need to get my dog to sleep in daughters room

[sheilabr]

My 15 yr.old came to live with me and my husband 2 mths ago, from her dad's. She wants our dog, "Loonie" to sleep in her room instead of ours. Loonie came here to live from my mom's (she was mistreating him) 3 yr's ago and is a 15 yr.old mini poodle, and ever since he has been attached to the back of my feet. He gets anxiety if he doesn't know where i am every minute of the day. So when he's in her room and can't see me he scratches and cries to get out, so i can't just let him cry it out for a couple nights because she needs to get up at 6. If she leaves the door open he'd rather come in my room and sleep on the drafty floor then in his warm, comfy crate bed in her room. I would like loonie to make the move to her room so it is not me, my husband, and loonie together in our room and she's alone in hers. i think it would help give her a better sense of feeling like part of the family. my only idea is to lay down on her floor at her bedtime until he falls asleep and hope that after a few mornings of him waking up in there with just her he'll accept it. He does love her but it's his seperation anxiety we need to hurdle. She took over giving him his after dinner treats 2 mths ago, and she shares leting him out to potty and walking him. Any advice? Should i have her feed him his evening meal in her room. We have schosen this week to move him becuase i am stripping the wallpaper and painting my bedroom and its not a good environment for him. Last night she ended up kicking him out so i went and slept on the sectional couch with him. I'll take any suggestions, Thank you

[Ari_RR]

My 2 cents in this case... Maybe you can't teach an old dog new tricks. He's 15 years old, that's pretty old. I'd probably let him be the way he is, to be honest, and if the real goal of the exercise is to make your daughter more part of the family, there ought to be ways to accomplish this without stressing the old boy. With time perhaps he will start spending more time with her, but I wouldn't force this in any way, and let him accept her at his own pace. The less pressure and stress you put on him - the faster it'll happen, I think..

Sleeping with him on the couch while bedroom is being renovated - I'd do the same thing.

[sheilabr]

please don't get me wrong, we have done bounds to accomodate her into a new enviroment but one thing unsaid is she was being abused at her dads. i had her go there when i was single and wasn't able to afford to live in a good area and he still lived at his parents. tragicly when red flags appeared and i fought in court, the process was always so long she recamped her confessions, until now she knew at her age as long as she refused to go back they (court) couldn't make her while we fight for custody back. the repercussions of the time at his house are so severe we need every self- esteem booster we can take. I also want to add loonies last vet screening baffled the vet, he said he has the blood workup of a 4 yr. old dog, so he is not to be sympathyed. he is as sharp and energetic as, well a 4 yr. old dog. i have always disliked like the way he obsesses over my where abouts since he came here. i don't think it's healthy, and would like him to bond with another person. trust me, i weigh his feelings very high. before she came here, i made it clear if i died, i want him put to sleep and buried with me, otherwise he would die shortly after of a broken heart. i can't fix my hair without loonie getting anxiety that i'm leaving the house. So now, what would your advice be? if it hasn't changed, i had the thought of getting a dog of her own. i just worrry if i did, it would bond with me instead because every dog does.

[ClareMarsh]

My first thoughts were as Ari's

But there is some stuff you can do I think that might help (I agree getting another dog is no guarantee that it will bond with your daughter rather than you ).

Regarding the following around, obsessing over where you are. I would start off by during the day having times when you ask him to follow you and you talk and interact with him and then other times don't ask him and be really boring. So sit down and as soon as he settles get up and walk off to another room. YOu are going to have to do this over and over and over but eventually he may start to realise that if he's not asked it's really not worth following you all the time as it's dull.

Once you've started this for a while start leaving something for him to do in the room you aren't in, so a chew/stuffed kong etc but it has to be something he can't physically lift and bring with him but that he does want. This combined with you being dull when he's not asked to follow you may help him to settle without you.

