Moving house... part time dog?

[ScarletSci]

Hello all, this is rather personal and I tend to waffle, so please bear with me.

Since I had a breakdown and was hospitalised three years ago, I've been in supported housing, on the bidding/waiting list for a council flat. Pixie has been living with my folks and their dog, Jack. I spend the odd week or so there, then come back to my place, where I'm not allowed to have pets. Since it's been three years with no joy in finding somewhere, I've been preparing to move into my parents house. Not ideal, since it's a small room and a house with four adults, but I'm currently caught in the benefits trap, where if I return to work, then rent in supported living is £400 per week - far more than I'd be earning. But, I'd get to be with Pixie full time. So I've just decorated their spare room, sold some furniture of mine, and on Wednesday a friend helped me move a load of my stuff to their house.

On Thursday, I was offered a council place.

I get to see it this Thursday, and decide then. It sounds good, very very reasonable rent for my city (Bristol), however, it's in a deprived area right on the outskirts of the city, and a very long way away from my folks. I won't be in a position to afford a car any time soon, so relying on public transport. It's a first floor place with my own garden (I'm not sure how that works, but I can update after Thursday). My hope was to find somewhere not too far from my folks house, for two reasons. 1. They are getting on and my mum is disabled; it's helpful if I can nip in to help them out with things, especially since they're caring for three of my animals and that's added to their workload. and 2. I'd hoped to return to work now that I'd have an affordable rent, then drop Pixie off at theirs for doggy daycare while I'm at work. She's used to always having someone around, or at least Jack around while they nip out shopping etc. My line of work tends to involve 14 hour shifts and the odd sleep in duty, so no way would I leave her for that long either. I'm not confident about leaving her alone for a shorter shift even, we'd have to build up to being left for a few hours.

But being this far out, we're looking at a two hour bus ride to take her from the new place to my folks, let alone picking her up again, and this just isn't workable as something to do before a shift.

However, if I find night shift work, that might be much more reasonable to leave her with folks for a few nights, then have her with me for a few days at a time. Or, if on dayshifts, Pixie stay with folks for the weekdays I'm working, and come stay with me on my days off? But is that unfair to Pixie to ask her to go back and forth and essentially live at two different places? I don't want to be selfish about this.

Another alternative is for Pixie to remain with my folks full time, and for me to go and stay with them on my days off. This is way more simple, and means I could help them out with things when I'm off of work. However, I don't want to run myself into the ground again when trying to take on too much at once contributed to my breakdown.

I realise their are a lot of unknown variables about this, since I haven't even found work yet. I just wondered what you guys think? Anyone have to do something like this themselves before?

Just extra info that might be relevant - Pixie has always lived at my folks house since she was 8 weeks old, she gets along great with everybody, but I'm her favourite person in the world and the one she's most likely to listen to. Both dogs have adjusted very well to me coming and coming for days or weeks at a time. They go mad with excitement and are glued to me when I get there, then calm down a bit, although Pixie will nearly always choose to hang out with me. Pixie and Jack get along well for the most part, but do compete with each other (with Pixie winning usually) and aren't pair-bonded in that way that some dogs are that shouldn't be separated. We think they'd both be fine without living together all the time.

I think if any dog could cope with the confusion of "sometimes you live here with me, sometimes you stay at mum and dads", it would be Pixie. She's very even tempered and adjusts well to most things. The fact she copes well with me coming and going without showing separation anxiety or anything like that gives me hope it could work. But I figured it was worth starting a thread to explain the circumstances, get some feedback, and keep people updated as this goes on.

[JudyN]

Pixie sounds very adaptable - in this situation I think you need to put yourself first, over her needs and over your parents' needs. By looking after yourself, you'll be better able to care for her and your parents. It sounds to me that the best solution would be for you to live in the council flat and stay with your parents on your days off - but maybe, say, every fortnight than every week.

When I left home my Yorkie stayed behind. Like Pixie, she was thrilled to see me, but was quite happy the rest of the time.

FWIW, I lived in Montpelier in Bristol for a year when at uni, and felt safe there - the locals were friendly (bordering on over-friendly), the streets were well lit, and there were ladies under every street lamp.... That was back in 1980 though, things have probably changed a bit

[Nettle]

I agree 100% with Judy.

[ScarletSci]

But selfishly... I miss her so much. I want her living with me.

I lived in Montpelier for about a year when I first came out of hospital, it's still about the same! I lived in Easton for five years before, which has a terrible reputation, and isn't the prettiest area by any means. But I never had any trouble there either. My hesitation with this area is just how far away it is from everything and from everyone I know. I'm already prone to withdrawal/isolation and agoraphobia, I'm worried being stuck so far out will make that worse.

Pixie helps with those things. I don't have such a hard time going out when it's to take Pixie out.

[JudyN]

That's difficult - there's pros and cons to both scenarios. Maybe you need to list them all and see if one option has more pros than cons (or the cons are minor).

A few things to consider:

- What are your job prospects in either place - how easy would it be to find work, and how well paid would it be?
- When you get a job, are you likely to end up in a position (maybe a couple of years down the line) where you can afford your own flat?
- If you turn down this flat (maybe giving your mental health as a reason, or your parents' health), does it mean you'd go to the back of the queue or be removed from the list altogether? Or will they offer something else if it becomes available in a suitable location?
- How would living with your parents affect your mental health?
- Is there one option you feel more comfortable with at the moment? Sometimes we need to follow our gut feeling. I wonder if you feel you ought to take the council flat because you've been on the list so long, even if you know it wouldn't work for you.

