Reasons

Get to know other Positively members here.

Moderators: emmabeth, BoardHost

User avatar
Mattie
Posts: 5872
Joined: Tue Jan 09, 2007 5:21 am

Reasons

Post by Mattie »

when as an owner, you are already stressed and worried about your dog,
I understand about stress a lot more than I say, I spent 11 years under a great deal of stress taking care of my late husband 24/7 as well fighting to get him the help he needed. The stress I was under has ruined my health, I don’t begrudge it to my husband but it should never have happened.

I was told in February that something that the hospital wanted to do was only 60% chance of success, living on my own with 4 dogs what would happen to my dogs if I didn’t survive this, that is stress. Thankfully I have now made arrangements for my dogs and they will be well looked after and safe.

Not once in any of the posts giving advice have I mentioned just how much stress I was under because to me that was putting myself before the dog and I don‘t do that.

I have said several times that I have problems reading the posts on here, I don’t have any problems with any other forum just this one. I have made the print as big as possible with my laptop and still have trouble which is why I use quotes so much, it is the only way I can read the posts and reply. It is Victoria’s forum not mine so I would never ask for this to change but I do know of others who have the same problem.

It takes a long time to reply to some posts giving the correct information especially when you are having problems reading the posts, trying to make sure that you don’t miss anything which I often do. I don’t deliberately set out to upset people but it seems that several on here do think this, I set out to try and help the owner as much as I can. Several on her have been glad of my posts in the past but recently have attacked me quite a bit, until last week I never reacted to these posts but you can only take so much before you react.

It seems that it is ok for people to upset me but when I retaliate they cry foul and then want sympathy, doesn’t matter that they have upset me.

The final straw was when someone said that they were better than me on the forum, I have taken a lot off some of the members on here but not taking that. I have blocked all email addresses from people on here as well as this board. In the past I have given in to pms and emails from other members, this time I won’t be reading any so won’t be giving in.

I have made some lovely friends but recently there seems to be to much “Let’s get Mattie”, well, you have got me.
[url=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v312/Nethertumbleweed/PIXIE.jpg][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v312/Nethertumbleweed/th_PIXIE.jpg[/img][/url]
ladybug1802
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 3:39 am
Location: Surrey

Re: Reasons

Post by ladybug1802 »

Mattie....I am genuinely sorry you feel like this. I, and I know all the regulars on here, have a lot of respect for you and you give great advice. Nobody means to upset you....but in the same vein that you get upset, please try and see that sometimes your tone can come across as a little harsh (although I am sure you dont mean it to) and this, in turn, can upset people. As you yourself say, it is hard to get across the true tone when on email/or in written text. It is nothing personal....how can it be when we dont know you.....but I know I am quite sensitive, so get upset easily....as I now understand that you do too!

I dont remember seeing anyone saying they were better than you on here - I very much doubt anybody would, and mean it that way. Nobody is trying to 'get you' at all.....I certainly am not. I think in our case we could both do with apologising - I have apologised to you for upsetting you - hope you got the message.

Now where is that big box of cyber chocolates......!" :D
chay
Posts: 352
Joined: Thu Sep 23, 2010 10:58 pm

Re: Reasons

Post by chay »

Mattie, I'm not sure if you will read this but -please don't go. I am typing this on my mobile because I don't want to wait to get home and you have left. For every one high emotion post there are 50 others who read and thank you, and another 50 who do so in real life but without necessarily posting!
I'm so sorry about your situation and by all means take a break from the board if you need. As is often emphasised on this board no one can ever really knowwhat is going on in someones life. I really hope you do come back is all I wanted to say.
runlikethewind
Posts: 1166
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2010 12:48 pm

Re: Reasons

Post by runlikethewind »

I have a solution for you Mattie and this should stop people from thinking they have to get all defensive with your excellent advice and that is to start EVERY SINGLE reply off with the folllowing, as standard:

Hello I'm Mattie, I find it difficult to read the screen size on here and at the same time. I want to reply to every single part of your post to be as helpful as possible, so I write my replies, quoting sections of your post. Do not take this the wrong way. It is not meant to be aggressive but so that I can break your post down and reply to each bit. Thank you.

Everyone would miss you if you left. Please don't go.
User avatar
minkee
Posts: 2034
Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 7:58 am
Location: Yorkshire
Contact:

Re: Reasons

Post by minkee »

Mattie, you give very valuable, very blunt advice. Whilst not everyone can immediately appreciate the former due to the latter, I think everyone recognises your worth. However if you feel like you need to step back from this forum where you so kindly offer up your wisdom and experiences, no one can blame you. You need to put yourself and your own needs before anything that goes on here. I wish you all the luck in the world in your operation (I assume it's an operation), and if you ever need anything that I can help with (I may be available for dog sitting!) don't hesitate to get in touch ([email protected]).

