Heartbroken & Torn

[sable334]

Hi Everyone,
My name is Erin, and I am 33 years old woman who lives in good o'l Massachusetts. In my home resides; my boyfriend, his 18 year old daughter, and my 14 year old daughter. Now for my other children, the four legged children, that is; Magik & Wizard are my cats, Zeus is our black Lab and Scooby is our Great Dane. Here's where it gets hard for me Just last week we did have two Great Dane's, Daphne is the one no longer with us. They are both from the same litter (sisters- 7 months old) and on St. Patrick's Day they were scheduled to be spayed. They both went in and came out of anesthesia fine, we were told their tails were wagging, but there was concern of some bleeding from the skin incision not the incision itself. I was told there was no hemorrhaging but the Vet wanted them to stay for observation. Well my Daphne for unknown causes, unexpectedly passed away. My boyfriend took her to another Vet for an autopsy to make sure the previous Vet didn't do this to her. The Vet's are confused to what had happened because it shouldn't have happened; there was no reason for it. Needless to say I'm SO HEARTBROKEN!!!!! I miss my Daphne sooooo much and the grieving feels like it's not going to let up. My boyfriend & I are doing the would've, could've, should've, beating up to ourselves.
Well, Scooby is going through separation anxiety and seems so lost. The girls did everything together, slept, played, ate, pottied, etc. Being crated was never an issue; now Scooby will howl and cry if she's in the crate. We even moved it in to our room (when the girls were together it wasn't an issue). I couldn't bare the crying, so we let her out and now she's been sleeping with us in our bed (thank god for king size )for 4 days. Everywhere we go, she follows. Because Daphne was such a leader, I had her trained to ring the bell to go potty; Scooby would follow. Now she has accidents & doesn't like to be left alone, which now has increased my anxiety tremendously. My black Lab we have to keep separated because Scooby can't play, jump or get excited for another 6-7 days, so not to bleed. Zeus, is the hyper one and though neutered he always tried to hump the girls and he can get too rambunctious, which is another concern because Daphne was the protector. My whole household seems flipped upside down and I don't know how to recover....Please I'm open to any suggestions.......Thank you.

[emmabeth]

Oh no, thats so awful... I recently had my Deerhound ***** spayed and I was chewing my nails the whole day - she came through it fine fortunately.. but I would be the same as you are now if she hadnt!

There is really nothing you could have done, even if you hadnt got her spayed, something else could have happened... you chose to have her spayed for good reasons and it IS extremely rare that this sort of thing happens.

Moving on from that... one of the reasons we regularly advise people NOT to have two pups together, is that they bond way more with one another than with us... which is sweet for them, but... Now you have to go back to treating Scooby as if shes an 8 week old puppy (im not saying this to have a go at you, i realise this is an awful time, but Scooby needs you to understand whats gone on, and what needs to happen next) because up until now, Daphne has taken the lead and shes taken all her confidence from Daphne.

Hopefully, in a few days when she can mix with your other dog she will improve a lot.

Right now.. have you ever done any clicker training? If not go read the clicker training thread which is in the Training Articles section of the forum. This is something you can do with Scooby whilst also keeping her quiet and not bouncy... it will improve her confidence enormously, both in herself and in you. Shes really going to need that.

I wouldnt worry about her sleeping on the bed - she needs your company and you need hers. Later on, maybe weeks, maybe months... you can rearrange the sleeping thing to elsewhere if you want to.

As far as leaving her alone... would she be ok crated with your other dog in the room? That may help her.. for now though I wouldnt leave her alone, until at least shes had her stitches out and gets the OK from the vet. Then, the same as with housetraining - back to baby puppy stuff. We can advise on that over on the training advice area of the forum when shes all done getting over her spay.

For now, greive for Daphne, build her confidence in you and herself and get through the next few days. You may find some Bach Flower Remedies could help you all, there are various ones including some for greif, loss, anxiety or confusion.. you know yourselfs and Scooby best so have a look at the remedies available and pick the ones you think would suit you.

Big hugs for you all!

[Mattie]

HUGS It is always hard to loose our babies but for one so young, that is tragic.

Rescue Remedy will help her, it is one of the Bach Flower remedies and has several in the one remedy including Star of Bethlehem which is for trauma and grief and several for different fears. I found Star of Bethlehem helped me through when my husband passed away but I didn't need the ones for fears, your dog may. If she doesn't need them they won't do her any harm.

[luvmydogs]

I am so sorry for your loss... I know what you mean about feeling guilty and thinking what if I had done something different..I lost one of my dogs from being hit by a car..I saw the whole thing happen..I blamed myself for not doing different things leading up to that for the longest time...It is so hard to lose a pet tragically because it is so unexpected..It hits you like a ton of bricks because you don't see it coming..Give yourself as much time as you need..I wish there was a magic pill we could take that would make the pain go away..When the shock wears off somewhat though try doing something that is your absolute favorite thing to do...Give yourself something to look forward too..I stopped being happy because I was so guilty so I needed to do something to bring happiness back..At first you go through the motions but then things start to become fun again..You will get through this and become stronger in the process...Lots of HUGS coming your way...Paula

[sable334]

Thank you to everyone for your support, encouragement and understanding. I will greatly miss my Daphne, who I must say, was so deeply loved and spoiled for the short time we had her. Reading everyone's replies had lifted my heart; to know that I am not alone that there are people who understand the pain I'm feeling. I thought people would think I was weird for having such an ominous introduction of myself. Thank you again sooooo much for letting me tell my story. Time does heal all wounds; even though at the moment it feels like an eternity.
Thank you,
~Erin

[luvmydogs]

You are so right time does heal all...Except it goes so slow...You'll have good days and bad ones but the good days start coming more and more..I'm glad we helped somewhat..Still heres another HUG for you in case you need an extra one...Paula