Goodbye

[Mattie]

After just reading a pm from maryhelen329, her intention was good but a pity that she once again kept telling me just what a bad person I am, tried to be the champion of all posters I have made personal attacks on etc.

In her thread she brought up that I tell people that it is illegal to leave a dog without water in the UK, this was not posted in her thread, I knew she was in the USA so didn't post it yet she contantly refered to it.

Again she kept telling me about what a bad person I am etc etc etc.

I am not staying around to take this crap off her, I was hoping I could help others but according to her I am not helping others so no point in staying around.

What she and nobody else knows is I am under a great deal of stress, I am downsizing to a much smaller house so lots of sorting and precious items have got to go. I am also disabled and often in a lot of pain but I never use this as an excuse. I do take the trouble not to make an attack on others but try to put information clearly so it can't be understood, for that it seems I am wrong, it would be better if I pussyfooted and run the risk of information not being taken in or being misunderstood. I was here for the dogs and not the ego of the owner, if I have to be here for the ego of the owner as maryhelen keeps telling me, then I am moving on. To me the dog comes first, they have to take what the owner gives out.

Getting information across can be very difficult especially when people are from different countries.

I made a lot of friends on here, some have my email address, if they want to stay in touch I will be happy to.

I have also learnt a lot on here which my dogs are very thankful for so thank you Emmabeth, Nettle and the others whose information has helped, hopefully I am a much better owner now.

Goodbye.

[Leigha]

Aww, Mattie please don't go!!

[emmabeth]

Oh Mattie....

I want to say please dont go... because you know none of us want you to leave...

But if that is your decision I wont bully you to stay - but ask you to take some time, have a think and know that you are welcome back here whenever... however long it is..

I would NOT have been able to keep on top of things without you (And several other folks and we all know who they are so thanks to them as well) but you have been a key part of this forum and in making sure everyone who posts gets some constructive advice for several years now.

It would be a shame to let someone ruin that - but I do understand that it IS hard when your motives and manner and self are questioned and picked at.

I do hope you will be back.... and you have my email address anyway if you are not! So do stay in touch!!!!!

[Nettle]

I hope that you feel able to stay as well, Mattie, but I respect your wishes too. I think you are one of the cornerstones of the Board and you have such valuable information to share.

I also appreciate you are under a lot of stress, and can only guess at the pain as well. The difficulties of communication in this medium often lead to sensitivities and misunderstanding, and as another straight talker (in real life too - I'm not Nettle for nothing! ) I have had my fair share of ruffled feathers where I have had no intention to ruffle. Oh if people had ANY idea of what I would really have liked to have put sometimes




Please do keep in touch, and if you do decide to stay with the Board, I for one would be delighted.

[Noobs]

Mattie,

Murphy and I would not be half the dog-owner team we are without you (and some of the others here). We are still a work in progress but have made MILES of improvement due to your patience and advice and, let's just say it, your brutal honesty. I wouldn't tolerate harassment myself, so I don't blame you for leaving. Hopefully you'll come back though, because as I've personally seen over the 1.5 years I've been reading this board and several months I've been contributing, the dog owners who put their dog's welfare over their own ego and their quest to be "right" don't hang around that long anyway.

So hope to see you on the board again. If not I'll be in touch via email.

[Fundog]

Well, bummer that, Mattie. And while I can understand the other point of view, I also understand what it is like to be castigated as often as you are, and it isn't pleasant. It certainly is a feeling that would make one want to leave. I know that you have not really intended to offend anyone, inspite of evidently having done so (hey, nobody's perfect!). I am yet another one who has benefited greatly from your encouraging words, and I thank you. Best of luck, Mattie, you will be missed around here, perhaps even by more than you have unintentionally run off.

[Beetlejuice]

Mattie, i'm new on this forum and of course, i don't know you, but i like your Tinkerbell fairy , so stay here lol !