Given he's age the above might not work or might take aaaaaages to work but it's worth a shot. The brilliance of it if it does work is it is something that he will have figured out so it is more likely to stick

Meanwhile, what does he enjoy doing? Poodles are super intelligent so I'd guess he would enjoy learning tricks or playing in a way that involves his brain. If your daughter could do some of this with him then it would be a double whammy as it would boost both her and his confidence There are loads of things you can teach so to give us an idea regarding what he might like let us know what he knows so far, what training you have done. Have you clicker trained him? This would be my starting point and would be something your daughter can learn about and teach him. This would improve their bond and then maybe he''ll want to sleep in the room with her. Regardless they would have a better bond

[Ari_RR]

Right.... "confidence booster" presumes a successful experience. Poodles are very intelligent and energetic, but I don't think they're can be easily pushed, so that's what I was trying to say by "not forcing him" - it won't be a success, and it won't be a confidence booster... Like tying to just leave him in her bedroom for the night - he kept trying to get out, and in the end she had to let him out, and this may be the opposite of self-esteem booster ("I am so useless even a dog doesn't want to stay with me")
But if he is still eager to interact with people and learn things and do things - then I agree, if she can offer him this stimulation - he will enjoy it, and it's likely to be a success and a confidence booster.

In general, when dealing with low self esteem (in dogs or kids), I think one of the good approaches is devising a number of goals or exercises that are easy to achieve, setting up for success, and then marking and praising the success. After a while the kid (or dog) becomes used to be successful, and the difficulty will increase... But also, for dogs and kids, if you move too fast, push too far - they fail and the failure sets them back, so "slow and steady" progress is perhaps what to expect and gear towards, rather than some drastic steps or measures that can fix things quickly.

And so, with that said, I wouldn't expect him to willingly stay with her any time soon, and unwillingly won't have the desired effect anyway... So i would try smaller objectives, like what she is already doing (after dinner treats etc), and build from there, making sure she feels good about accomplishing small things and getting small successes, rather than feeling bad about failing at big things.

The second dog - I wouldn't worry much about bonding with you instead - there are breeds I think that are just super friendly and cuddly and all that, you probably could find one that easily bonds with all humans. The problem is that the 2 dogs may not get along, and then it may become a nightmare...

Anyway, I wish you luck, looks like a bit of a challenge ahead, but you are still just at the beginning of this journey, only 2 month in - it's not that long, and still probably the adjustment period for both the girl and the dog. Set easy goals for everyone, help them achieve, celebrate the small successes.

And thank you and congratulations on being both a good mother (getting your girl back, rescuing her from abuse into the safety of your household, one can only imagine what kind of strength and determination that took, I am sure it was quite a battle). And being a good dog owner, caring for you dog!

[Erica]

If training is something your daughter is interested in, it is a great way to bond with a dog. The puppies I help take care of prefer me to any of their real family members because I do training with them, and it's a fun thing! The book "Train Your Dog Like A Pro" would be a good place to start. It goes over the theories used in positive reinforcement training and works through several basic tricks in detail to give you a good idea of how to do it yourself. It would be easy for a 15 year old to understand, and comes with a DVD that may also help. After that, Kikopup's YouTube channel has tons of neat trick ideas. You'd just have to remember that even though your dog acts young, he might be hiding some kind of pain, so fast or athletic tricks would be inadvisable. She could jump straight into Kikopup's stuff, but they tend to be more complicated tricks that take longer to teach. To start it would be best for both of them to have something they can succeed at easily.

[sheilabr]

Thank you for all the responses. She taught him a new trick when she first came here. She puts a treat on the floor and makes him "wait", and yes made her feel real good. She also plays the existing games we already taught him, 1. we hide tiny treats all over the house then let him out of the waiting spot and say "find them" and he just sniffs everywhere until he finds them. 2. we hide and yell "ready" and he searches the house for us. 3.He likes a game we call "got your nose" where you get close to his face and he will pretend like he's going to nab your nose with his mouth before you can pull away, but even if the person is too slow he never actually bites your nose and he makes these funny noises like he's laughing. 4. we hide our hands behind our backs with a treat in one and then hold our hands out in front and ask "which one" and he chooses with his paw. I think maybe setting up a mini. exercise course she could teach him to go through would be fun for her. on the sleeping in her room we both decided it wasn't a good idea because she likes to keep her door closed at night and he is getting incontinent and sometimes needs to go out in the middle of night and she doesn't wake up easy when hes asking to go out. I am still pondering a dog of her own though. A younger one she can train to play frisbee, and that has just as much energy as her. (oh yeah, loonie also likes to play fetch and monkey in the middle.) but not until summer vacation. thanks again for all the advice. I'll be back if I ever need more.