Good luck, whatever you decide

[master2]

Hi

I thought I should put my thought on the council housing. I agree with JudyN don't feel you have to take this proberty. I made the mistake 3yrs ago to take a flat that I saw because I was scared if I said no that the council might not give me another and I regretted it. I took the flat and when I moved in everything seemed OK until about 3 weeks after I moved in I was seeing dog fights happen outside the local shop on a daily basis as lads with track suits were always here with there bull breed dogs. I always felt so sorry for the dogs. Then police were always here every other night. My neighbour had really aggressive staffies that would lunge at you and show teeth , there was always shouting arguing , fights, and loud music. I went back on the council bidding system when my 12 months contract was up , as most councils require you to live there for 12 months before you leave. It took me 3 yrs to get out of that hel hole. No I am in a lovely area and am in a nice 1 bedroom house. By the way this is in Macclesfield , Cheshire. Be very careful and don't feel pressured by the council as they kept telling me what a lovely area it was , which was a lie. I also had young lads kicking a football at my window every night. I wish I said no back then but thank goodness I got out of there.

[ScarletSci]

I have a lot to think about....!

I'm hoping I'll have a better idea of what to do once I've seen the place on Thursday, and had a chance to look around the area a bit. If I turn this one down, I do get bumped down the urgency list. They don't let you be fussy any more. You used to be allowed three refusals before they'd do that, but with the pressure on our dwindling numbers of social housing places, they've tightened the rules a lot. I won't have a lot of time to decide though, after the viewing on Thursday, they want me to sign on Friday.

My gut says to take it. But the potential for isolation is a big factor. The very cheap rent because it's a council place and in a rougher area is also a big consideration to though. My work is support/care work, so not doing that kind of work for the money! And house prices on the private market in my city are insane now, catching up with London. Even renting a room in a shared house can be £500-£600 pm. This one bed flat would be £323 pm.

[JudyN]

Are there any other ways you can avoid isolation? According to one site (almost definitely with a lot of positive spin) 'It has a bohemian aspect and is home to many creative people, looking for affordable housing and a sense of community. There are plenty of bands, political and pressure groups, housing and workers' co-operatives and some anarchist communes too. It also has three mosques, a synagogue, a Sikh temple and several churches of different denominations.'

I suppose worst-case scenario is that it doesn't work out, you're not happy there, and you can move back in with your parents then.

[ScarletSci]

Aaaww, bless you Judy, you even looked it up for me! Love ya.

You're right, I definitely need to look for the positives. For one thing, since it's right on the outskirts, there's some beautiful countryside right there that Pixie and I would love. I think I'm just a bit nervous about it all, and disappointed about the idea of not having Pixie with me as much as I'd like... however, I think she'd love staying with me for the odd two or three days and going on countryside walks, then be fine with going back to my folks for a while. It would just be the new normal, a slight variation on me staying at theirs, and I can stay at theirs sometimes too. Countryside will do me good

I'll know more the day after tomorrow! Will update then. Will try to take some photos too. Thanks so much for the support and understanding guys.

[ScarletSci]

Are there any other ways you can avoid isolation? According to one site (almost definitely with a lot of positive spin) 'It has a bohemian aspect and is home to many creative people, looking for affordable housing and a sense of community. There are plenty of bands, political and pressure groups, housing and workers' co-operatives and some anarchist communes too. It also has three mosques, a synagogue, a Sikh temple and several churches of different denominations.'

I suppose worst-case scenario is that it doesn't work out, you're not happy there, and you can move back in with your parents then.

I've just realised I didn't even tell you the area! The flat I'm being offered is in Withywood, not Montpelier. That's just where I lived when I first came out of hospital.

[master2]

Hi

I found this , is a form were somebody has asked what the area is like. http://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/advi ... d-all.html

You can also try Street map https://www.instantstreetview.com/

But the full address into the instant Street view above and it will show you the area.

[JudyN]

Ah, no, my mistake! Somehow I got it into my head that the flat was in Easton. Brainfail

[ScarletSci]

So, update now that I've seen the place....


I LOVE IT!!!

It's spacious enough, all lovely and freshly decorated, and the bus connections are regular, with a bus stop just around the corner. The downstairs neighbour (it's a two story maisonette type place, with our own separate entrances and gardens) is apparently an older lady who keeps her garden immaculate, so I'm not worrying about drug using louts. (I've had some horror stories from having to share houses in supporting living with people who have complex issues like mental health issues combined with alcohol and substance abuse issues, so this is a huge relief.)

Directly across the road from the flat is a pathway that leads to a wooded area - something Pixie will adore! And my street is literally a block away from the North Somerset border, meaning country walks will be lovely.

I'm no where near as worried about the distance out now that I've been there, and have seen the bus services. It's do-able, and getting used to allowing for time to travel shouldn't be a problem. When I look for work, I'll do my best to work something like four nightshifts on, three nightshifts off, so Pixie and I can have a good chunk of time together, and she can stay happily with folks for the chunk that I'm working. Even if that doesn't work out, we can manage something.

I sign the tenancy and collect the keys on Monday, then have something like 10 days grace period to move everything over. Going to be a hectic week! But I'm so happy with it, and can't wait to move in!

[Suzette]

I'm happy it's all working out for you! I wish you all the best in your new home.

[JudyN]

That's brilliant