More seriousely, i'm administrator on an motorbyke forum and we already had this kind of problem ...
I think it must be possible to blacklist some user for PM, so blacklist her !
Ignore her and maryhelen329, if you read this, do the same thing . If one of you two is a bad person, be sure that the members will see it and ignore him/her .

I understand that it's hard sometime, but you seem to be important here and so lot of members are glad to have your advice . The one who don't like them can try to find a better forum, and if these advices are bad, i'm sure some other members will quickly say it !

If i've well understood the philosophy of this forum, it's " help and learn " it's a knowledge share place and nobody can know all about all .

Wow ! i'm very talkative for a newbie lol !!

As i heard in " Grey's anatomy " : to the thing that make you sleep the better

One time again, i hope my english isn't to bad !

[Wes]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, Mattie. I do hope you decide to stay, though it's your decision; you've been a wonderful help to not only myself and Rosie, but so many other dogs and owners as well. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Best of luck to you, and I hope to see you on the boards again sometime!

[mum24dog]

After just reading a pm from maryhelen329, her intention was good but a pity that she once again kept telling me just what a bad person I am, tried to be the champion of all posters I have made personal attacks on etc.

I hate pms. If you can't say something in public - don't say it at all.

In her thread she brought up that I tell people that it is illegal to leave a dog without water in the UK

Actually that was Emmabeth, not you.

Again she kept telling me about what a bad person I am etc etc etc.

From what she's posted in public I don't think that's what she's done. I think she's only "guilty" of a failure to understand why you and a couple of other posters on here shoot from the hip at times. She really doesn't understand that we and the people we are used to talking to are thicker skinned than she seems to think her fellow countrymen are.
"Politeness" is empty if it is just for the sake of convention.
I agree with her that some people do take umbrage when told something straight, but that doesn't mean that I think we should pussyfoot around for the sake of not offending someone's fragile ego.
It ought to be possible for all parties to a discussion to remain adult and detached - it's only the internet, after all. What does it matter what anyone thinks of anyone else personally? We can just switch off and go back to real life.

I'm guessing she hasn't seen the UK series of IMOTD, otherwise she'd see that Victoria is a lot more blunt in those than in the US version.

I am not staying around to take this crap off her, I was hoping I could help others but according to her I am not helping others so no point in staying around.

You know that's not true. If you weren't so burdened with personal problems at present you'd see that one person's opinion shouldn't be allowed to negate all the good you've done and can still do when you feel more up to it.

I'm sure most of us can identify with this from Nettle -
"Oh if people had ANY idea of what I would really have liked to have put sometimes".
Even the "rude" replies are sometimes the sanitised version.

We all get to breaking point at times and this seems to be yours. (Of course I don't know you, but that's how it seems.)
Maybe it's a good thing. Concentrate on what's important in your own life for a change and forget about other peoples' problems.
When things are more settled please come back and the regulars will welcome you with open arms, I'm sure.

Pam

[mselisabs]

Really? One person is going to make you leave a forum you obviously enjoy?
C'mon now!

[Horace's Mum]

Mattie, you don't need to leave, but I do understand how you are feeling just now. Remember all those people who come and go, the people who make you feel bad are all the ones who go, because the rest of us stay to listen for more advice. I myself owe you an awful lot, not just for your own advice, but for putting me in touch with Patch who has been incredible. I don't know that I could have carried on without that contact, so thank you.

When you have a breathing space, I hope you will realise that it is those of us who stay who are important, because we are listening and learning from each other every day. In your heart of hearts you know you are doing good, and that is why you have carried on so long. The idiots who don't understand what we are all trying to achieve are not worth the space they write on.

I have to say there are many many posts I never reply to because I am so mad and frustrated with the OP that I don't trust myself to put words to the screen. You never have that problem, yes you may come across quite blunt at times, but when people have ignored all the softly softly suggestions sometimes they just need telling. If they can't take it and see that it is because you care so much about their animals then that is their problem, not yours. Somebody has to tell them. Good on you for being that person, its not an easy job but you do it well.