As an aside, I would think it would be very easy for BoardHost to implement an (optional) alternate colour scheme to help with the clarity for those that struggle with the grey-on-purple.
ImageImage
PikiPiki
Posts: 217
Joined: Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:51 pm
Location: Minnesota

Re: Reasons

Post by PikiPiki »

To be perfectly honest, the only reason I come to this forum is for the advice of three ladies. Mattie, Nettle, and Emmabeth. I saw the attacks towards you, especially the one in the hunting thread. I should've stood up for you, I get very irritated seeing everyone take sides against you. Your attacker then seemed to attention whore and praise them for supporting them. Completely rubbing it into your face. I apologize for not saying anything on that thread on your behalf. I thought it would make matters worse.

Please do not go. I for one value every post you've made. I'm from the south, your 'bluntness' is a norm for me, I see no insult in it. If all else fails, make a Foe. And hide the posts by users that upset you. Your information and knowledge of dogs is needed. We need you on here.
ladybug1802
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 3:39 am
Location: Surrey

Re: Reasons

Post by ladybug1802 »

PikiPiki I assume by your less than subtle comments you mean me!! I am not going to drag it all up again, but that is a very innacurate and unfair comment.

You know what, this whole thing is ridiculous now and has got way out of hand so I think I'm done too. We are all acting like we are back at school to be honest.
runlikethewind
Posts: 1166
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2010 12:48 pm

Re: Reasons

Post by runlikethewind »

Attention whore!! LOL. Never heard you been called that before LadyBug :roll: Not very nice and I didn't think anyone was insulting Mattie but there we are. This is about a different angle anyway. Let's get back to the point.
ladybug1802
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 3:39 am
Location: Surrey

Re: Reasons

Post by ladybug1802 »

Apparantly thats what i am runlikethewind.....I had best get my company to change my job description!! :D#

Nobody has been taking sides.....all that was commented on was the harshness of the posts and it has escalated into this chaos! Its not necessary!
emmabeth
Posts: 8894
Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2006 9:24 pm
Location: West Midlands
Contact:

Re: Reasons

Post by emmabeth »

Argh! People!

Mattie, you know (I bl**Dy hope you do!) how much your presence here is appreciated by me, and by others, your continued support is one of the reasons this forum IS the excellent resource it is.

If you want to take a break, or leave on a more permanent basis, I can't change your mind (nor would I attempt to do so, you are your own woman! and I know what happens to children who poke lions with sticks!!!) but do NOT leave under the impression your input has not been valued or that your return would not be welcomed.
West Midlands based 1-2-1 Training & Behaviour Canine Consultant
Helen2009
Posts: 138
Joined: Sat Jan 16, 2010 5:55 pm

Re: Reasons

Post by Helen2009 »

Good post Emma. Ditto!
thepennywhistle
Posts: 669
Joined: Thu Feb 18, 2010 4:20 pm

Re: Reasons

Post by thepennywhistle »

I'm sorry you've been hurt, Mattie. If I was involved in this in any way, I sincerely apologize.
I am another here who values your presence on this list. Even if it's just trying to make me
feel better about the dust bunnies, your input is always appreciated. I understand closing
the door on something that brings negatives into our lives. If there is more stress than
pleasure from being here, I certainly support your deciding to leave. But please know, you
will be missed. I will always remember you for what you've shared with us.

Selfishly, I do hope you'll give us one more chance.
jakesmom
Posts: 459
Joined: Sat Feb 26, 2011 5:35 pm

Re: Reasons

Post by jakesmom »

Hello Mattie

I hope you don't mind me sending this message but I'm feeling pretty bad about the run-ins we've had.

I'm sorry you've having such a hard time, I know how that feels, and I know how we can end up getting cross about one thing when really it's other things that are getting us down.

I hope the results of your heart tests/operation are ok, because I know it would break your heart to lose your dogs, not to mention it's no fun at all being ill.

