Dog keeps me up all night when boyfriend stays over, HELP!

[rebeccaann]

I adopted a lovely 4 year old Rottie/Lab mix about a year ago and thought I had resolved most of her issues, until recently. My boyfriend has recently been staying over most nights, and Leila, my pup, usually keeps me up most of the night whenever he's here.

When I first got her, she went through a phase where she was waking up at crazy hours of the night and trying to get me up with her. After giving in for a while, I eventually put my foot down and now when she comes into my bedroom at night I simply say, "Leila, go lay down" and she knows that it's not time to play, it's time to sleep. Worked everytime until my boyfriend started staying over.

Last night put me over the edge. I was up the majority of the night because of her. I have tried everything over the past few weeks. I ignore her as much as possible, or say Leila go lay down, but it gets me no where. I have tried putting one of her beds in my bedroom (since she usually sleeps in the living room) so that she can feel like she's with us. I also try ignoring her but it's hard because I live in an apartment and she will whine and scratch at the wall outside my bedroom (i've tried it with the door open and closed). Unfortunately, the neighbors can hear this and it's very disruptive at 3am.

The issue certainly is not that she gets LESS attention when my boyfriend is here, if anything it's the opposite because he loves her very much and plays with her a lot and shows her much affection when he's here. I believe that, even though we are simply in the bed together sleeping, she feels like my attention is going to someone else and not her when we're in bed at night. She has never slept in my bed, so at least it's not a physical replacement issues.

Due to the fact that I'm usually so tired and have tried other practical methods, sometimes I just give up, like last night. If I leave the bedroom and go sleep on the couch in the living room, she's fine and she'll settle. I just wish it didn't have to be this way because I really like this guy (for once). He travels a lot for work, so he's not here all the time, but I would like for him to be able to sleep over when he is in town without having to worry about being dead tired the next day. I am willing to work with Leila if there are any things that I can try, but so far all my methods have failed. please help!!!!

[Owdb1tch]

How much exercise does she get, and when?

[rebeccaann]

She gets walked- actually walked, not just taken out to pee- twice a day, minimum. When we get up in the morning, and then we usually do a long walk at night, plus little quicker trips out throughout the evening. Plus, weather permitting, there's an off-leash dog park across from where we live and we go there several times a week since she loves other dogs. We also play in the apartment (we have out own version of nightly hide-and-seek that she loves). I doubt that the root of the problem is lack of exercise, since she literally only does this sort of behavior when my boyfriend sleeps over. Hmmm...

[emmabeth]

What about mental exercise?

Physical exercise is important, but often what people think is great exercise is merely a mindless amble for the dog.

What, asides from the hide and seek games, do you do with her to stretch and tire her mind?

From what you have said so far, I would try giving her several training sessions a day, using clicker training. Teach her all manner of tricks (start with simple ones and work your way up to harder ones) so she really has to think. Once she gets the hang of clicker training, see if you can free-shape her to perform new behaviours. Free shaping means you set out in your mind what you want... and then you click the first stages of that behaviour... then when she does the first step on purpose rather than by accident, you slowly move onto the next step..

So for instance, a turn around on the spot, to the left. I would click a look to the left. When the dog does that on purpose, repeatedly, i would withhold the click until the dog moves his head to the left... etc etc, click for feet moving left, two feet moving left, head turning further round etc.

I would also make her food more interesting and make her work more for it. Feed her food as part of the clicker training, but also feed her Kongs stuffed iwth her food, hide food for her to find, put food in a destruction box (cardboard box, food wrapped up in parcels of safe, waste paper).

I wonder if mentally she is a little under stimulated, and she has figured out that when your boyfriend is there, you will do many things to keep her quiet and not be a pain in the bum. She plays on that (in exactly the same way you see small children figuring out if they kick up a fuss in a public place, they WILL get attention) because she knows you cant ignore it.

[rebeccaann]

Thank you, emmabeth. i do agree with what you are saying. I think that many people believe telling a dog to simply "sit" or "Stay" is a punishment to them, but to them it's a task. They enjoy doing it. That's just why I try to never just say "no" to Leila, but rather "no bark, no jump." It gives her something to focus on, and she listens so much better when I do it.

