbed animal.
You have picked an exceptionally demanding breed - highly intelligent, motivated, great need for stimulus and exercise. I don't know why you chose that cross. A pup needs more than to be sweet and cute - it needs to grow into a dog that will fit your lifestyle. If you are at work full-time, this one might be more work than you want to do.
I'm not criticising - this catches a lot of people out. Have a think about what you are prepared to offer this pup, and what cannot be done without driving you into exhaustion. If all she does is cry and nip, that isn't much to deal with and we can help you. I'm not sure what you mean by financial drain, but we can't help with that.
You have taken on a baby, every bit as needy and demanding as any other baby. Now is a good time to take her back if you feel you can't cope, but for pity's sake don't pass her on.
Of course you don't
but it was, and it's the same with the puppy.Only you can decide if you want that level of work again. Puppies are as much work as a toddler. Not really expensive but they do cost more than not having a puppy. There is crying and destructiveness and a great need for patience and training and thinking your way around behaviour that is normal for a pup but not what you want.
If you cannot absorb the cost in time and money and above all commitment, return the pup to the shelter - don't find the "good home" because you will be on the way to the puppy getting home after home after home and then back to the shelter possibly as a seriously disturbed animal.
You have picked an exceptionally demanding breed - highly intelligent, motivated, great need for stimulus and exercise. I don't know why you chose that cross. A pup needs more than to be sweet and cute - it needs to grow into a dog that will fit your lifestyle. If you are at work full-time, this one might be more work than you want to do.
I'm not criticising - this catches a lot of people out. Have a think about what you are prepared to offer this pup, and what cannot be done without driving you into exhaustion. If all she does is cry and nip, that isn't much to deal with and we can help you. I'm not sure what you mean by financial drain, but we can't help with that.
You have taken on a baby, every bit as needy and demanding as any other baby. Now is a good time to take her back if you feel you can't cope, but for pity's sake don't pass her on.
Ok - as Nettle says shes as much work as a baby was... and you've done that ok if you have a daughter who is now willing and able at 11 to put in half the work for a puppy, so I would say you do have the ability to sort little puppy out.
Before I start listing the things you can do though, there is NO shame in deciding you cant do this, but i will list what needs to be done and you can sit and talk it through with your daughter and see if between you you can do it.. or not. Whatever happens it is a useful and valuable lesson in life.
Biting:
1/ Stop her being able to bite so easily - dont wear dangley loose sleeves, tuck trousers into socks or shoes.
2/ Give her plenty of things she CAN bite - soft toys, ropes, Kongs filled with food...
3/ When she bites you, stop the game immediately. If its your hands, fold your arms and tuck your hands away. If its your feet, sit on them (put shoes on so you cant feel it and then ignore her). Find ways that mean you can ignore her, ok if it means wearing boots in the house, so be it, its only for a matter of weeks really.
She bites because this is how she learns to control her jaws. Since she has no hands she has to investigate her world with her mouth (remember back to your daughter, I bet she did a fair amount of mouthing and chewing and biting stuff, and she DOES have hands - pups are no different).
In biting and seeing what reaction she gets, she learns that somethings you can really sink your teeth into, shake around and have a wild time - and somethings you cant because all the fun stops and its really boring.
This lesson taught well means you end up with an adult dog who, when you have to do something painful say pull a burr out of her ear fur, or you catch the quick when nail clipping, just takes your hand gentley to say 'ow...be more careful please'.
The dog not taught this lesson bites hard and will do damage without ever meaning to.
Crying:
Shes a baby and she needs company, shes also finding out how to control her world and crying is a great way of doing just that.
She does need to learn how to be on her own and that will take time. If she has done plenty of playing and eating whilst you are there then shes more likely to settle when you are out. If shes done a lot of training as well when you are home, her mind is tired as well as her body.
When you are home, let her follow you around, but dont pay her any attention for doing so.
You can use a bit of mind games on her too, if she wants to follow you about, then give her plenty to think about by going back and forth from the same two rooms over and over and over (break down making a cuppa into lots of little stages so you have to go from living room to kitchen say ten times).
Pretend shes not there if she follows you, and dont even look at her, let alone speak to her. Its BORING to follow you around, you are not going to do anything fun at all.
