How do I build my dog's confidence?

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VBL
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How do I build my dog's confidence?

Post by VBL »

We lost Sampson, our 7yr old Pomeranian unexpectedly right before Christmas. He was fine, then gone within 24hrs. He was the leader - smart, social and confident. It's been 4 months and our Shi-tzu, Delilah, is still struggling to cope. She relied on his lead, she'd look at him to gauge if everything was OK or there was reason to worry. Now she is still struggling to find herself, she seems much needier and less confident with signs of separation issues.

I know this is common. But most discussions focus on aggressive behavior - barking, chewing, severe anxiety - and talk about things like exercies to help address. Delilah doesn't have those issues. She just seem much more nervous, and is now peeing in the house. Sometimes she's been out recenty, yet if left alone (even if we are just in the backyard) she will go upstairs and pee outside my bedroom door. Other times she will just go in family room or in the kids playroom. Not sure what drives 'the choice of location' and if it's always emotional or sometimes she just has to go. But I just know that it started happening about 1 or 2 months after Smapson died (oddly not right away).

What can I do to help stop this behavior? Should I be working to rebuild her confidence, if so how do I do that? Thank you for your advice.
emmabeth
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Re: How do I build my dog's confidence?

Post by emmabeth »

This sounds like anxiety to me, so do look at any threads about that.

Can you give us a full run down of your typical day with her - tell us about everything she does so we can get a really clear idea of where and when changes/additions to what you do with her can be made.

You definitely can work to improve her confidence, once you tell us about her typical day we can help with that.

I would be looking at doing lots of fun 'brain training' type stuff, getting her to exercise her mind with things like puzzle solving, clicker training, and also things that are quite relaxing/de-stressing like eating from Kong toys, licking and chewing at a bone.

Its quite probable that she bonded with your older dog much mroe than with you, so she took her lead from him, took her confidence from him, and thats now gone - its really hard when you cannot explain to a dog that YOU are there for them, so you have to demonstrate this wherever you can.

For example, if you are walking and she reacts fearfully to something, recognise and acknowledge it (out loud to her if you like, she won't understand the words but some of the sentiment behind them will get through!) and turn around and take her away from the scary thing. Thats you taking charge and dealing with a situation so she doesn't have to, rather than ignoring her and making her face up to something frightening.

Around the house, a DAP diffuser or collar might well be helpful (i think they changed the name of these recently?? its a dog appeasing pheramone that makes them feel more relaxed and secure).

Restrict her access to places around the house and if you are going out and can take her with you, do so - so out into the yard, take her and if you want the door open for people/for fresh air, then use a leash and tether her to your waist belt or belt loops. Wash the areas shes been in, indoors, REALLY well and use biological washing powder or a high quality pet stain remover, NOT anything bleach/ammonia based (these will break down to a scent that attracts the dog back there!).

IF she is reluctant to toilet in your yard, why might that be? Is it very open, are there other dogs around, is it noisey. You could (and I would strongly recommend you try this) create a sheltered area somewhere secluded for her to go in, if you can make a small rectangle, sheltered by fencing on three sides (willow or brush screening can be good for this), and take her there frequently, she should feel much happier about going outside.

If anyone IS telling her off for going indoors, stop now - even if you catch her in the act, as it will only be increasing her anxiety and decreasing her trust in you. Just stick for now to giving her no opportunities to go indoors and massive opportunities and encouragement and reward for going outdoors.
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Nettle
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Re: How do I build my dog's confidence?

Post by Nettle »

DAP is now Adaptil :)

As well as following Emmabeth's excellent advice, I'd get her checked out by a vet in case she has a urinary infection.
A dog is never bad or naughty - it is simply being a dog

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VBL
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Re: How do I build my dog's confidence?

Post by VBL »

Thank you very much for your reply. Our schedule with Lila is pretty regular - she sleeps in her crate overnight, we let her out in the morning, feed and take outside, she is inside the house during the day with our nanny and kids (she stays on the first floor but there is plenty of room), she goes outside a couple of times during the day (either we let her go outside in a fenced in yard or she walks with nanny/baby), feed dinner around 6pm and take out again in evening, then she goes back in crate when we head upstairs for the night. Middle of the day is not 'scheduled' but there are people around 90% of the time, she is not alone for very long periods. The schedule itself has not changed.

Now, the things that have changed since Sampson's death:
1. I did make a change around crating, then ended up going back. She has been sleeping in her crate since we got her as a puppy, mostly because Sampson would bark early in the morning if not crated. So they each has their separate crates side by side. Once he passed away, I let Lila sleep uncrated and all was ok for a little bit but then she started peeing in the mornings before we got up. So I went back to crating. Perhaps that change in routine didn't help her sense of stability. While she is back to sleeping in the crate, I have to say she doesn't seem to like it. Even though I give her a treat every time she goes inside she seems more hesitant to go inside than before (her body language just says - do I really have to? she used to just run inside happy before now I have to coax or gently guide her). Again, Sampson was by her side, and now she is alone so maybe that's part of it too. The crate is in the mud room, so while the door to the house is open and she is only steps away from the kitchen, maybe that makes her feel isolated? There is not great place to put it in the kitchen area but if it's a big issue can find a spot. I do have to admit that a few times that she peed in the house, I did punish her by putting her in the crate so that might be part of the problem
2. She doesn't have issues going outside per se but she does like company. For example if we just open the door to let her out, she will often sit by the door and just want to come back inside. Even if she needs to go, she will just want to get back in the house asap. However if you come out with her and stand by the grass, she will go without problems. In the past the two dogs would run out, Sampson would head straight for the grass, she would pause and look at him. Then she'd follow him. When he passed away she looked really unsure of what she should do, she just sat there - do I go, do I come back. It has gotten a bit better, she doesnt look quite as lost, but still things go more smoothly if she has company (leash does not seem to make a difference, it's having someone there and sometime actually telling her to go helps accelerate the process)
3. She seems less active overall. While the schedule/walks have not changed, she is more hesitant to go. Before she would just run out, ready to go and Sampson was the lazy one. Now she is not that excited to go, she keeps stopping during the walk like she doesn't want to keep going, she spends a lot more time sleeping during the day vs being around people, etc. I still see bursts of energy in evenings when I try to play with her in evening but it's less frequent than before. It's like she is suddently a few years older (she just turned 7). Whenever we go to play in the yard, I always make a point of calling her outside. She is good off leash, so I always want her to come. Before she would hang out with us, now she just can't wait to go back inside and dashes in any time the door opens. We have 3 kids under the age of 6 so I was thinking she might be getting intimidated by the noise/activity. But that was the case before as well, she just doesn't tolerate it as well now.

