New dog anxiety...

[UKChloeT]

When I say new dog anxiety, I mean I'm anxious not the dog!

I don't know what's come over me, I've been wanting a dog for ages, I grew up with them all my life and I desperately miss the companionship. We've found Luna (9 month old husky cross labrador), we've had our house check and she's coming home on Saturday but for some reason I'm starting to freak out!
A bit of background on me....I'm 27 (28 in August) and I left my job at the beginning of June as it was making me miserable. Whilst looking for a new job I started volenteering at my local animal shelter, taking the dogs for walks every morning. I fell in love with a German Shepherd and we got very close to re-homing him but the shelter then discovered some deep seated aggression problems and worst of all incredibly bad hip dysplasia which would have crippled in him in 2-3 years. It broke my heart but we stopped the re-homing process.
Then Luna arrived at the shelter and (thinking with my head rather than my heart) we decided we could give her a home!
Earlier this week I got a job, starting in August. The one down side is that they won't let me take an hour for lunch to go and let Luna out. The pay is already much lower than my previous job and the thought of paying a dog walker 2-3 times a week is stressing me out. My partner can come home some days to let her out but not all the time and for the next few months he'll be working miles away in Dartford 2 days a week.
I so want to give Luna the best home possible but the thought of leaving her crated all day is stressing me out and she's not even home yet!

I don't quite know what I'm expecting you all to say, I just wanted to get it off my chest. x

[ladybug1802]

Hi.....ok first off.....deep breaths!!!! You certainly dont want to start off Luna's new life with you with out being anxious....she wioll pick up on it! Although I hate to say it, you are right to worry about leaving her all day crated on her own. You really shouldnt do this and need to find an alternative......she shouldnt really be left any longer than 4 hours. Its too long for her to go without going to the toilet for a start, and will likely lead to behavioural issues such as chewing and possibly separation anxiety. I know you know this already, so I dont want to make you feel worse (honestly I dont!!) but imagine it from your point of view.....imagine beingh lefty in a small room all day, unable to go to the toilet, with nothing to do. How long would it take for you to go out of your mind?

I'm afraid that this is something all dog owners need to take into account when rehoming a dog or getting a new dog from any background......putting preparations into place for when we are at work all day. Do you have friends/family/neighbours that would be able to come in a couple of times a day, let her out, play with her etc? Do you have friends/family that could have her for the day - which would be idea? If not then I'm afraid you really DO need to find a good, reputable dog walker to come in, or who can have her for the day.

I hate to say this, but if you cant then maybe you need to face the fact that now is not the time for you to get a dog?? I honestly dont mean to sound mean, so apologies if I do...and I certainly dont want to stress you out even more so apologies if I have!

[UKChloeT]

Oh Ladybug that didn't help
I know she can't be crated all day and I know I'll have to get someone to pop round and see her every day while I'm at work, I would never let her go 8 hours on her own!
I'm just getting a little stressed out at the responsibility of it all, I think I just need to take a step back and realise that everyone works and there are professionals out there who can give Luna a break in the middle of the day when I'm not around. I'm a bit of a cup half empty kinda gal at the moment, I need to see the plus sides for a while and stop focussing on the negative.
I've contacted a few dog walkers, one of whom use to walk a husky cross malamute so he knows what he's letting himself in for and knows not to let her off the lead!!

I should be happy, I've got a new job and a new dog....so why am I freaking out?

[ladybug1802]

Ahhh ok...sorry - I misread your post to mean you are stressing out because you will have to leave her crated all day alone! Well in that case you are being a good doggy owner and looking into all possibilities so that is good!

So.....its understandable you are stressing out a bit....first dog and all that....but its good that you arent entering into it lightly and it just means you are facing up to all responsibilities. I reckon once you get her, and you are into a 'routine' whereby you go to work and she has a dog walker or whatever come into see her in the day, and you have bonded with her, you will relax very fast!!

So...what exactly are you stressing about?? I can do a loooong list of plus sides to having a dog...but it will be massive! And that is even with having a rescue dog myself who has issues and is scared with strangers and we have done soooo much work. So maybe list the things you are worried about and we can go through them??