Leila is very much a lab in her mannerisms, and she enjoys the "mental stimulation" that I give her. She is a very well-behaved dog aside from a few isolated issues that I think she has ingrained in her from previous owners and abuse.

Leila is a bit of a tough cookie because she does not play with toys and I haven't found a type of food/treat yet that really stimulates her.

That's what is so tough about this situation. She knows my commands and generally follows them, and is a fun, obedient, and people-pleasing dog. My boyfriend and I have decided that our only other solution is to just let Leila sweat it out this coming Fri and Sat night when he stays over. We are going to simply let her go about her whining and scratching at the wall while occasionally repeating "leila, go lay down" because I know that she will eventually give up. I usually just give in before this happens for a variety of reasons. I feel like we have no more options!!

[Owdb1tch]

Speaking to her rewards the behaviour. She will not 'give up' all the while there is this reward.

You need to reward quiet behaviour. Boy is this going to be tricky when B/F is over! But can be done.

First off, make her be-quiet environment very rewarding - though she is not food or toy oriented (neither are most of my dogs) she will be smell and chew rewarded. So into her BQ place, have a Kong stuffed with smelly treats that she has to work to get, an old item of your clothing eg T shirt that you have worn and then kept in your bed a couple of days to get really smelling of you (not of B/F) things to chew like a cauliflower, cardboard box, raw chicken wings, that sort of stuff.

Personally I'd reduce this environment to crate size, put a blanket over so it is a den, spray the inside with DAP (Dog Appeasing Pheromone) from your vet, and give dog Rescue Remedy in her food, not just when B/F turns up but every day.




After 10 quiet minutes, take her out and do something she likes as a reward. She is not allowed her BQ place goodies unless she is in BQ place, so take her out and shut the door to it, interact with her for as long as you like, but when she goes back to BQ place, she is ignored until she is quiet - stretch the time gradually.

Sounds like you give her a really good life already and she is a clever dog, so shouldn't take long as long as you are absolutely consistent, so do this when B/F is not there as well as when he is.



I'm sure others can add to this, but this is how I'd start.

[Carrie]

Already, so many good suggestions. I like the idea of the crate next to your bed. (if she's crate trained and use to it. If not, I'd accustom her to it gradually at first)

Last night put me over the edge. I was up the majority of the night because of her. I have tried everything over the past few weeks. I ignore her as much as possible, or say Leila go lay down, but it gets me no where. I have tried putting one of her beds in my bedroom (since she usually sleeps in the living room) so that she can feel like she's with us. I also try ignoring her but it's hard because I live in an apartment and she will whine and scratch at the wall outside my bedroom (i've tried it with the door open and closed). Unfortunately, the neighbors can hear this and it's very disruptive at 3am.

This quote caught my eye especially. It could be that you've tried all these different things and that in itself can be the problem. A little something here, a little something there.

Everything in a dogs world is cause and effect. If what they do is rewarded, even inadvertantly, it will continue, if it is not, it will eventually become extinct.

For every behavior, there has to be only one CONSISTENT and IMMEDIATE response. If you like the behavior, then you must consistently and immediately reward it. If you don't, you have to consistently and immediately give a response that is non-rewarding. There should only be one response for each behavior.

The problem is that for every behavior, we humans have too many inconsistent responses.

I understand that ignoring her will bother the neighbors for a while. You might talk with them and explain that you are working on training your dog and that this noise should settle down in a week or so and to please bear with me. You could buy them some ear plugs.

I'd use the crate so she can't scratch your door or walls. She'll be right next to your bed, so that is comforting to her. But you mustn't speak to her at all....absolute silence, no attention, good or bad. When the whining and scratching she does doesn't works for her, the behavior will extinguish. But you must stick with it and be consistant.

I like Owdb1tch's ideas a lot for making the quiet place a nice place. When she's chewing on something tasty or enjoyable, she will be quiet and that will be tying the quiet with something pleasurable. Chewing in itself will also reduce stress.

