petting a shy dog

cinnywatches · Post by **cinnywatches** » Mon Jul 11, 2011 9:45 am

hi
I have a shy dog and when people go to pet her, she becomes frightened. She will move back. I want people to be able to pet my dog. How can I get my dog used to people approaching her and petting her? She will take treats from people. thanks

Sarah83 · Post by **Sarah83** » Mon Jul 11, 2011 10:39 am

Why do you want people to be able to pet her if she obviously doesn't like it? You can try to desensitize her to people approaching her and petting her but it will take time and there's no guarantee it will work. I'll leave it to someone else to explain the process as my head's all over the place at the moment.

Nettle · Post by **Nettle** » Mon Jul 11, 2011 11:04 am

This is the dog you have not the dog you'd planned to have. She doesn't like being petted by strangers. Nor do I, and I suspect nor do you. It is perfectly reasonable for your dog to dislike being touched by strangers.

Think about why you want her to accept strangers touching her and I suspect it will be all about you (look at my cute dog) and not at all about her (stop wiping your hands on me). Sorry if this sounds harsh - it isn't meant to be - it is meant to point out that you need to put your dog's happiness and security above any unnecessary desires of your own.

A dog gains nothing by being petted by strangers, and many of them don't care for it. Sometimes they have to shout before we hear them, though.

Suzette · Post by **Suzette** » Mon Jul 11, 2011 12:10 pm

Nettle, though I'm not the OP on this thread, your response was an eye-opener for me. My pup is still very young (almost 9 weeks) and my thoughts and actions right now are focused on socializing her. Because this is a consuming goal for me right now, it's been in the back of my mind that I'm doing this in part so she will love people and accept their attention, including petting. Others must see it this way too, it's so easy to assume that if they don't, we've somehow failed them. So it's good to read your take on this and put socialization and its ultimate goal into perspective.

Will my pup will grow into a dog that loves people and their attention? Maybe. BUT. . . if she doesn't, I'll know I haven't failed her as long as she is comfortable and happy around people, even if she doesn't like being directly touched by strangers.

Nettle · Post by **Nettle** » Mon Jul 11, 2011 12:54 pm

Thank you Suzette. It's such a difficult path to tread in getting information across without upsetting people.

Suzette wrote:I'll know I haven't failed her as long as she is comfortable and happy around people, even if she doesn't like being directly touched by strangers.

This is the ideal goal.

emmabeth · Post by **emmabeth** » Mon Jul 11, 2011 1:53 pm

I think in a perfect world, all dogs would like humans touching them, AND, all HUMANS would respect that touching a dog is not actually necessary, that it is a privilege not a right.

So lets work to achieve that aim, but yeah, if your dog is happy and relaxed around people, will accept a reward from you, if not them, in all situations, then that is good enough.

Sarah83 · Post by **Sarah83** » Mon Jul 11, 2011 2:45 pm

Sometimes nature wins out over nurture no matter what. My current dog has been through god only knows what, he certainly wasn't well socialised, yet is one of those dogs who loves attention from strangers. My border collie mix was extensively socialised yet wouldn't tolerate being touched by a strange adult.

cinnywatches · Post by **cinnywatches** » Mon Jul 11, 2011 3:25 pm

I guess it is not the dog for me.

MPbandmom · Post by **MPbandmom** » Mon Jul 11, 2011 4:21 pm

Cinnywatches, what do you mean by it isn't the dog for you?

I have 2 dogs. One of them thinks everybody she meets is her new best friend. This is a problem at times, because not everybody we pass on the street wants to be enthusiastically greeted by a large dog.

(She is a husky lab mix. Small for a lab but still about 50 pounds worth of labish dog.)

My other dog has fear issues and doesn't want strangers to approach her. She will also take food from strangers, but this often results in her approaching people looking for food and then reacting poorly when they reach out to touch her. However, if people ignore her, keep their distance, and let her decide if she likes this person or not, within about 15 minutes or so, she will be fine with the person, often even letting them pet her under the chin. She doesn't like hands reaching over her head. For her I help her by managing her environment. I keep distance from people. I make certain only people she knows well are allowed to give her treats. I tell other people how to act around her so that she will become more comfortable around them.