[UKChloeT]

Okay, here goes with my "cup half empty" worries...
1. I've got only 3 weeks to crate train her and get her happy with being left for up to four hours at a time. In those 3 weeks I will be home 24/7, 7 days a week, I can totally devote my time to her training.
2. If she doesn't settle in time then we've got big problems.
3. New job is a dream job (working for a chocolate company!) but they'll only allow me 30mins for lunch and I can't get home in time so dog walker is only option really.
4. New job is unfortunately much less money than old job, dog walker is an unforeseen expense (would never not get one, just wasn't expecting to need one)
5. Partner is being a little unsupportive, snapped at me last night when I said I only had a 30 min lunch break and his immediate response was "Well we can't get Luna then!"

Gosh, reading it back I sound like such a depressed person! I think being out of work for so long has got me a bit down

[ladybug1802]

Okay, here goes with my "cup half empty" worries...
1. I've got only 3 weeks to crate train her and get her happy with being left for up to four hours at a time. In those 3 weeks I will be home 24/7, 7 days a week, I can totally devote my time to her training.:

OK.....well do you know her background? You wont know if 3 weeks is long enough or not until you gether I'm afraid.....if she has no separation anxiety issues and other major issues then 3 weeks should be fine to crate train her and get her used to being left. Will you definitely have toleave her in her crate when you leave her? Just if not, maybe you could put her comfy bed in the kithcen, for example, if you need to have her in one room rather than have the run of thehouse, then that takes the stress out of crate training her in a set amout of time. And if you are stressed it wont help......she will pick up on it for sure! Sadly if 3 weeks isnt long enough for her, there then isnt much you can do....but I aimgine you know her background etc and she hasnt got any major issues or come from an abusive/bad background?

2. If she doesn't settle in time then we've got big problems.:

Si if she doesnt settle in 3 weeks (and although it is most likely she will, there is no way of knowing for sure) is there a place you can take her for the day? Doggy daycare place? Or one of the dog walkers that can have her for the day? I know a couple of very good ones in my area but I am in Surrey....where are you based?

3. New job is a dream job (working for a chocolate company!) but they'll only allow me 30mins for lunch and I can't get home in time so dog walker is only option really.:

Ooh that would be my dream joib without a doubt! Which choc company is it? Ok so dont stress about that.....there is nothing you can do about that, unless you have a chat to them, explain you have responsibilities and see if they would be flexible and allow you that hour instead of a half hour/./....you never know - they may well do if they know why?

4. New job is unfortunately much less money than old job, dog walker is an unforeseen expense (would never not get one, just wasn't expecting to need one):

Not much I can say to this one I'm afraid......but unless you have friends or family that can help out then as you know this is an expense that will need to be spent.

5. Partner is being a little unsupportive, snapped at me last night when I said I only had a 30 min lunch break and his immediate response was "Well we can't get Luna then!"
:

Men huh! I assume he wants to get Luna as much as you? I think maybe you should sit down and have a good calm chat about the problems you are worrying about....and believe me they are all things that are manageable and are not insurmountable, but will seem worse when you stress about them! I am a worryer by nature.....if anything is on my mind I get butterflies in my tummy, cant sleep and cant get it out my mind until it is sorrted.....but since having my boy I haver learnt that things are far easier to deal with, and quickerm, when I remain calm! My dog picks up on my stress REALLY easily! You will also need to get across to your partner that you need to both bne on the same page and both be supportive....it will clearly be a learning curve for you but you have thr right ideas and its great you are looking for dog walker etc even though you would rather not have to deal with the expense.....Luna will be much happier for it!

[UKChloeT]

OK.....well do you know her background? You wont know if 3 weeks is long enough or not until you gether I'm afraid.....if she has no separation anxiety issues and other major issues then 3 weeks should be fine to crate train her and get her used to being left. Will you definitely have toleave her in her crate when you leave her? Just if not, maybe you could put her comfy bed in the kithcen, for example, if you need to have her in one room rather than have the run of thehouse, then that takes the stress out of crate training her in a set amout of time. And if you are stressed it wont help......she will pick up on it for sure! Sadly if 3 weeks isnt long enough for her, there then isnt much you can do....but I aimgine you know her background etc and she hasnt got any major issues or come from an abusive/bad background?