You can increase the chances of her being less interested in following you if she has something to do herself - give her a big raw bone to eat in the kitchen, and then you pootle from kitchen to living room lots of times.
Who wants to follow Mum around when theres a bone to eat?
If you are going to have to shut her away from time to time or prevent her from following you - time to bring out the baby gates again.
Put them up so she can see you have gone and where you went but cant follow you.
Repeat the getting up and leaving the rooma nd returning lots of times thing, and give her no attention either on leaving or returning - neither thing is a big deal at all.
Again, set her up to want to be busy doing something else, such as eating a bone or with a favourite toy or a stuffed Kong at first so shes less likely to be worried.
Also, get up and leave rooms slowly and quietly - someone leaping up and dashing out of a room is going to catch puppies attention far more than someone slowly getting up and leaving.
Have a read of the clicker training thread stickied at the top of this forum - shes plenty old enough to do that right now and it will really tire out her mind and an Aussie needs a tired mind!
She is likely a very intelligent little puppy, which is going to be hard work - but the plus side is she will learn VERY fast.
Remember to be consistant - dont chop and change methods becuase you dont see an immediate improvement, a lot of behaviours get worse initially as you stop them from working because the dog trys that bit harder. THats normal and we humans do it all the time (how many times do you turn the key in your car before you accept it doesnt work?). Persevere and you will get there.
Remember to reward the good stuff - lots of little treats in pockets are handy so you are not rushing to find a treat to reward something. It sounds silly but its easy to forget to reward a pup for being good and quiet.. and then give them lots of attention when they are playing up, but you will know from raising a child that doing that means the child or puppy learns to misbehave to get attention.
Remember to stay calm - shes a puppy not a hellhound, if you get wound up (and who doesnt from time to time), walk out the room for a few minutes, or pop puppy out of the room for a 30 second time out. You may need to repeat the time outs a lot at first but done properly (ie for just long enough to stop the unwanted behaviour, not so long that pup howls itself to sleep alone in a room) they can work wonders.
Dont get into arguments with your dog - you have the bigger brain and you can think your way round problems. This is one i have to remind myself of a lot lately as my puppy is now 9 months old and BOY is she a little minx at times (today she was 'helping me garden' by digging up all my newly planted strawberries), and shes also becoming a teenage hound... ugh.
Finally - breathe. Shes a puppy and just like babies, it doesnt last for ever. Enjoy the quiet moments when shes being nice and if you do keep her, in a couple of months time you will look back adn think 'well she wasnt so bad really'...a nd then in a few more months time you will think 'aww what was i worrying about' and then in a years time you will have forgotten andstart thinking 'ooh puppies are cute'..... and then it begins again...
As the saying goes 'this too will pass' and it is true, puppy hood is a matter of months in comparison to 15 years or so of a happy, faithful furry friend- you have done your research and thought it through and this is in all likelyhood a wobble, do you realise shes only going to have those horrible razor sharp teeth for another few weeks and then they will fall out and be replaced by bigger but much MUCH blunter adult teeth?
As to the expense... well everything in life costs unfortunately but some things can be done more cost effectively so if you do want ideas on how to save money do ask, im sure some of us have some.
For a start you have access to free advice from the trainers and behaviourists on this board so you are saving a fair penny there already.
You could probably save money by feeding a raw diet rather than complete food (does depend on how much freezer space you have for storage and your access to butchers though but I know people who feed one dog for free pretty much as the butcher gives them bones and the green grocer gives them bruised veg and green leaves)...
Many puppy toys can be made - you can get cardboard boxes for free, a cabbage or a big carrot or an apple to chew on costs less than a doggy chew, some old childrens soft toys can be made safe by removing plastic eyes and noses, old socks tight into a knot to make a ball.
Dog beds I make out of old quilts folded up inside a smaller cover.
I do have expensive leather collarsa ndleads as i find these last a lot longer despite the initial outlay (though, i make mine myself as thats my job but it still costs money).
I cover the runnign costs of FIVE dogs and two of them are very large on a very very small income, so it can be done.
Hope this helps,
Em
Before I start listing the things you can do though, there is NO shame in deciding you cant do this, but i will list what needs to be done and you can sit and talk it through with your daughter and see if between you you can do it.. or not. Whatever happens it is a useful and valuable lesson in life.