You have such experience of so many doggy problems you will be missed if you go.
wvvdiup1
Posts: 3397
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2009 2:31 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Re: Reasons

Post by wvvdiup1 »

Please bear with me on this:

I can remember when I first joined this forum I remember the many posts from Mattie, Nettle, and Emmabeth, and I thought "Wow, this is definitely a forum I want to be on because of the good advice, help, and commentaries to those dog owners who needed help with issues or problems with their dogs, and this forum didn't have the 'know alls" who think they give good advice when in fact their advice had been bad and would eventually cause further problems." But with this forum, I found answers to my questions that are sensible and reasonable, something I can add to my ammunition of tools I could use should one of my dog training techniques should one of those techniques fail. I must remind you I have been training dogs for a very long time, ever since I was a child and have been quite successful, I never stopped learning new techniques or methods and won't stop learning as long as I'm above ground either. Whatever I learned from the other members like Mattie, Nettle, and Emmabeth, I added it to my arsenal of tools. Any question or comment I made was answered respectfully and honestly by those members as well as a few others. Let me repeat a little bit: At that time, it seemed all the members respected one another. Of course, not everyone is going to agree on everything, but whatever disagreements there were at the time were respectfully and tactfully handled. The members here respected one another. When you think about, you're going to have disagreements with your personal friends, but don't you both respectfully and tactfully handle this disagreement and learn something from your argument? Then tell me, why do you think you can sit at your computer and attack people when they say (post) something you don't agree with without showing respect to that person or the people on that forum, just because you think they don't know you, what you look like, and so on? While it is true that we are brought closer together by technology, we're still "faceless" by that same technology unless we really make ourselves known by giving out more information about ourselves such as posting pictures of ourselves to others on the internet.

Since then, I wonder what the hell as changed to cause respectable members, especially those like Mattie, Nettle, and Emmabeth who have been a part of this forum since its beginning, who have given their time and energy to respond with good advice or help to those dog owners who needed it and who also shared their experiences with the rest of the forum, to leave? Don't get me wrong, I know Emmabeth and Nettle aren't leaving, but I've seen some good ones leave and now we're losing another good one, Mattie, because of a few members who think they can just attack someone because of their post! Wake up! If you think you can attack anybody on here, you got another thing coming! When you attack anyone here on this or any other forum, you expose yourself, the kind of person you really are! Show some respect to other members no matter what they post! They have the same rights within reason to say what they have to say just as you do! Again, show some respect! Had this been some other forum, you can be sure you will be banned and this forum is no exception! A forum isn't just made up of members talking just about anything, it is made up of members with a genuine interest in whatever that forum is all about and who have and show respect for one another. They are the "life blood" of the forum!

Mattie, you are part of the "life blood" of this forum because you have given us a lot of your time, advice, as well as shared your experiences with all of us on this forum about everything relating to responsible dog ownership such as dog training in which this forum is about, dog behavior and language, to name a few. Surely, you have a lot more you can share with us and future members who join this forum.

I, like many of the other members, can beg for you not to leave us. However, we -the ones who have been your friends for some time- understand what you're going through. Take some time away from the forum for as long as you need to and think about this clearly. Whatever you're decision, we will and should respect it, however, let me just add something else: the Mattie we know doesn't take crap from anyone, because the Mattie we know is a strong, tough lady who can defend herself! Should you decide to leave us, we will surely miss you, Mattie! :cry:
Image
Image
"Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius." -author unknown
wickedhippy
Posts: 150
Joined: Wed Jan 12, 2011 7:12 pm
Location: Las Vegas NV
Contact:

Re: Reasons

Post by wickedhippy »

I have to jump in here and say that obviously we are all very passionate about certain things, and all of us are guilty (yes, I admit, even me, lol), of flying off the handle or saying something the "wrong" way when trying to make a point.

We all have stress in our daily lives, I myself am dealing with chronic depression and newly diagnosed diabetes AND Grey's disease - and I have to move for the fourth time in a year's time - so sometimes I can say something a little harsher than I mean to when trying to get my point across. However, if we all are going to be communicating on a public forum, we all (and yes, I'm including myself, lol) need to leave certain things aside when talking with stangers.

So Mattie, please stay - take a break if needed (I just got back from one actually). I would hate to think that someone, like me for instance, was the cause of your sadness or your leaving.

I don't think we should talk about how things have changed over the years, I've seen some older posts on this forum that weren't too polite, so it's not like it just started recently. I DO think that when you want to comment on something, take a deep breath and count to ten before you type. It will give you a moment to think about how to phrase. We can all get our points across in a more civilized manner if we do this. :)
"If nothing ever changed, there would be no butterflies" ~ Anonymous
Creator of the We Love Victoria Stilwell Fan Site http://victoriastilwellfans.webs.com/
Locked