I do hope you rethink this in a little while when people have moved on again, but I thank you from the bottom of my heart if you decide you can't. And you will be sorely sorely missed.

[wvvdiup1]

Mattie,

First of all, you're not a bad person! I can't add much to what others have said so far in their posts on this forum because they're right: you have helped many of us on these forums and you are what I consider, too, a cornerstone of these forums. Your inputs, that is, your help, is invaluable! Mattie, you're an inspiration to many of us who use these forums, and I also say please don't go! Just take as much time as you need to recuperate and get yourself settled into your new home.

As many of us have said, members come and go. Pay no mind to idiots like Maryhelen 329; you've done it before. Mattie, I know from our private convesations you're a strong woman and I know you wouldn't take crap from anyone, so don't let this bother you! You have many friends here who care for and about you, and we will miss you, especially on these forums!

On behalf of the many others, we hope to hear again from you soon!

wvvdiup1

[forkin14]

First of all, I think it is ridiculous that people feel the need to start little fights on the internet. Often, things are misunderstood since it IS the Internet and you never know someone's tone, and you don't know the person personally to know how they speak/act.

I'm not sure of what has been accused against you, but from things you've posted on topics I have posted, I thought you were friendly and VERY helpful! A great majority of the people on here are very helpful and I don't know what I would have done if I never came across this site! I don't see why/how someone would want to be a bully on a website that is supposed to help people.

I live in the U.S and we're all pretty rude here (lol) and when I've posted things on U.S forums, I get some pretty rude things said back to me, but I just brush it off since I don't care what a person like that has to say. Here, everyone is nice and is willing to help.

So, please don't leave just because someone feels the need to be "tough" on the internet! You've helped a lot of people on this forum, don't let one person ruin you doing something nice for others!

[katowaggytail]

Mattie,
you know I look in every now and again as I think me and the ginger one are over the worst.
You, Emm, Nettle, you all give sound advice, proper advice. When I scan through I look for your name on a thread because it will be of use and is interesting. I'm sorry you feel this way and completely understand. It is a great pity and a great loss to this forum.

Fi x

[maryhelen329]

Mattie, you know that my intentions were never to have you leave the forum. All of your advice, to me and to others, has been amazingly helpful. I don't think that you're a bad person and I haven't said anything to make you think that. I hope that you won't let one clash between us bring to an end everything that you have done on this forum. I tried to make things right with you in the pm, but I can see that you are going through a stressful time right now. I hope that everything works out for the best for you and I also hope that you come back to this forum soon. I will not say "we" because clearly I'm not welcome here, but I will miss seeing your advice on these forums. Straightforwardness is in no way a bad thing, I'm just not used to it and it took me by surprise when I saw some of your posts. I don't want you to change your way of speaking and I don't think that it is a wrong way of speaking.

To everyone who is so against me: I am not an idiot and I don't plan on going anywhere. I am not a bully, I'm probably the farthest thing from it.
I only did a pm to Mattie because I didn't think that anybody wanted the forum getting clouded up with it.
I hope that you don't base your opinion of me on this miscommunication.

Mum24dog: "I think she's only "guilty" of a failure to understand why you and a couple of other posters on here shoot from the hip at times. She really doesn't understand that we and the people we are used to talking to are thicker skinned than she seems to think her fellow countrymen are."
I don't think this of my country, I was only referencing my family. But other than the last part, everything you have said was right on. I didn't understand. When you explained this to me on the previous forum, I understood and was thankful that you helped me understand. I thought that point in the conversation on the other forum would end it and set things straight. But there was another miscommunication (damn you internet!!) and my words were misconstrued as an insult.
Mattie, none of my words were meant to insult you. Though I do admit I got a little frustrated on my last pm to you and said some things that weren't very considerate. I apologize for that.

I hope that after some time, after you have sorted out the things you're going through, you will consider coming back to this forum. Once again, I think everything you've said has been helpful and greatly appreciated.