Relationship Goals: Precision Or Good Parenting?

Reconsidering not only the words you use to describe training your dog but also your mindset about it.

Obedience. Such a loaded word. It makes me cringe when it is used outside of the dog competition world. And quite honestly, I would love to see it changed to something with a kinder connotation in that world too. It’s been the status quo word reserved for dog training for so long that it’s hard for some dog guardians to think of it any other way. There are plenty of modern methods trainers who still use that term on their websites to allow the average dog guardian to find them via an online search; an indication of how much this term is ingrained into the world of dogs.

Switching to using a kinder term to describe the goal of teaching cued (not 'commanded') manners to dogs causes confusion in so many dog lovers who would never dream of wanting to have a robot in place of a dog, yet the word obedience is so that. Do you want a dog that responds like a robot, never showing their own personality, or do you want a sentient being with likes, dislikes, and opinions? I know which one I would choose!

Parenting goals

I fervently hope that most of these parents are not looking for strict obedience from their human children. Most parents I know well have the goal of teaching their human children to make good choices in every possible situation. This, along with teaching them appropriate boundaries and good manners, helps them grow up to be appropriately behaved adults. Obviously, dogs never grow up to move out on their own, but the goal can and should be the same as with human children.

One can genuinely teach environmentally offered manners along with cued requests, without being a control freak. An article I read recently seemed to imply that dogs should only do a thing if asked to do that thing and never outside of that asking and it should be exactly that thing that they do, not some other thing. I don’t know about you, but that is not the kind of relationship that I want with my dogs.

Exception for precision

I feel that I should include a caveat here about precision. There is an abundance of modern method trainers competing in various dog sports/activities with their dogs who have excellently trained precision cues for their dogs in that world. They have taken the time and effort to teach them incrementally in order to achieve this precision so that they can compete. Both they and their dogs are having fun. Outside of this kind of venue, precision for certain cues is vastly unnecessary much of the time, especially if you take the time to teach environmental/situational cues, which are far more easily understood by dogs overall.

Context is important

If you ask your dog to do something (sit/down/etc.) in a situation that they are not emotionally or physically comfortable in, then not getting compliance (another word that makes me cringe!) doesn’t mean that your dog is stubborn or refusing to "respect" you or any of the other vast number of inaccurate statements that I have heard applied to that situation. As I have seen other quality modern method trainers say, your dog is not giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time. Expecting “obedience” at all times is indicative of not understanding your dog’s emotional needs. It also can mean that there is a physical problem that needs to be addressed that is not being considered. Don’t assume, examine the context, please.

Teaching confidence through cues and environment

These are not only useful, but they are also fun for the dog when you make teaching them fun, instead of an anxiety-inducing situation. Also as important are some hand signals as well as situational cues, meaning “this scenario is in effect so this is how you handle this”. Instructing your dog in this well-rounded manner gives your dog confidence that he knows how to handle most scenarios. Dogs need to be able to express their own personalities without fear of retribution if they opt to not respond to a cue when it’s too hard on their psyche to do so. Or more importantly, when they see/know that it’s a bad idea and you don’t. Two-way communication between a dog and their human instills trust instead of fear and anxiety. Isn’t that the kind of relationship you want with your dog? I know it is definitely the kind of relationship that I want with my dogs. I am their advocate, not a dictator.

Changing your mindset to get results

Not only will your dog thank you, but you will be a part of the much-needed sweeping forward movement to better understand dogs and respect them for who they truly are rather than using them as a living accessory.