Perhaps more mental exercise not too long before bedtime. And a nice run/walk.

So, whether or not your b.f. is over, do the same thing with her every night to get her use to being quiet in the crate next to your bed. Continue when your bf comes over. If she shows this whiny behavior, don't reinforce it with any attention. Your b.f. must do the same. Stay with it. Don't give up too soon and switch to some other tactic. Most behaviors like this will extinguish within a couple of weeks with consistancy and correctness.

Good luck!

[emmabeth]

Something else that springs to mind..

When something works for a dog... and then all of a sudden it stops working. They try harder.

When your car doesnt turn over the first time you try to turn the key... whaddya do? You turn the key again!

Even when a lightbulb blows as you flick the switch, and you know from however many years old you are, that that flash and ping sound means the bulb IS gone.. whaddya do... you flick the switch again, maybe even a couple of times.

Dogs do this - if we do this ourselves and we KNOW if the lightbulb is gone, its gone.. if the car aint starting, it aint starting.... we can hardly be surprised that dogs have these same instinctive reactions to try again, try harder.

Going back to the car that doesnt start. If sometimes your car starts on the second or third go... when it doesnt start the first time, you will try not twice, not three times... you will try five or six times. Because you KNOW that three goes at it is not unusual... so the time it doesnt start after three goes, you give it a few more.

Now go back to that dog who whines and gets attention. Sometimes shes whined for 5 minutes and got attention. Sometimes its taken 10.. sometimes the attention was great, othertimes someone chucked a boot at her, but either way, if shes tried hard enough, someone responds, somehow!

So how long will she try now... well the first time you decide you are not responding whatsoever... she may well try for 20, 30 minutes, more.. and the more you give in and respond to it, the more she learns if she just persists that bit further... she will get what she wants.

So do not think 'argh, this isnt working, shes worse'... because once you get over that trying harder period (its called an extinction burst), she will figure it all out pretty fast.

But just remember when shes yelling at you at 3am.... shes only doing what you yourself would do. No better, no worse.

[Carrie]

Absolutely. That is so true and such a good point to bring up. She's going to likely get worse with the drama before she gets better so you have to out-last her.

Right now.....for the last couple of weeks, my DVR receiver for my satalite TV thing has been putting a warning on the TV that my remote control batteries need replacing. And don't I know it! LOL. But when you replace the batteries you have to re-programe the remote and I haven't figured out how to do that yet...a big hassle. So, I just keep going along. But I have to push the buttons harder, aim more dead center and sometimes try a couple of times before it will change channels. (my reward) LOL. I don't even try to do it the way I did it before. I've learned that it takes this extra effort and that's how I work it. I didn't give up when it didn't work the first time. I tried harder and that's how I do it now. When the batteries truly go out, I'll see that it really doesn't work to try so hard and I'll give up...replace the batteries. That last time before I finally throw in the towel, I'll give it all the gusto I've got. That will be the extinction burst.

My niece's dog is obsessed with fetching a ball. He whines and barks until she throws it. She gets tired of throwing it and says, "No....No more." She scolds him ("Stop it!") for whining. Then he whines some more. I told her to ignore him if she wants him to stop. So she does.............................for a while. But he keeps it up and finally, she can't stand his whining anymore so she throws it. Now he's learned that if he whines.....not for one minute, but for a marathon duration, the ball will be thrown. She says he's just being stubborn and a brat. I say, no.....he's learned just exactly the way we all learn things. LOL. Sometimes she'll throw it after 30 seconds of whining, sometimes after a minute, sometimes after 3 mintues but she throws it.

She puts it on a variable reinforcement schedule, thereby strengthening the behavior. She's also taught him that the scolding is just part of the deal, it goes with it...that it doesn't mean anything bad. (because it's fairly mild and not associated with anything bad, but instead associated with getting the ball thrown.)

So, that is why you must not give in, keep on ignoring him in the absolute sense and stay with it for as long as it takes. It will stop when she finally finds that it simply does not work.