Do these generate any additional thoughts/suggestions? I think your points around filling a leadership void and also getting games to keep her mind active/busy make sense. Any more suggestions on routine or things I can do to make her feel more secure and provide a stronger leadership she needs? Does it sounds like she is having confidence issues - would I do anything different/in addition to help address that?

Thank you so much for your time and advice. I really want to help her and will do whatever I can, just need some help to get a clear plan of action. I even thought of getting another dog for her but my baby was diagnosed with allergies to dogs (oddly he is just fine with Lila), so unfortunately that is not an option. I need to find a solution to help her adjust as a single dog. A clear action plan will help me immensely. Thanks again
emmabeth
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Re: How do I build my dog's confidence?

Post by emmabeth »

I think that being alone suddenly and then also you using the crate as punishment a few times has probably not helped here.

I would crate her in my bedroom personally - get her used to the crate as a happy safe place (get a fabric crate for in your room too as then you can leave the old one in the mud room and work your way back to using that), and then gradually move her out of your room to wherever it is you want her to sleep later on when shes happier about things.

With most problem behaviour there is no one magical solution, theres lots and lots of little tweaks to make and a key part is, figuring out which battles to have NOW.. and which to leave til later. If you get it right yo uwill often find the ones left til later will actually go away on their own.

So - crate in your room - dealing with moving the crate out of your room again is a lot easier than fixing things if she gets any worse about being crated elsewhere! When her confidence is sorted you may well find its no longer an issue!

Take her out to potty, don't put her out - again as you progress with improving her confidence in other areas this will get better and you won't need to be right by her side every single time (though it IS a good idea to maintain a certain degree of random reward for pottying in the right place with any dog).

For walks, cut the walks RIGHT down in duration, say for a couple of days try just heading out the front door, go a few steps, TONS of praise, toys, food rewards and then back inside again. Do quite a few of these, but make it a SUPER positive experience that ends BEFORE she has had enough. After a couple of days of this, see if you can increase the distance/duration of walk by just a few minutes, and again keep it super fun, rewarding and end it before shes had enough, so she is really eager to go out again.
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VBL
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Re: How do I build my dog's confidence?

Post by VBL »

Thank you, I will try it
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Circadian
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Re: How do I build my dog's confidence?

Post by Circadian »

Your getting a lot of great advice about the crateing and pottying! But how is the confidence coming? Does your dog follow you around a lot? How does s/he react to seperation?

The loss of a loved one is so devastating to a dog. They cant be allowed to have there minds sink into a rut!! Try enrolling in a training class. Not for the training itself but to get your dog out there and working/thinking again!!

When s/he strarts to slip into that nervious wreck phase its time to break out the training again!! Change the focus. Positive reinforcement and treats!! Nothing makes a dog happier then to know s/he pleased her/his owner!

If you have a mopper who follows you lost and sad start shutting doors behind you. Ie.. you need to go into the office to grab a pen, shut the door so that your little one cant follow. Sure your only going to be like half a second but thats good! You slowly start to show him/her its OK and that you do return!!

Good luck! Keep us posted!!
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Circadian
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Re: How do I build my dog's confidence?

Post by Circadian »

Oh! And like mentioned above try a calming collar! Its a great tool and it comes at a crazy affordable price! It may make a huge change!
jacksdad
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Re: How do I build my dog's confidence?

Post by jacksdad »

Circadian wrote: If you have a mopper who follows you lost and sad start shutting doors behind you. Ie.. you need to go into the office to grab a pen, shut the door so that your little one cant follow. Sure your only going to be like half a second but thats good! You slowly start to show him/her its OK and that you do return!!
I personally wouldn't do this. I would let the dog follow, BUT ignore the dog. be boring. be inefficient as you go about your "chores" or non dog related activities. Make it not worth your dog's time to shadow you. It's always better in a case like this for the dog to choose all on it's own to NOT follow rather than being forced to not follow.

If the dog is grieving, or is unsettled by a major change, the dog NEEDS it's people. cutting the dog off could make it worse, but even if it doesn't, it's not helpful to cut the dog off from you. But nothing says you have to pay attention to the dog as it follows you around the house every second of the day.

Combined with this be sure that you ARE giving the dog the attention it needs, exercise, play, training activities etc.

A really good way to build your bond with your dog in a healthy way and build confidence in your dog is to teach "tricks" with clicker training. the tricks can be as simple as the "box game". this is where your dog earns a yummy reward for doing ANYTHING it wants to with a box. touch it with a paw, jump into the box, flip the box, tear the box up...there is NO wrong answer with this game as long as everyone stays safe. Or teach your dog to get your slippers, put it's toys away etc. imagination is the limit.
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