Im so sorry this has happened to you... stick around here and you will find the dog for you... in time.
I can totally understand not wanting to be involved with this shelter, once bitten, twice shy as they say!
I really REALLY wish that rescues would read stuff like this and realise that prospective adopters DO matter and the internet being the way it is, BAD news travels a lot faster than good.
They want people to adopt, and to choose rescue dogs, they have GOT to up their people skills.
Awful adoption experience
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DogzRule1996
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Keep us updated on what's going on, what breed of dog you want, size, etc. and people who live in your area can help you. You can ask your friends too to help you find the perfect pooch. Good luck and I'm sorry to hear about your first experience.
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Emmy'sMama
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- Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2009 1:30 pm
Lily, I'm very sorry that you have had such a negative experience with the rescue.
I understand, because a couple of years ago, I fostered a puppy, Lily, for my local shelter. She was on death's door with Parvo, and I nurtured her back to health (she flourished under my care). And of course, I fell in love in the process. Anyway, due to some landlord issues, I was not able to commit to adopting Lily at the time. So the shelter sent her up to a rescue organization a couple hours north. Only a couple days after she was sent up, my landlord agreed that I could keep a dog. So I inquired about getting her back. At first, her new foster mother sent me the adoption application, which I promptly filled out. However, after this initial encouragement, I could never get in touch with the rescue again. I called several times, both on the foster mother's home phone and cell phone, leaving messages, but to no avail. I almost got the sense that I was being deliberately ignored. A couple of directors from the local shelter even wrote me a recommendation, and even they received no response.
Anyway, I certainly was very sad about losing Lily. But what really upset me about the whole situation was the rescue's lack of communication. Obviously, they did not want to adopt Lily out to me for whatever reason (maybe they thought I was flaky or, as I suspect, somebody better connected to the organization already had their eye on her), but I wish they had just said up-front, "hey, we're going in another direction." I feel like I deserved that much. Moreover, I had sent a little box with Lily, which included toys and a letter to her future owner, saying that I would love to receive updates from time-to-time. Of course, I never have received updates, and while I assume and hope that she was placed in a wonderful home, I don't know for sure, as I have tried in vain to track her down any further (no pictures or updates on her were ever posted on the rescue website).
Anyway, the rescue world can definitely be frustrating. It often seems fickle and uncommunicative. I'm guessing that in your case, the fostering family was simply better-connected to the rescue than you were, and therefore, ultimately, they had an edge on you in terms of adopting the puppy. Moreover, the rescue may have felt it was easier to just keep the puppy where it is. That said, I think they definitely mishandled the situation.
But don't worry, you will eventually find a puppy that you will love. I now have Emmy whom I absolutely dote on. And I wouldn't give up on the rescue world altogether. There are still so many dogs who are waiting for their forever family. It is a shame that the humans who are in charge of placing them are often difficult to deal with. But maybe it helps to keep in mind that we all share the goal of making dogs' lives better.
I understand, because a couple of years ago, I fostered a puppy, Lily, for my local shelter. She was on death's door with Parvo, and I nurtured her back to health (she flourished under my care). And of course, I fell in love in the process. Anyway, due to some landlord issues, I was not able to commit to adopting Lily at the time. So the shelter sent her up to a rescue organization a couple hours north. Only a couple days after she was sent up, my landlord agreed that I could keep a dog. So I inquired about getting her back. At first, her new foster mother sent me the adoption application, which I promptly filled out. However, after this initial encouragement, I could never get in touch with the rescue again. I called several times, both on the foster mother's home phone and cell phone, leaving messages, but to no avail. I almost got the sense that I was being deliberately ignored. A couple of directors from the local shelter even wrote me a recommendation, and even they received no response.
Anyway, I certainly was very sad about losing Lily. But what really upset me about the whole situation was the rescue's lack of communication. Obviously, they did not want to adopt Lily out to me for whatever reason (maybe they thought I was flaky or, as I suspect, somebody better connected to the organization already had their eye on her), but I wish they had just said up-front, "hey, we're going in another direction." I feel like I deserved that much. Moreover, I had sent a little box with Lily, which included toys and a letter to her future owner, saying that I would love to receive updates from time-to-time. Of course, I never have received updates, and while I assume and hope that she was placed in a wonderful home, I don't know for sure, as I have tried in vain to track her down any further (no pictures or updates on her were ever posted on the rescue website).
Anyway, the rescue world can definitely be frustrating. It often seems fickle and uncommunicative. I'm guessing that in your case, the fostering family was simply better-connected to the rescue than you were, and therefore, ultimately, they had an edge on you in terms of adopting the puppy. Moreover, the rescue may have felt it was easier to just keep the puppy where it is. That said, I think they definitely mishandled the situation.
