Losing your best friend

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Ocelot0411
Posts:593
Joined:Thu May 24, 2007 7:30 am
Losing your best friend

Post by Ocelot0411 » Mon Aug 15, 2016 4:34 pm

I hope this isn't inappropriate, as after all losing our dogs is a big part of the story of dog ownership, but I don't want to upset anyone.

Anyway here goes. I lost my girl last Thursday after nine and a half wonderful years together. She truly was my best friend and I can't imagine life without her especially as this leaves me completely alone.

Also I have never really experienced grief before and I am shocked at how bad I feel. So what I wanted to know is, for those of you who have owned dogs all of your life and have therefore been through this probably on several occasions, how do I get through this / make it better? Or is that a really stupid question?

Oh and my circumstances are such now that getting another dog any time soon is not an option nor does it feel like the right thing either.

Thanks

Ocelot

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Nettle
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Re: Losing your best friend

Post by Nettle » Tue Aug 16, 2016 3:08 am

Getting another dog is only good for some people in any case - the rest of us need to mourn.

It isn't wrong, it hurts like hell every time, for every dog or other animal. You need to allow it. It takes time to feel generally better and even then sometimes the grief sneaks up on you and sandbags you. Few people understand and some can say really crass hurtful things. Forgive them sometime, but it isn't wrong to own your hurt and tell them they have upset you.

It DOES get easier. But it takes a very long time.


Then we remember all the good times - and nobody can take those away from us. It is so very sad that we outlive them, but it would be far worse if it were the other way around. Nine and a half wonderful years together will always be yours.
A dog is never bad or naughty - it is simply being a dog

SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS

Suzette
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Re: Losing your best friend

Post by Suzette » Tue Aug 16, 2016 7:28 am

I am so sorry for you loss! I have know the emptiness and the heartache too many times myself (the only downside to being an animal lover I guess). There were times, with some of my animals, when I thought I would never stop mourning, but I did. And it got better. And now I can look back on them with far, far more joy than heartache. But I promise you this, it will get better!

If you cannot have another pet anytime soon, perhaps you could volunteer at a shelter. You will be there for the dogs, but you will receive so much more in return. And giving back always heals the heart just a little bit quicker.
My avatar is Piper, my sweet Pembroke Corgi. b. 5/11/11

Ocelot0411
Posts:593
Joined:Thu May 24, 2007 7:30 am

Re: Losing your best friend

Post by Ocelot0411 » Tue Aug 16, 2016 2:26 pm

Thank you both for your kind and wise words.

Nettle - you are spot on. I don't want 'another dog' I want her and I can't have her because she's gone. It would be unfair to get another dog so quickly as they wouldn't replace what I had with her and therefore through no fault of their own, they would fall short. Maybe one day I will be ready, and I am sure I will, but I need to grieve her and only get another dog when the time is right and they are not facing an impossible comparison.

On the good side, people have been amazing. My work colleagues especially, granted most of them dog lovers and a couple have lost theirs very recently too, but even the none doggie folk have been hugely supportive and I don't think one person has treated me any differently than if a human family member had passed, so I am lucky there.

Suzette - again thank you. The shelter thing is a great and lovely idea so I have signed up for a few (screening to be done etc) but need to make sure a few weeks go by or I will have a moment of weakness and just fill the car!

Oh yes final thing but I have bought a beautiful piece of cremation jewellry, so she will finally be where she always wanted to be which is hung around my neck 24/7!!

Erica
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Location:North Carolina

Re: Losing your best friend

Post by Erica » Tue Aug 16, 2016 2:40 pm

Having some physical thing, whether small or large, can be helpful. Our Onyx was buried in the azalea bed out front, and we put a large (larger than a cat) piece of quartz as a kind of gravestone. It's still out there, years later, and it's still nice to see and remember him by. The jewelry is a great idea :)
Delta, standard poodle, born 6/30/14

Ocelot0411
Posts:593
Joined:Thu May 24, 2007 7:30 am

Re: Losing your best friend

Post by Ocelot0411 » Tue Aug 16, 2016 4:56 pm

Thanks Erica

And that's lovely. If I were settled homewise I might do the same, but I am a little more transient and therefore the jewellry appeals as no matter where I go or end up, she's with me.

Nonetheless the practicalities are precisely that and the sentiment the same.

I have to say that it is a massive help to be on here with people who see their dogs in the same way as I do, so thanks again all.

D xx

emmabeth
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Re: Losing your best friend

Post by emmabeth » Tue Aug 16, 2016 5:10 pm

You just keep plodding on - I still feel like ive got a huge wound somewhere no one can see, a really traumatic injury - its been a year, but I would go to some pretty awful length to have just a few more minutes with him (just writing this makes me cry).

I'd love to say it gets better - I don't think it does, you just learn how to live with it better. It took me a good few months to do anything other than sit about crying really and even when I wasn't crying I was buggerall use!

Do whatever makes you feel, not good exactly but.. what ever feels right to you.
West Midlands based 1-2-1 Training & Behaviour Canine Consultant

Ocelot0411
Posts:593
Joined:Thu May 24, 2007 7:30 am

Re: Losing your best friend

Post by Ocelot0411 » Tue Aug 16, 2016 7:32 pm

Bless you for an honest response.

I'll miss her with every breath.

Xx

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