Biting:
1/ Stop her being able to bite so easily - dont wear dangley loose sleeves, tuck trousers into socks or shoes.
2/ Give her plenty of things she CAN bite - soft toys, ropes, Kongs filled with food...
3/ When she bites you, stop the game immediately. If its your hands, fold your arms and tuck your hands away. If its your feet, sit on them (put shoes on so you cant feel it and then ignore her). Find ways that mean you can ignore her, ok if it means wearing boots in the house, so be it, its only for a matter of weeks really.
She bites because this is how she learns to control her jaws. Since she has no hands she has to investigate her world with her mouth (remember back to your daughter, I bet she did a fair amount of mouthing and chewing and biting stuff, and she DOES have hands - pups are no different).
In biting and seeing what reaction she gets, she learns that somethings you can really sink your teeth into, shake around and have a wild time - and somethings you cant because all the fun stops and its really boring.
This lesson taught well means you end up with an adult dog who, when you have to do something painful say pull a burr out of her ear fur, or you catch the quick when nail clipping, just takes your hand gentley to say 'ow...be more careful please'.
The dog not taught this lesson bites hard and will do damage without ever meaning to.
Crying:
Shes a baby and she needs company, shes also finding out how to control her world and crying is a great way of doing just that.
She does need to learn how to be on her own and that will take time. If she has done plenty of playing and eating whilst you are there then shes more likely to settle when you are out. If shes done a lot of training as well when you are home, her mind is tired as well as her body.
When you are home, let her follow you around, but dont pay her any attention for doing so.
You can use a bit of mind games on her too, if she wants to follow you about, then give her plenty to think about by going back and forth from the same two rooms over and over and over (break down making a cuppa into lots of little stages so you have to go from living room to kitchen say ten times).
Pretend shes not there if she follows you, and dont even look at her, let alone speak to her. Its BORING to follow you around, you are not going to do anything fun at all.
You can increase the chances of her being less interested in following you if she has something to do herself - give her a big raw bone to eat in the kitchen, and then you pootle from kitchen to living room lots of times.
Who wants to follow Mum around when theres a bone to eat?
If you are going to have to shut her away from time to time or prevent her from following you - time to bring out the baby gates again.
Put them up so she can see you have gone and where you went but cant follow you.
Repeat the getting up and leaving the rooma nd returning lots of times thing, and give her no attention either on leaving or returning - neither thing is a big deal at all.
Again, set her up to want to be busy doing something else, such as eating a bone or with a favourite toy or a stuffed Kong at first so shes less likely to be worried.
Also, get up and leave rooms slowly and quietly - someone leaping up and dashing out of a room is going to catch puppies attention far more than someone slowly getting up and leaving.
Have a read of the clicker training thread stickied at the top of this forum - shes plenty old enough to do that right now and it will really tire out her mind and an Aussie needs a tired mind!
She is likely a very intelligent little puppy, which is going to be hard work - but the plus side is she will learn VERY fast.
Remember to be consistant - dont chop and change methods becuase you dont see an immediate improvement, a lot of behaviours get worse initially as you stop them from working because the dog trys that bit harder. THats normal and we humans do it all the time (how many times do you turn the key in your car before you accept it doesnt work?). Persevere and you will get there.
Remember to reward the good stuff - lots of little treats in pockets are handy so you are not rushing to find a treat to reward something. It sounds silly but its easy to forget to reward a pup for being good and quiet.. and then give them lots of attention when they are playing up, but you will know from raising a child that doing that means the child or puppy learns to misbehave to get attention.
Remember to stay calm - shes a puppy not a hellhound, if you get wound up (and who doesnt from time to time), walk out the room for a few minutes, or pop puppy out of the room for a 30 second time out. You may need to repeat the time outs a lot at first but done properly (ie for just long enough to stop the unwanted behaviour, not so long that pup howls itself to sleep alone in a room) they can work wonders.
Dont get into arguments with your dog - you have the bigger brain and you can think your way round problems. This is one i have to remind myself of a lot lately as my puppy is now 9 months old and BOY is she a little minx at times (today she was 'helping me garden' by digging up all my newly planted strawberries), and shes also becoming a teenage hound... ugh.