But don't worry, you will eventually find a puppy that you will love. I now have Emmy whom I absolutely dote on. And I wouldn't give up on the rescue world altogether. There are still so many dogs who are waiting for their forever family. It is a shame that the humans who are in charge of placing them are often difficult to deal with. But maybe it helps to keep in mind that we all share the goal of making dogs' lives better.
Emmy'sMama, I'm sorry to hear about your Lily. Ironically, my puppy was named Lily as well -- I was going to rename her. Maybe the moral of the story is, avoid puppies named Lily?!
Meanwhile, incredibly, they keep writing me and trying to cheapen my connection to the dog! As far as I'm concerned, it's done and dusted -- I gave them my feedback, I suggested ways to improve the process, they know I'm disappointed, and now I have to sit down and get through the pile of work that built up while I was mindblown by this entire disaster. But they're writing me saying "how would you feel if you were the foster family", basically, and then casting the "prospective adopter" role as some chump who just swung by, looked at the dog and has no investment. Like, this is a full-on emotionally loaded email, the equivalent of telling a story where one party is described as "loving, caring, sacrificing, giving, tenderhearted, generous Sarah" and the other party is described as "Bob, a man".
I do not get why they are going to such efforts to pretend that I have no reason to feel gutted, and implying that we should all feel sympathy for a foster family who (in hindsight) were so in love with this little puppy.... but just couldn't face up to that love until it was almost too late. Hand me a tiny violin!
How would I feel if I were the foster family? Well, I'd feel like I'd made a decision as a foster home, involved someone else in the adoption, made that person feel the dog was adoptable. And then if I'd changed my mind, I'd call the shelter and say "if the home turns out to fail your tests, I want to adopt the dog". Because I learned in fourth grade that once you make a decision that affects other people, you stick by that decision if its reversal means causing harm to others. Apparently everyone in grade school does not learn that lesson. It's not like the dog would be approved for an unfit home -- and isn't that what fostering is about? Providing a good home until the final home appears? This is no shock to these people, it's in the papers they signed when they designated themselves as fosters!
I'm just really angry that the shelter's going to lengths to make me sound like a lunatic. Not buying it, shelter! You can't say that it's perfectly acceptable for someone to chat with the foster parents about suitability, meet the dog once, fall in love with it, and adopt it and that's a success story, and then turn around and say "well, YOU only met the dog for an hour, failed adopter! You'll get over it!" and expect that to hold any water.
Meanwhile, incredibly, they keep writing me and trying to cheapen my connection to the dog! As far as I'm concerned, it's done and dusted -- I gave them my feedback, I suggested ways to improve the process, they know I'm disappointed, and now I have to sit down and get through the pile of work that built up while I was mindblown by this entire disaster. But they're writing me saying "how would you feel if you were the foster family", basically, and then casting the "prospective adopter" role as some chump who just swung by, looked at the dog and has no investment. Like, this is a full-on emotionally loaded email, the equivalent of telling a story where one party is described as "loving, caring, sacrificing, giving, tenderhearted, generous Sarah" and the other party is described as "Bob, a man".
I do not get why they are going to such efforts to pretend that I have no reason to feel gutted, and implying that we should all feel sympathy for a foster family who (in hindsight) were so in love with this little puppy.... but just couldn't face up to that love until it was almost too late. Hand me a tiny violin!
How would I feel if I were the foster family? Well, I'd feel like I'd made a decision as a foster home, involved someone else in the adoption, made that person feel the dog was adoptable. And then if I'd changed my mind, I'd call the shelter and say "if the home turns out to fail your tests, I want to adopt the dog". Because I learned in fourth grade that once you make a decision that affects other people, you stick by that decision if its reversal means causing harm to others. Apparently everyone in grade school does not learn that lesson. It's not like the dog would be approved for an unfit home -- and isn't that what fostering is about? Providing a good home until the final home appears? This is no shock to these people, it's in the papers they signed when they designated themselves as fosters!
I'm just really angry that the shelter's going to lengths to make me sound like a lunatic. Not buying it, shelter! You can't say that it's perfectly acceptable for someone to chat with the foster parents about suitability, meet the dog once, fall in love with it, and adopt it and that's a success story, and then turn around and say "well, YOU only met the dog for an hour, failed adopter! You'll get over it!" and expect that to hold any water.
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Emmy'sMama
- Posts: 53
- Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2009 1:30 pm
Yes, the Lily connection is ironic.
Unfortunately, a lot of foster families fall in love with their fosters and often end up adopting. However, it seems that in your case, the fostering family had already decided not to adopt. It seems as though they had ample time to make this decision.
My suggestion would be to respond to the shelter, to tell them in no uncertain terms that you consider the matter final, that you are very disappointed with the whole experience, that you consider your relationship with them to have reached its end, and that you would ask them to please stop contacting you further. At this point, you need to move on and you don't need their continued excuses or insinuations.