She came from a couple in their 70's who bought her as a cute little puppy and then decided she was "too bouncy" as she grew up. Daft wotsits would've been better off adopting an older dog! Anyway, it did say in her notes that she howls when left...but I don't think she was trained, I think they just left her to it and thought she'd stop eventually! I'm hoping that the intensive time I can spend with her will help her recognise that I am coming back and actually the crate is quite nice because she'll get yummy treats in there and a durable toy!
I can't leave her out of the crate, she's 75% Husky and everything I've red about them is that they're destructive and escape artists..a baby gate wouldn't hold her!!

Si if she doesnt settle in 3 weeks (and although it is most likely she will, there is no way of knowing for sure) is there a place you can take her for the day? Doggy daycare place? Or one of the dog walkers that can have her for the day? I know a couple of very good ones in my area but I am in Surrey....where are you based?

I'm in Chichester, West Sussex. Just waiting to hear back from a company regarding prices for everything from doggy day care to house visits, group walks & one on one walks.

Ooh that would be my dream joib without a doubt! Which choc company is it? Ok so dont stress about that.....there is nothing you can do about that, unless you have a chat to them, explain you have responsibilities and see if they would be flexible and allow you that hour instead of a half hour/./....you never know - they may well do if they know why?

Google Montezuma's Chocolates, I'll be working in their head office which is only 7 miles away!
I tried asking for an hour's lunch, saying that I need to get back for the dog, but they were adamant that everyone in the company has 30mins and people rarely leave the building in that time so they would rather I conformed to the norm

Men huh! I assume he wants to get Luna as much as you?

Yes, he liked her straight away but he's never had a dog before so he just doesn't understand that we might have some problems. That and he's furious that the new job won't let me take an hour for lunch

[UKChloeT]

oh bugger, totally mis-used the quotations!!!

[Liv]

My husband is a dog walker, he has clients who use him every day because their dogs have separation anxiety. He picks their dogs up first thing and then they call him when they are leaving work so that he can drop the dog off after they get home so the dogs are never left.
Hopefully there will be similar in your area.
If not call your new job up and say thanks but no thanks, you are starting a dog walking/ pet sitting company in Sussex as you have spotted a gap in the market

[UKChloeT]

If not call your new job up and say thanks but no thanks, you are starting a dog walking/ pet sitting company in Sussex as you have spotted a gap in the market

That's very tempting!! If I had the money to start myself up I'd be investing in a doggie van tomorrow! I'd love to work somewhere where I can take my dog with me but that's a bit of a fantasy really....and definitely not possible in a chocolate factory!

[Nettle]

STOP

Your partner is right. You are not ready to get a dog. Not this dog, not any dog. WHEN you have been in your new job a while and got the feel of how it's going is the time to revisit your ideas of being a dog owner. Now is absolutely not the time, not because you can't be a great dog owner at some time in the future but because you CANNOT offer any dog what it needs right now.

You know I'm talking sense and I'm sorry to have to be so blunt but all I am doing is spelling out what you already know.

You will not be the only person who couldn't have a dog when they wanted - lots of us had to wait until we could offer more time or a better yard, home layout, enough spare cash, whatever. You will be a far better home for waiting. There is no way you can rehome a dog but most particularly this needy high-energy dog with both of you out at work and no backup in terms of help and enough money to pay for it.

[ladybug1802]

Now the one thing that worries me about this situation from your last post is the fact that you say she howls when left. So she has pretty bad separation anxiety. As an example, my rescue dog had bad separation anxiety when I got him.....it took me about 2 or 3 months to get him over it. And I did it by slowly building up the time I left him from a few seconds to an hour....but VERY slowly. Apart from the times I left him for his 'training' I didnt leave him alone AT ALL during these months. I either took him to my parents if I had pre arranged plans (it was near xmas) or took him to a friends house who he knew well. I set up a video camera to see how he was when left, and he paced, cried, howled, didnt pay attention to any stuffed kongs or other things Ieft for him. My point is I did get himover it, but it took months rather than weeks....and if your dog has separation anxiety at her last place it is highly unlikely she will suddenly be fine being left, especially as since then she has had the trauma of being in the shelter and then going to a new home etc. If this IS the case, how will you cope when yougo to work in a few weeks?

