New rescue, and grieving Mr. Fundog's Death

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Fundog
Posts: 3874
Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2008 8:31 am
Location: A little gambling town in the high desert

New rescue, and grieving Mr. Fundog's Death

Post by Fundog » Fri May 17, 2019 10:59 am

Hi Everyone. First, the happy news: On February 21 we welcomed a young (no more than a year old, if that) German Shorthaired Pointer female into our home after mourning Dottie's passing in December. She was found running loose in the city and taken to the animal shelter. She only spent ten days there. She seems to be fairly well adjusted, and is smart and sweet and playful. She does have some behavior issues that I will address in a different post later. Oh, we named her Zoey.

The sad news: On May 6, Mr. Fundog had a heart attack and died very suddenly. I, of course, an grieving. He was only 57 years old. Well, understandably, this has upset Zoey's routine, and she has been acting out. She hasn't even been with us for a full three months to start with! We've spent nights at a friend's house, I've had my sister visiting, I cried a lot at first, etc. And of course, Mr. Fundog never came home.
Yesterday I had to drive two hours (each way) to the nearest funeral home in my state to pick up my husband's cremains. There were four levels of containment: A tied plastic bag inside a snap deal plastic box inside a sealed cardboard box inside a cloth bag. I had to go into the store. It was raining, and not hot, so I had no worries about leaving Zoey in the truck/SUV. When I returned I discovered Zoey had chewed through all four levels of containment and spilled my husband's ashes in the vehicle. I was LIVID. I was ready to get rid of her right then, and of course, she could not understand why I was so angry.

The odd thing is, she has never gotten into trouble or been destructive when left alone in the truck before. She is in our house, however, which is why I took her with me. By the way, I love in a 26' travel trailer now. That's also another story.

I am calmer this morning, and willing to forgive Zoey, though I am still very upset. I still have a mess to clean up. I wish I had been thinking last week: I threw away the last items of clothing Mr. Fundog wore the day he died. If I had been smart, I should have kept those for Zoey. Maybe it would help her settle. She was supposed to be HIS dog, his walking buddy, his emotional support companion. They bonded. And now he's gone.

Anyway, I do have a crate and she will stay in it when we go places from now on. She'll probably chew her way out of it. She's a chewer, big time.

Thanks for letting me vent. I am struggling not to resent this dog.
If an opportunity comes to you in life, say yes first, even if you don't know how to do it.

jacksdad
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Joined: Thu Dec 10, 2009 10:48 pm

Re: New rescue, and grieving Mr. Fundog's Death

Post by jacksdad » Fri May 17, 2019 2:49 pm

Fundog, while it is nice to have you check in, I wish it was for much happier reasons. I am very sorry to hear of Mr. Fundog. very sorry.

Sounds like it has been a hard year for you, I am glad you felt you could come here and talk about it.

Hang in there, feel free to chat away at us, and don't be a stranger.

Ari_RR
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Re: New rescue, and grieving Mr. Fundog's Death

Post by Ari_RR » Fri May 17, 2019 5:47 pm

Very sorry. Time is the best healer, but it works slowly.
Hang in there, and come talk to us.
Ari, Rhodesian Ridgeback, Sept 2010 - Dec 2018.
Miles, Rhodesian Ridgeback, b. Nov 2018

JudyN
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Re: New rescue, and grieving Mr. Fundog's Death

Post by JudyN » Sat May 18, 2019 1:55 am

I'm so very sorry, Fundog - this must be an extremely hard time for you.
Jasper, lurcher, born December 2009

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Nettle
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Re: New rescue, and grieving Mr. Fundog's Death

Post by Nettle » Sat May 18, 2019 2:13 am

Fundog, this is so sad, and I wish you strength. We are all here for you any time.
A dog is never bad or naughty - it is simply being a dog

SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS

Fundog
Posts: 3874
Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2008 8:31 am
Location: A little gambling town in the high desert

Re: New rescue, and grieving Mr. Fundog's Death

Post by Fundog » Tue May 21, 2019 11:50 am

Hi Everyone,

Well I dont want to clog up the forum with a new topic every time I want to come here to talk (translstion, rant about my husband's dog), so I'll just keep the rants here.