Unfortunately, a lot of foster families fall in love with their fosters and often end up adopting. However, it seems that in your case, the fostering family had already decided not to adopt. It seems as though they had ample time to make this decision.
My suggestion would be to respond to the shelter, to tell them in no uncertain terms that you consider the matter final, that you are very disappointed with the whole experience, that you consider your relationship with them to have reached its end, and that you would ask them to please stop contacting you further. At this point, you need to move on and you don't need their continued excuses or insinuations.
Love is the last thing needed with dog rehoming. 
If only the people who run these shelters would realise what really IS important.
Common sense, responsibility, politeness, unselfishness, consideration, pragmatism, people skills, dog skills - love should nothing to do with it in the preliminary stages.
It is hard not to love a dog, so the "love" part will come later. Unfortunately so many think it is the first and only thing that matters - and it isn't.
Lily, you can't change what has happened so it is time to move on. Reliving your hurt is like picking off a scab - you'll not heal until you leave it alone. Life sucks sometimes, and its lessons are invariably more painful than we like.
If only the people who run these shelters would realise what really IS important.Common sense, responsibility, politeness, unselfishness, consideration, pragmatism, people skills, dog skills - love should nothing to do with it in the preliminary stages.
It is hard not to love a dog, so the "love" part will come later. Unfortunately so many think it is the first and only thing that matters - and it isn't.
Lily, you can't change what has happened so it is time to move on. Reliving your hurt is like picking off a scab - you'll not heal until you leave it alone. Life sucks sometimes, and its lessons are invariably more painful than we like.
A dog is never bad or naughty - it is simply being a dog
SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS
SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS
It's the lack of people skills that annoys me most.Nettle wrote:people skills
The last thing a rescue should want to do is alienate potential adopters.
If they can't get to speak to someone they go away. If they do pin someone down that person is rude to them.
Criticise the operation in any way and yopu get "We're very busy" "We're all volunteers" or "It's about the dogs, not keeping people happy".
If they can't cope with the demand for their time, scale down the operation so they can do a good job. Lack of people skills puts off potential helpers too.
Some seem to take pride in their rudeness on the grounds that it's tough if someone is upset. I'm not suggesting that they should say yes to everyone, but common sense is sometimes lacking.
They just don't seem to see that if they treated the rescue as a business that needed good customer relations their turnover would increase to the benefit of all. They survive on goodwill and news of one bad experience will spread much faster than a good one.
Having had my moan, I must make it clear that this by no means applies to all rescues - some are excellent - but the ones that lose adopters this way potentially lose them for all rescues. Bad news spreads so fast and it takes a strong minded person to persist after a knock back.
Pam
I could have written that word for word Pam... and I have tried in the past in a variety of places and got exactly the responses you quote..
This 'its not about people, its about dogs' line really really gets on my wossnames.. because without people... where are the dogs!
Dog training and dog behaviour is about PEOPLE first and foremost.. and rescue cannot possibly be any different - without people, there are no rescue homes.
As you say there are some outstanding rescues out there, and there are great rescues who get caught at the wrong moment ... that happens and no one is expected to be superhuman.
But there are unfortunately too many cases of really STELLAR homes not being handled properly, because rescues dont run things like a business.
This 'its not about people, its about dogs' line really really gets on my wossnames.. because without people... where are the dogs!
Dog training and dog behaviour is about PEOPLE first and foremost.. and rescue cannot possibly be any different - without people, there are no rescue homes.
As you say there are some outstanding rescues out there, and there are great rescues who get caught at the wrong moment ... that happens and no one is expected to be superhuman.
But there are unfortunately too many cases of really STELLAR homes not being handled properly, because rescues dont run things like a business.
Lily, it's probably not going to make you feel any better but I went through similar things twice before getting Rupert. Both were private adoptions rather than a shelter or rescue though, people wanting to rehome their dogs for whatever reason and then deciding at the last minute they actually wanted to keep them. I was gutted at the time.
Looking back, I'm actually kind of glad that the two adoptions fell through for me although I still think about the border collie who I actually knew before being offered him. I wouldn't have Rupert if the owners hadn't changed their minds. I met him at a shelter I went to volunteer at who'd already refused me a dog on the grounds that I didn't have a garden. I guess things were just meant to be because within a few hours of me meeting Rupert he was mine. He isn't what I wanted in a dog at all yet somehow he's perfect for me.
I'm sorry you're going through this but it could be that the dog you're meant to have is right around the corner waiting to take you by surprise.
Looking back, I'm actually kind of glad that the two adoptions fell through for me although I still think about the border collie who I actually knew before being offered him. I wouldn't have Rupert if the owners hadn't changed their minds. I met him at a shelter I went to volunteer at who'd already refused me a dog on the grounds that I didn't have a garden. I guess things were just meant to be because within a few hours of me meeting Rupert he was mine. He isn't what I wanted in a dog at all yet somehow he's perfect for me.