While you may not have gotten a dog that behaves in the manner that you had desired. You have gotten a dog. A living being that needs to be understood and helped to live a happy life. With proper management, you may find that in the future your dog will be more receptive of strangers, maybe not. If you take the time to work with this dog however, you will most certaintly grow and learn more than you ever would have learned had this dog been just what you wanted in a dog.

We don't get to pick our children, or send them away if they aren't exactly what we wanted in a child.

Learning to adapt and adjust is a wonderful part of life.

Maz · Post by **Maz** » Mon Jul 11, 2011 4:57 pm

Our little dog does not like anyone petting him generally - and that includes us - sometimes he will go and have a little stroke but it's his choice and I tell everyone when they ask that he doesn't like it and please do not do it. He is VERY cute to look at and so everyone does want to touch him - they often say things which upset me inside like how strange he is, and what's happened to him that he doesn't like it - is he a rescue dog? (nothing's happened to him - we've had him since 8 weeks) and they go on to tell me about how affectionate their dog is etc. I'd love to cuddle him too but that's not what he likes so that's the way he is. When I see other people's dogs seemingly lapping up the attention and enjoying being petted I wish he was like that but he's not ... we still love him very much - I'm glad we have him as we accept him for how he is and I'm not sure what his future might have been with someone else ...

cinnywatches · Post by **cinnywatches** » Mon Jul 11, 2011 7:33 pm

yes, but I am looking for a more social dog, I go many places and I want to bring my dog. she might do better in a home where she can be shy

Nettle · Post by **Nettle** » Tue Jul 12, 2011 2:16 am

You have a social dog. You CAN take her places. She doesn't want to be touched by strangers which is a whole different matter. She isn't stopping you from doing anything or going anywhere - she is simply explaining that she does not want to be touched by people she doesn't know.

A lot of people would love a dog as social as that.

ladybug1802 · Post by **ladybug1802** » Tue Jul 12, 2011 2:58 am

I do think its a shame that you are considering getting rid of your dog just because she doesnt like strangers touching her. Makes me sad. I have a dog who is fearful of strangers, but we have got to the stage now where he can be around people, but I just tell people to ignore him. It certainly doesnt mean he cant come places with me......I just dont take him to very very crowded places because it would be too much for him and I dont want to stress him. But I would never ever consider getting rid of him because he is fearful. He is incredibly affectionate to me and all the people he knows and trusts.....just take time with your dog and dont force your dog to be petted when she doesnt like it, and her confidence will most likely increase.

runlikethewind · Post by **runlikethewind** » Tue Jul 12, 2011 4:04 am

This thead is so sad on many levels.

not least the notion that it didn't do what it said on the box. I am returning it. What about being in it for the long haul? There are no guarantees with any pup that she will turn out to love strangers petting her (like a therapy dog!!) one in a million I would say. If you want to give her up, you should at least consider an adult rescue where you can already ascertain the friendliness of the dog and whether it it to your liking.

Dogs ARE social creatures. Some more than others though. That does not mean they cannot be taken to places and be part of your life.

If you took the pressure of her (and yourself) and stop forcing her to interact, I think you'd find she would start to seek out interaction with others on her terms. This is what is happening with our fearful dog. Her underlying friendly personality (which was buried before) is coming out with people she trusts and knows (friends) and even strangers in training club she sniffs confidently now.

See for yourself, if you do this - I bet things will change.

If you want to work on this - we can help you with games and techniques to do with her and your friends and possibly strangers at some point.

cinnywatches · Post by **cinnywatches** » Tue Jul 12, 2011 6:30 am

i have worked with her on agility and odebience classes. she took many classes. nothing helps her. having a dog like this is very sad for me. everyday I walk her and someone asks to pet her, no one can pet her. I see other people with their dogs and there dogs are great. I would like a friendly dog.

Positively | Victoria Stilwell | Forum

petting a shy dog

petting a shy dog

Re: petting a shy dog

Re: petting a shy dog

Re: petting a shy dog

Re: petting a shy dog

Re: petting a shy dog

Re: petting a shy dog

Re: petting a shy dog

Re: petting a shy dog

Re: petting a shy dog

Re: petting a shy dog

Re: petting a shy dog

Re: petting a shy dog

Re: petting a shy dog

Re: petting a shy dog