Finally - breathe. Shes a puppy and just like babies, it doesnt last for ever. Enjoy the quiet moments when shes being nice and if you do keep her, in a couple of months time you will look back adn think 'well she wasnt so bad really'...a nd then in a few more months time you will think 'aww what was i worrying about' and then in a years time you will have forgotten andstart thinking 'ooh puppies are cute'..... and then it begins again...
As the saying goes 'this too will pass' and it is true, puppy hood is a matter of months in comparison to 15 years or so of a happy, faithful furry friend- you have done your research and thought it through and this is in all likelyhood a wobble, do you realise shes only going to have those horrible razor sharp teeth for another few weeks and then they will fall out and be replaced by bigger but much MUCH blunter adult teeth?
As to the expense... well everything in life costs unfortunately but some things can be done more cost effectively so if you do want ideas on how to save money do ask, im sure some of us have some.
For a start you have access to free advice from the trainers and behaviourists on this board so you are saving a fair penny there already.
You could probably save money by feeding a raw diet rather than complete food (does depend on how much freezer space you have for storage and your access to butchers though but I know people who feed one dog for free pretty much as the butcher gives them bones and the green grocer gives them bruised veg and green leaves)...
Many puppy toys can be made - you can get cardboard boxes for free, a cabbage or a big carrot or an apple to chew on costs less than a doggy chew, some old childrens soft toys can be made safe by removing plastic eyes and noses, old socks tight into a knot to make a ball.
Dog beds I make out of old quilts folded up inside a smaller cover.
I do have expensive leather collarsa ndleads as i find these last a lot longer despite the initial outlay (though, i make mine myself as thats my job but it still costs money).
I cover the runnign costs of FIVE dogs and two of them are very large on a very very small income, so it can be done.
Hope this helps,
Em
Posting Ruskys reply to you here so I can tidy up the double post.
Rusky wrote:will the shelter take the pup back? At 9 weeks this puppy has a great chance of finding a new home, a few months down the track the pup may not be so lucky.
If the shelter won't rehome see if there is another rescue group in your area...the shelter you adopted from should give you a list of rescue groups.
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Ocelot0411
- Posts: 593
- Joined: Thu May 24, 2007 7:30 am
I can't really add much to all that's been said as you've been given some great advise here. One thing I would strongly agree with though is what a shock to the system a puppy is.
Since I left home at the age of 18 all I wanted was a dog of my own. I did all the research, read all of the books, found the right breeder, I thought I was as prepared as I could have been. Then *Wham* this little black and tan hurricane came into my life and tipped it on its head. I would be an absolute liar if I said I never wondered at any time if I had taken on too much as I couldn't have imagined what hard work she would be or how my entire life would become revolved around her and her needs.
A year on the memories of puppyhood are starting to fade (although some of the scars remain
and I mean that literally) and Ellie is now a delight in comparison to those first few months.
That said though, as Emmabeth said admitting that you have made a mistake and returning her to the rescue doesnot make you a bad person. Its better you make this decsion now rather than later, as a pup will be much easy to rehome than a dog with issues. At the end of the day its your decision and noone will judge you for it, but I think its important that you know you are not the only person to have experienced this doubt.
Best of luck whatever you decide to do.
Since I left home at the age of 18 all I wanted was a dog of my own. I did all the research, read all of the books, found the right breeder, I thought I was as prepared as I could have been. Then *Wham* this little black and tan hurricane came into my life and tipped it on its head. I would be an absolute liar if I said I never wondered at any time if I had taken on too much as I couldn't have imagined what hard work she would be or how my entire life would become revolved around her and her needs.
A year on the memories of puppyhood are starting to fade (although some of the scars remain
and I mean that literally) and Ellie is now a delight in comparison to those first few months. That said though, as Emmabeth said admitting that you have made a mistake and returning her to the rescue doesnot make you a bad person. Its better you make this decsion now rather than later, as a pup will be much easy to rehome than a dog with issues. At the end of the day its your decision and noone will judge you for it, but I think its important that you know you are not the only person to have experienced this doubt.
Best of luck whatever you decide to do.
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sweetsangria
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Wed May 07, 2008 8:46 am
- Location: Florida