I worry that you are so stressed before you have even got her, and it is already causing stress between you and your partner. This should be the time when you are all excited and looking forward to getting your new companion....not stressing about potential problems. It does make me think this is maybe not the right time or not the right dog. A new job is stressful enough on its own! I honestly dont mean to 'rain on your parade' but sometimes it takes an outsider to show the possible problems and be impartial. Maybe your worries you have at the moment is your subconscious way of telling yourself its not quite the right time?

[curiositee]

I'm actually kind of in a similar predicament. Has anyone here tried to litter train anything bigger than a cat? I've seen some high-tech doggie bathrooms with deodorizers and fake grass and whatnot, and while I question the sanitation of those things, I can see how some people can make it work if, e.g. you keep it in the bathroom with the fan constantly turned on, or you keep it out on a balcony.

Or you can do like the Asians in mega cities where the nearest patch of grass is 20 stories down and 3 metro stops away: Lay down newspaper or simple puppy pads in the bathroom and train them to potty there. Not ideal, and you have to be meticulous with sanitation (and leave the window open!), but your dog won't have to be locked in his crate for hours on end, and you won't stress about being on a tight budget.

Edit: I also wanted to add that I'm actually kind of glad to see you're stressing a little about your new baby! It shows that you really have thought about this, and are continuing to think about it. SO MUCH BETTER than "Hey, let's get a dog tomorrow." "OK!"

As long as you know what you're in for, and you're willing to go the extra mile, I think that as soon as Luna comes home, you'll see her wandering around her new home and finding her favorite spots, and you'll realize she's totally worth it.

[ladybug1802]

curiositee....on this forum we do not recommend puppy pads or the like at all. Best to start properly house training your dog from day 1.....we do not all live in Tokyo several sytories up! Puppy pads mean that dogs do not ever start to understand they are meant to go to the toilet outside, even tho owners seem to expect them to know.

Lay down newspaper or simple puppy pads in the bathroom and train them to potty there. Not ideal, and you have to be meticulous with sanitation (and leave the window open!), but your dog won't have to be locked in his crate for hours on end, and you won't stress about being on a tight budget.

Its not just leaving a dog in the crate all day which is wrong (which the OP knows anyway so this isnt an issue) just because the dog cant go to the toilet. Sure it is an issdue, but the biggest issue is the fact the dog should NOT be left alone all day - reegardless of if it is in a crate, a kithcen or the entire house.

[jacksdad]

.... My point is I did get himover it, but it took months rather than weeks....

In Patrica McConnell's Separation Anxiety book the last things she does is walk you through a 6 or 8 week (can't remember which) program designed to resolve severe cases of SA. BUT the program is just a guide/illustration of how to address the issue. the "idealist" example still assumes about 2 months of work minimum. There is really no way to know how long real life will take until you dive in an try.

Point being, Ladybug is right, 3 weeks even in the most ideal isn't going to be long enough if just leaving a tasty kong as you walk out the door isn't enough.

Curiositee, yes the whole fake grass/potty pad in the house is always an option and can be done just as easy as training to go outside. HOWEVER given a choice these are NOT the best options if you live in a typical house/apartment/condo/town home. The problem beyond sanitary/smell concerns is IF you ever move to a place this isn't an option or you move to a place you would no longer like to do this because you now have a back yard for example, you would have to start at square one as if your dog was a puppy, but this is compounded by having to get your dog to understand that while it used to be ok, it's no longer. that's a hard "conversation" to have.

UkChloeT
Right now I would say the SA issues over shadow the how to deal with giving your dog a bathroom break. If this dog is already showing indication of SA Nettles post becomes even more relevant. This just may not be the dog for you or the time to have a dog at all.