It's been a difficult week, well the whole month has been pretty hard. I'm really struggling with Zoey. She can't be left unsupervised for even a few minutes without getting into trouble. She chewed a hole in her soft crate in my vehicle, enabling herself to escape, she also chewed up the bed in the crate. I've since ordered her a new, metal bars crate -- more like a cage. I'm pretty sure she could chew through an airline crate. It's supposed to arrive Thursday. Meanwhile, I can't go back to work until that crate arrives.

I must admit, I've been unfair to Zoey, yelling at her and being unnecessarily rough with her leash. She doesn't understand why I'm upset, I know this. And yet she is still willing to trust me, still willing to curl up next to me.

She was supposed to be HIS dog. We got her FOR HIM. If he had died before we got her, I don't think I would have gotten a dog. All this makes me wonder if perhaps I've got it all wrong, and Zoey was in fact sent TO ME, to comfort me and teach me. In which case I need to shift my mindset and keep trying to make things work with Zoey. I know Mr. Fundog would be heartbroken to hear me talking about getting rid of her. In a way, she is my last gift from him. She was our Valentine/Anniversary gift to each other.

As for teaching me, it has occurred to me that Zoey's first job is to force me to take this time to slow down and grieve, instead of rushing back to work. Unfortunately, it's been difficult to ponder my feelings when I'm being dragged out on a walk several times a day!

Just writing all of this out has been very helpful, and puts things into perspective. I will wait for Zoey's crate and keep trying. And I will seek help with training on a different post later.
If an opportunity comes to you in life, say yes first, even if you don't know how to do it.

JudyN
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Re: New rescue, and grieving Mr. Fundog's Death

Post by JudyN » Wed May 22, 2019 1:48 am

It's still very early days. Be gentle with yourself. You know that none of this is Zoey's fault but it's very difficult not to direct your feelings at her. Do please keep writing... even if you decide not to post what you write, I'm sure it will help.
Jasper, lurcher, born December 2009

jacksdad
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Joined: Thu Dec 10, 2009 10:48 pm

Re: New rescue, and grieving Mr. Fundog's Death

Post by jacksdad » Wed May 22, 2019 8:01 pm

Fundog,

Having seen your posts over the years, I suspect you would give the following advice (or something close to it) were you not the one going through the rough patch right now.

1. it's not wrong to have the thoughts and feelings you are. It is all part of the process. don't read into them too much.
2. do not make rash/snap/impulsive decisions right now based on fleeting thoughts and feelings.
3. sometimes life forces you to put your grief in a box and set it aside BRIEFLY and this is ok.... provided it is only temporarily. still make time for your self and to grieve. Also, it is ok to distract your self from time to time in order to take a break from grieving....provided it is not running away.
4. there is no time limit on grief. As long as your functioning, most likely nothing to worry about if it "feels" like it is taking "long" to "move on". what's the rush? again...provided your are not spiraling downward let it take the time it takes.
5. dog making you get out and walk...probably a good thing. go places where you can be on auto pilot if necessary vs a busy park.
6. don't forget to get sleep.

Hang in there.

Fundog
Posts: 3874
Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2008 8:31 am
Location: A little gambling town in the high desert

Re: New rescue, and grieving Mr. Fundog's Death

Post by Fundog » Thu May 23, 2019 10:24 pm

We had a good day today, and yesterday too. It's amazing what a difference a crate makes! I'm so much more relaxed knowing Zoey has a safe space I can put her, where she can't get into trouble when I need to be out of sight of her. And it's nice to be able to praise her for being good!

School will be out soon, and I will have the summer to really bond with Zoey, and work on training, so she may be better behaved (and safer) by the time school starts back up again.
If an opportunity comes to you in life, say yes first, even if you don't know how to do it.

JudyN
Posts: 6990
Joined: Tue Jul 26, 2011 1:20 pm
Location: Dorset, UK
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Re: New rescue, and grieving Mr. Fundog's Death

Post by JudyN » Fri May 24, 2019 4:30 am

I'm glad you sound more positive today :D Of course, you'll have bad days to come, both in terms of dealing with your grief and bonding with/training Zoey - no doubt it will be a rocky road. But remember there will always be people to support you and hold your hand, both online and in real life xx
Jasper, lurcher, born December 2009

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