I'm sorry you're going through this but it could be that the dog you're meant to have is right around the corner waiting to take you by surprise.
I have to admit that it hasn't happened to me personally but it has really made me mad when I've spent a lot of effort trying to persuade someone to get a rescue dog and it happens to them.emmabeth wrote:I could have written that word for word Pam... and I have tried in the past in a variety of places and got exactly the responses you quote.
It even happens to people trying to offer help, for goodness sake.
I've avoided it by adopting from rescues where I'm known to someone or, in the case of the two I've adopted via the internet, by first getting a feel for which rescues I'd be likely to get along with from a popular rescue site.
There are some rescues on there I would never try (not because I wouldn't tick all the boxes because I probably would) and others who seem to be pretty reasonable.
My heart is with reasuing dogs above all and it makes me mad to see some rescues shooting themselves in the foot time and time again. They might just as well be shooting the dogs.
Pam
Yeah, I'm generally all right now. It was the combination of the drawn-out deliberation and then the weird follow-up emails that kind of made it impossible to get past. Well, and I knew I wasn't getting the dog as soon as they said they'd made their decision and was never fighting that point -- but then when you tell someone that they should change their system a bit to prevent this sort of situation in future, and they balk, it's irritating.Lily, you can't change what has happened so it is time to move on.
But now I've gotten the final email from them, which amounts to "well, you just don't know what it's like, obviously". Shrug. Whatever. In the bin.
I sort of suspect that these people are so used to being considered do-gooders that when something goes wrong, they lose it a bit. Like, they can't acknowledge that it's possible that things they do aren't good 100% of the time. The reaction I got seemed outsized for the truly minor suggestion I made -- hackles raised, protective defense of their operation, despite there clearly being a pretty major flaw.
I'm sure at some point in future I'll get a dog and will be elated and this will all be a blip; it's just hard to get perspective while you're in the thick of it, and while the shelter is doing their damnedest to imply you're a loon. So thanks for keeping me on an even keel, and affirming that this is NOT normal or acceptable (though it does sometimes happen).
Lily, I once got turned down as a home for some rescued ex-battery chickens! The reason given was that the garden was not big enough (these guys had been three to a tiny cage) and I hadn't any perches (seven trees not good enough?).
I now have five very happy fowl skipping about in this too-small garden (90' long and about 25' wide) plus four dogs. I bought two of the chooks and three were given to me.
But I'm not good enough for ex-battery fowl. Oh dear me no.
The reason given was that the garden was not big enough (these guys had been three to a tiny cage) and I hadn't any perches (seven trees not good enough?).I now have five very happy fowl skipping about in this too-small garden (90' long and about 25' wide) plus four dogs. I bought two of the chooks and three were given to me.
But I'm not good enough for ex-battery fowl. Oh dear me no.
A dog is never bad or naughty - it is simply being a dog
SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS
SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS
I'm sure you're right. You describe a very common OTT reaction to criticism.Lily wrote:I sort of suspect that these people are so used to being considered do-gooders that when something goes wrong, they lose it a bit. Like, they can't acknowledge that it's possible that things they do aren't good 100% of the time. The reaction I got seemed outsized for the truly minor suggestion I made -- hackles raised, protective defense of their operation, despite there clearly being a pretty major flaw.
But be assured that there are a lot of rescuers who live in the real world too - you just have to find them.
Pam
Nettle, it's kind of ridiculous isn't it?
I understand that rescues ans shelters have to think of what's best for the animals but I think some need to go back and take a look at their policies. And teach their staff how to deal with people. I know an elderly gentleman who was turned down for adopting from several shelters because of his age. Now I could understand turning him down for a young pup but he was actually looking for a senior dog. He said one shelter worker he spoke to actually explained to him that because he was old and might die soon it would be unfair to adopt an animal out to him
I don't like the blanket policies. Just because someone is old or doesn't have a garden or has a child doesn't mean they can't give an animal a perfectly good home. Same with having an intact animal already in the house. What difference does it make? The shelter dog will be spayed/neutered anyway so can't be bred.
I understand that rescues ans shelters have to think of what's best for the animals but I think some need to go back and take a look at their policies. And teach their staff how to deal with people. I know an elderly gentleman who was turned down for adopting from several shelters because of his age. Now I could understand turning him down for a young pup but he was actually looking for a senior dog. He said one shelter worker he spoke to actually explained to him that because he was old and might die soon it would be unfair to adopt an animal out to him
I don't like the blanket policies. Just because someone is old or doesn't have a garden or has a child doesn't mean they can't give an animal a perfectly good home. Same with having an intact animal already in the house. What difference does it make? The shelter dog will be spayed/neutered anyway so can't be bred.
